Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Why do the people in charge of making you feel better...

most of the time, in the beginning, always make you feel worse?!??! I guess it's one of the mysteries of life... *sigh*

Had my first PT appointment this afternoon. I liked her, she was very nice and liked to answer the "whys" and very direct. I think a large portion of my sarcasm might be lost on her, but not everyone is as smartassy as me. I got through... {drum roll please} 3 exercises. That's right. I got through 3. Tres. Trois. Drei. Tpn. Drie. Tre. (Had enough of

I'll be doing the same 3 exercises on Friday. Might have up to 2 more, but she said to be patient. Want to know the real punchline? It took me 45 mins to do those simple 3 exercises... I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that I can no longer consider myself athletic... There's no way in hell I can do that with the way I'm moving right now. I want to scream at the world... I USED TO RUN 3-5 MILES A DAY!! AT AN 8 MIN PACE!! I USED TO MT BIKE THE HO CHI MIN TRAILS IN MEMORIAL PARK FOR 45 MINS TO AN HOUR AND THEN RIDE 3 MILES HOME!! I USED TO DO A FREE WEIGHT WORKOUT FOR AN HOUR!!! I USED TO BE ABLE TO DO MORE >50 PUSHUPS WITHOUT STOPPING (WHICH WAS GOOD FOR ME!lol) THIS FREAKIN' SUCKS!!

Okay, I can't freakin' help it - IT FUCKIN' SUCKS!!!

Okay, I feel better now. I'm actually in quite a bit of pain right now but that's what the pain meds are for. Anybody watch Bones tonight? It was good but the message in it was great. I actually teared up. Sad, yes, and I'm not even PMSing.

I like the way it was framed. It was about the fact that God is more concerned about what's inside - your soul. It's not about what's on the outside. Take off your "covers" and just show what's underneath. It doesn't matter if you're black, white or brown... straight, gay, transgendered.... rich, poor, in-between... Democrat, Republican, or Kinky (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA) What matters is what's in your heart and soul. How do you treat people? How do you treat yourself?

I'm one of those people that does not lack in fatih... you can't have survived my life and not had faith. But I can't say it's because of God and mean it in any concrete form.. by that I mean, I can't identify as Baptist, Catholic, or Jewish, but I also can't say definatively that I'm Christian - I believe in heaven and hell, but not in the constructs presented to me in any temple, church, or synagogue. I have faith in the basic faith of humanity. I believe there is evil in the world and it's not as strong as the good that is out there. I bow my head in prayer and I raise my eyes to the sky.

Whatever you call HIM OR HER is your choice. We live in a country that allows us...wait, I'm sorry, GRANTS us that right by the Constitution. Our men and women are losing their lives to defend that right (whether you agree with the politics or war - it's true). I think I'm pretty good at showing my true colors all the time... the messed up rainbow that it is. I don't expect or want everyone to like me - that's too boring. I love all the different personalities that are out there.

Luckily enough, I've found a partner that I mesh with in heart, mind, body and soul... I have a wonderful set of friends that provide so many wonderful colors to me... and a wonderful family that adds even more brilliance. Besides, if you never had black, how would you how to appreciate white?????

1 comment:

Kimberly said...

Hang in there with the PT. It may not get better, butit WILL help you. I relate to the suckiness (is that a word), of MS. Heck we all do. It taunts us with what we USED do be able to do. Which is a cruel trick, for that prevents us from seeing what we CAN do. Sounds trite, but focus on I CAN, not I can't. Especially right now when your frustrated. I recently had to be reminded of that myself....and it sucked! LOL Hang in there.