Thursday, January 29, 2009

Another thing in common with...

my father. And it's not necessarily in a good way. And, I'm not breaking a promise by talking about it here but I'm going against his wishes.... I'm not even supposed to tell my partner. Of course I did - I share everything in that relationship.

There must be something seriously wrong with my family's genetic immune tree. My grandfather's been dealing with non hodgkins lymphoma for the last 6 years and there's some suggestions that has some immune related issues. Now, and now, and NOW... my dad's been diagnosed with CLL.

Chronic lymphocytic leukemia

If you notice I'm not just bolding and underlining it for grins and giggles - it's linked to Health Talk's information about it. Cuz, when I hit up the site for MS and it was one of the few sites recommended by my docs about it.... I figured it was go to go to about CLL.

I felt like I was the parent on the receiving end of that bad joke of -

Mom/Dad I'm dying of an inoperable, malignant brain tumor. Insert hysterical crying.
Until son/daughter tells them that he was just kidding - He/She's only gay.

Cuz, my dad started out the conversation that he had something to tell me, and that it was he had cancer. I was driving at the time.... luckily when it took a few seconds for it to sink into my brain that I had taken my foot off the gas while driving and had slowed considerably. Luckily it was not too long after that he delivered the punch line and said that it was cancer but it was "inactive" or something to that effect. Then he told me it was CLL.

Apparently his heart doc thought something was up after my dad had a case of the flu this past summer that he could not get over. They almost admitted him into the hospital just to give him some high dose antibiotics IV. Luckily he eventually got over it with bed rest and lots of meds and a couple of rounds of oral steroids. Anyways, he started telling me a little bit about it and how he did not want anyone but his children and wife to know about it. How he did not want the stares/comments that people get when saying the C word - cancer. He said he was already sick of people asking how he felt and how he was doing... Which was funny - he actually laughed pretty heartily when he said it and told me he now knew how I felt when I got frustrated with people asking me that! I asked him what our family did in past lives to deserve such horrible immune system luck.... he actually laughed at that too, and my father is not a laughing type of guy...

He told me that he apparently has a very mild case and that the normal blood tests were not how he got diagnosed - his blood had to be sent to a geneticist to be diagnosed. Sorta correlates with my spinal tap being negative for the proteins we MSers usually have in a spinal fluid but the number of lesions and other blood work was confirmation of my MS.... So, isn't that just some great info??? Apparently what I read up on it - my father's going to live to be a very ripe old age... especially since both his parents are still alive and kicking in their late 80s and my nana, his mother, is still living alone and driving!!!!! She's a little batty now but still kicking!!!

Geez.... he's telling me now he now has an idea of what I feel like about my MS and I now know how he felt about being told about a chronic illness diagnosis..... I know we're supposed to naturally reverse roles sometimes in our relationship with our parents but I could have done without this. My dad's very upbeat and positive about it so I will be too!!!

Course, I'm not being entirely truthful with him about my back. I told him my appointment today was a routine post-surgery follow-up. The good news was the doc said he's not too concerned, especially when I kicked booty on my strength tests but he did order another MRI... next week I get to go back in the pill box... I don't care. I fall asleep in them now. And he did clear me and actually ordered me to get back in the pool and start getting some strength back.... Yeah!!!! The saga continues... : ]

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

I finally have a REALLY GOOD REASON...

to watch American Idol!!! AND, to become a fan of the Osmond family.

So, did you see it? Did you see the 2 minute segment that probably generated more buzz for the NMSS and MS in general for the past couple of years?? There was one of the Osmond boys trying out for American Idol tonight. He's Alan Osmond's son - David Osmond. Turns out, and I have not seen either names mentioned in the numerous "Celebrities with MS" articles that are out there... Course, I don't know how much the Osmonds rate as celebrities anymore...

Alan Osmond has MS and he says that his hand tremors was one of the things that he got run out of the business for. His son, David, also has MS and spent some time in a wheelchair a while back.... They didn't phrase it in MS words but I think I translated it to that wheelchair experience being his diagnosing experience...

Isn't that sooooooo cool?? And, David actually had a pretty voice. I so hope he is good and has a great Hollywood week and we get to talk each week about MS. I worry about him making it though. Clay Walker has talked openly about how he does have to restrict his tours because the heat of the concerts gives his body the MS willies. What if David gets a flare because of all the stress and literal heat from the stage???

Geesh, leave it to an MSer to worry about the lighting - screw the voice!! Hey, we could get him to wear different cooling vests each week!!! I hope he wears an orange bracelet for MS like David Cook wore his brother's cancer bracelet all last year. They mentioned it almost every week. What would we do with all that exposure????

First, we get a first lady in the big house who's father's struggles with MS were talked about quite openly during the campaign... Teri Garr always shows back up on Dave when we need a good MSer face showing!!! Now, we could break the 10 million mark barrier - with people who actually hear about MS!!!!! OMG!!!

Anyways, I'm such a mushy I started tearing up when the dad was talking about his son and his struggles and how he's such a fine young man! I wonder if all the MS researchers out there immediately tried to get in touch with them.... after all, it's 2 MEN that share a whole lotta genetic material and each has MS.... research wonderland, even if only for a case study!! I wonder if he's on any DMDs???? If so, I wonder if he'll talk about it...

I spent a wonderful day at work trading emails with my 8 year-old niece... she was with her mom at work and apparently was sending me and her dad emails constantly. She barely had the patience to wait for me to respond (which I did to all but 3 emails she sent!) and I'd get an "Email me! Love you" or "Hello?!?!?!?!! Love you". And then she'd get my email response to her question and ask another.... I had to laugh when I got the email "can I still email you? dad says I have to stop emailing him so he can get some work done" and yes, it was all spelled right and gramatically correct. Course, that made me have to respond in kind!!

At one point I did have to do something for a co-worker in the field hunting down a really bad bastard and so I sent my neice an email telling her I needed 30 minutes where I could not email but she could still email me if she wanted. She said ok and actually only sent about 3 emails to me in that time... and right at 29 minutes sent another email asking if I could email her again! I had to laugh and emailed her right back. She'd attach a picture and ask if it was a picture of me working... One pic showed a girl typing on a computer and another showed a woman making copies.. I was so amazed at this wonderfully smart little girl... SIGH - love her so much!!

Anyways, sorry for following the shiny thing but I thought about her tonight watching American Idol. I know she's watching it with her brothers and family. My brother and sister in law have told her about my MS but who knows if they fully understand. They know I've been sick and they actually stayed with us the weekend when I had my last IV steroid treatment. They asked a lot of pretty neat questions about it and wanted to watch me change my IV dressing and when the nurse changed my IV she actually watched.... I expect acceptance into med school in the future!!

But, I wonder if my neice or nephews will have any questions for me about MS the next time they see me? Or, will it have already passed their minds with all that they get bombarded with daily. I'm definately going to ask my sis in law if they asked any questions while watching it....

I'm still thinking about an American Idol winner - and MSer... what a wonderfully beautiful struggle to have, huh???

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Can't think of a spiffy title....

So, I got one of my many doctor's appointments confused... DANGIT!! I got the right office - my opthamologist but had the wrong test. It was a good/bad thing. It was not time for my vision field test - that headache has been scheduled for July. It was, however, my complete eye exam and meant dilation. Ever had your eyes dilated? Maximum? Luckily this was only 50% and it still took until the morning for my pupils to be normal...

The pupils so dilated that you look like a really bad junkie. And, you have to wear your sunglasses indoors and take the arm of my other half to lead me back to the car. I was worried about running over little kids and old people.... But that much light coming through the eyes is not fun!!! My eye doc is so sweet... Considering I saw her every 2 weeks for the first 3 months of my diagnosing bout of optic neuritis and then have seen her every 6 months since then for tests. She said she could not even see the scar tissue on my nerve but last time she could see it. I'm still testing at 20/20 as well!!!! She always asks about how the MS is going and how my neuro is and what treatments I'm doing. She's not the designated eye specialist for those of us with MS but I don't want to change and unless I start having more than just the optic neuritis issues I'm not going to change. I know she's got tons of patients but she and I still joke about that first day we met. I just remember her taking me time to personally walk me back up to the neuro's office and giving me a true, full body hug and giving me her pager number if I had any issues.... They might be doc's in a box but they're damn good docs in those boxes!!

I still feel so lucky that I've got my vision back. I've read about so many stories where people don't get their vision back or don't get back enough to return to the work force. And, considering I had zero sight in that eye and severely reduced peripheral vision in my other one...

Anyways, another doc's visit down. I should have started counting.... I'd have to be in the triple digits by now!!! AHHAHAHAHAHAH Back to the back doc on Thursday and then Super Bowl party on Sunday!!! WOOO HOOO!!! GO STEELERS!!!!!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Yet another visit....

To the doctor delayed. Halfway to the neurosurgeon's office this morning around 9, his nurse called and said they needed to delay the appointment because my doc got called into an emergency surgery this morning. Doing what he does - that could not have been a good thing and I sent a little prayer up to whomever he had to open up. They said they could fit me in around 1230. Around 1130 the nurse called again saying that he was actually still in surgery and they were having to re-arrange the afternoon appointments now and could I re-schedule. Sure but I still need to get to see him next week....

Sooooo, not only do I have my horrible vision field text next Thursday afternoon ... If you haven't been through one or had the pleasure of experiencing a bout of optic neuritis... UGGGGHHHHH!!! I get to visit the neurosurgeon in the morning and the ophthalmologist in the afternoon. Let me tell you just now excited I am!!! Can't you picture me dancing for joy? My whole 80s sway back and forth - being that's about the most jiggy I can get with it right now!!

Do all chronic diagnosises require that many doctor's appointments? One of the only reasons I own a PDA capable phone (besides to get rid of carrying both a cell phone and PDA) is to keep track of all the dang appointments. My neuro (logist -not surgeon) likes to schedule appointments several months in advance, as well as the MRI's a couple of weeks before that... My partner's chron's doesn't require that much - she's got one of those meds that does require liver functioning testing (all of the current/former interferon users know about this and I used to be one!) every 3 months but doesn't really have to see her doc unless a flare gets out of control. A friend of mine with RA only calls her doc if she's got a flare she can't get under control. She went about 2 months ago and that was the first time she's seen him in about 3 years!

Are we as MSers wusses? I don't think so but I think we're viewed as "frail". That might not be a bad thing and I don't know a lot about some of our fellow immune-related illness sufferers like lupus and (I'm having a blonde moment right now and cannot for the life of me think of some others and don't feel like taking a ride on the Google train) others... but do they have to see their docs as much? I can't imagine having to do it without my insurance and I'm sure I would decide when/if my symptoms/issues were worth the $300 co-pay.

Now, my NP in my neuro's office pegged me pretty early on as being not totally trust-worthy in relaying any issues/symptoms I have. I got yelled at last August when I just happened to have that appointment when I lost use of my right leg.... That's when she reminded me she wanted me on the 3 month plan for a little longer. I haven't been back since then but that's because of Ike and a little back surgery. I do need to make that appointment with them - I really like'em and I have to get back to the office by July as that's when my Copaxone needs renewal!

Getting back to that "frail" idea though.... I think we get viewed that way by the people we disclose our dx to as well.... I didn't know crap about MS before my dx... even with a prior brush with it being mentioned after a lesion-viewed MRI 5 years prior to my Dx. Luckily I didn't even think about being a weaker person until I started reading about it. Hell, one of the first things out of my NP's mouth to me and my sister in law (who was at the appointment with me - being blind makes it hard to drive!) was that I was not their only cop they were treating with MS, and they even had a few fire fighters... Talk about playing with fire!!! Can you imagine?? My best friend's a fire-woman and I've put on her gear - in her air-conditioned condo and I was sweating buckets!!!!

Getting over that "when's the next freakin' time I'm going to lose function of a limb or eye" is my biggest weakness with MS. I'm battling real physical weakness as a result of my back surgery but that is something I know exactly how to overcome. I've developed some short-cuts in my routine that help me conserve my spoons! I know when I can and can't push myself. When I'm in "frail" mode is usually when I'm actually more likely to push myself to far - isn't that natural??!?! Screw it - I can do (fill in the blank)!

SIGH! Enough of that - Bones is about to start and I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!! : ]

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

A need for inspiration...

What's your Mt. Everest? Is it your wheelchair? Is it the numbness that keeps you from doing the normal activities? Is it the fatigue that bums you out because you just can't get up to even go to dinner... Sometimes our obstacles are only anthills while they do become Everests...

I actually had read about this woman named Wendy Booker in a magazine in my neuro's office early on. I had forgotten about her story... which I found again on Health Central's website! Here's a link to her website and story... Wendy Booker

Amazing!! Screw wanting to be like Mia - I want to be like Wendy!! I need to find a mountain to climb!!! Hey, our new president called on all of us to do what's right and challenge ourselves to be better persons. I think we are all better persons when we feel better about ourselves. Who the hell feels like caring about something/one else when we're in the blahs... It's not right but it is fact.

I can't wait to get the doc's visit out of the way on Thursday so that I can get my arse in the pool and make myself better....

Monday, January 19, 2009


are really great when you don't have to go to work! I'm sitting at home watching Ellen's continuing quest to get George Clooney on her show. I watched football all day yesterday - much to the honey's delight! LOL I was very happy that Arizona won and now we know who's going to the super bowl. YEAH! We're hosting the party this year, but there's only a few of us that actually care about the game... me included!

Nada much else going on.... Well, that's not true. I go back to the neurosurgeon on Thursday. Have some pain coming back in the back and buttocks that should not be there. I'm very pissy over it. I'm fine as long as I only have to walk on a forward only path, very slowly. But, ask me to pivot or switch directions quickly and it's not a pretty picture... Okay, I've got to go on a shiny side-note here... I've got Ross' voice in my head screaming "PIVOT, PIVOT, PIVOOOOOOOOOT" and then the genie in Aladdin saying "It's not a pretty picture"...

Okay, I'm back! I really hope I'm just being paranoid and this is normal. However, I don't think my back should be spasming like it is and those pain points are in the same spots prior to the surgery.... We'll see what the doc says. I'm wondering if he's going to order an MRI or CT or something to see if there's anything floating around back there still... I'm trying not to be tooo worst-case scenario in my thoughts but it is hard... and it does make it easier to laugh at one's self afterwards. What happens if there still is stuff that's floating around and they need to get it out?

I don't want to go through any type of surgery again... I don't want to go through that again!! I'm wondering if my best case scenario is just that I've got a pissy back and I'm going to have to learn to live with some pain... I'm sure that's it. I'll just get to the doc and have him tell me I'm being paranoid. : ]

I had a point when I started this entry and then I lost it very early... and then I don't have it back but thought of something else. I was watching the previews to some new tv shows and one of them is about a woman with multiple personalities. The director/producer of this show is Steven Spielberg. He mentioned something to the effect that everyone has multiple sides to themselves, it just isn't usually so distinct as to interrupt their daily lives.. meaning it's not a mental disorder as much as everyone's way to fit into different sides of their lives.

I think I have a very distinct work side of me, and I think most of the people that know me would agree. In some ways, it's very obvious. I hardly wear make-up. I should - lord knows the size of my pores I inherited from my father on top of the extremely fair skin don't make for a good combo. I just don't - especially at work. When I was on the streets in uniform I just couldn't bear crap running off my face. Now, even in plain-clothes, I just don't see the need to make myself different for work. Everyone asks me if I have court if I come to work with make-up on, because that's one of the few reasons I would.

Another reason I distinguish my work self from everyone/thing else is because of what I do. When I was on the streets, it was a little easier just to talk about calls and reports and the occasional exciting event. Now, doing what I do - well, I don't really want to bring that kind of kharma home. Do I need to vent sometimes, oh yeah - and that's where I'm lucky to have support for when I do need to bring it home.

I think the big difference between us having a "work" category for ourselves is the fact that our core remains the same. I'm still the hyper, blonde, German-Irish girl that tries to remain a Toys R Us kid at heart. I don't qualify as the girl next door but I lived across the tracks from that girl!! (Remember by trailer park references!!! LOL) And, now I've been working on incorporating my MS self into my work and home self. I'm struggling lately with integrating my MS self into work. I know my back is not technically an MS flare - it's acting like it. I'm struggling with it...

Everybody at works knows about MS... they have from the beginning. I think most of them have - I dunno, forgotten is the wrong word but it's not the 1st thing people think anymore when they see me. Which is good because that was an akward stage for a while right after I came back to work after my initial diagnosis. Now, with my back, I think it's come back a little into the fore-front. Even my co-workers possibly wonder if I'll be around to deal with stuff or help them out. It just set my mind to wonderfing about those kinds of things - about our different selves. Hell, I'm even a little bit of a different person online - I'm a lot more negative here - it's easier to vent about the crap that's bothering me here - y'all know more what I'm going through anyways and it lets me be my "normal" (heavy emphasis on the quotation marks!) self offline.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

It's back on!!....

American Idol is back!!

I used to cuss the show (I was a reality show snob!) but now I watch from week 1 til the end. Everybody at work laughs at me... I was asking if anyone saw it last night and there will be no one to answer me tomorrow when I'm blonde enough to ask again!

Course, my supervisor can't make fun of me cuz she watches School of Charm, or whatever that show is with the singer from Poison finding all the slutty women he can. It got me thinking... what if there was a reality show that only featured people with MS?

And, make sure we got all representatives of our world in there.... We'd have the token male of course... All of the RRMS, PPMS, and SPMS reps... All sorts of canes, walkers, wheelchairs and the (not really so normal) 2 legged of us... A couple of kiddos in there, along with us 20-40 y.o.'s, and then our older representatives. Course, we can't forget the baby-diagnosed, coming to acceptance ones, and then our wonderful fore-mothers (and a few fathers) that have dealt with this since waaaaaaaay before it had a name...

Teri Garr could be the host! Clay Walker could serenade us to start us off, with a healthy dose of Pearl Jam's guitarist (who's name I cannot remember and don't feel like looking up right now) mid-way through to wake us all up from our fatigue-induced naps. We'd have regular shot night, super shot night (for those Avonex and other users that go into the muscle!!) and then the after-shot shots - we could see how many of us could name a symptom before repeating. Can you imagine how long that would take - that would be at least 3-4 30 min. episode!!

I don't really what we'd do on the show but blog and talk and laugh and cry and debate and bitch about the about our Neuro's and compare hospital stays and trip stories (the falling kind, not the plane kind) I guess it'd be more of a daytime tv show - althought it might be appropriate to compete with Conan considering we're up late a lot and maybe call it MSI to compete with CSI (not really but that's where it came from to try and show a semi-brain pattern with this post! HA!) and it's a double entendre with Multiple Sclerosis Insomniacs AND Multiple Sclerosis Investigates!!

We'd have to have it be some type of variety show cuz there are just too many personalities to try and group all into a type-cast (no matter how hard a lot of the pharmaceuticals keep trying to do to us!) Then, we could have a WWE night where we throw a bunch of our medicine into a big vat of, I dunno, something really smelly and thick that would be appropriate to destroying meds! And, we could also put a bunch of meds on the floor and we could all take turns stomping, rolling, beating, a bunch of different meds....

I'm going to apologize for this post... I had no idear what the heck was going to come spewing out of the keyboard tonight and I just went where the lesions took me!!! Ruminate on that!! : ]

Monday, January 12, 2009

Wok this way....

So, this is my Christmas present (by choice)!! Not the broccoli - the wok!! This was my first venture using it last night... And it was a success! It came out tasting very yummy - and that's not just my taste buds talking!! Anybody that wants to be bored by the recipe - let me know... It was not at all hard and you could do it in a regular skillet as long as it was deep enough... But it was so fun going wang chung last night!!

Here's the picture with the meat added...

Voila! I'm going to try a shrimp one next. I also got a roasting pan for Christmas (again by choice) and I used that one a couple of weeks ago. I made prime rib! It also turned out pretty good. And, I have 3 other mouths to verify that... We invited another couple over that would not be offended if we had to order pizza afterwards and we did not have to!! That's when you know you have good friends - they agree to eat things you cook when you have never cooked them before.... now that takes real guts and love from friends!!!

I had it again tonight and it's tomorrow's lunch... I'm not shy of left-overs... of certain kinds of food. There are just some things that just suck the day afterwards..... like rice. I hate 2nd day rice. That's only good once - and fresh out of the pot. Can't really think of other things that suck the next day except the 2nd day in a hospital or the 2nd day of IV steroids.... That's the day that horrible headache hits you if you don't eat everything in your pantry ALONG WITH the naseau that goes so well with a fully distended belly....

But I digress... I was only going to talk about food and yummies!! So, it must be time to bid adieu... : ]

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Celine is the cure!!!...

It's Saturday and the weekend - so much better!! We went to the Celine Dion concert last night. It was so freakin awesome!! She was amazing!! Her voice is so freakin' awesome... and she's just like a big kid. She makes funny faces and talks quite a bit - but then sings all the good songs and has a bunch of very cool dancers. I'm a "So You Think You Can Dance" junkie (another thing the other half is responsible for) and I was excited to recognize the dancers doing Pasa Doble (have no clue if that's spelled right) during one of the numbers. It was so beautiful. My other half is not a very big concert fan but I drag her booty to them. She even really enjoyed this one. Sitting in those stadium chairs was not easy on the back, but that's the reason they make pain pills!! The concert was so good I really even did not notice it that much.

Her opening act was a comedian/singer named Gordie Brown. He did song impressionism and was hilarious. Let's just say he sang a song about Elton John's new fashion design of g-strings... We were sitting next to an older couple and they were crying and whooping and hollering with all of us. It brought me out of my funk - therefore Celine is the cure!!

I hate change sometimes... I'm a Libra, it should all be balanced out!!!! Sometimes it takes me a while to adjust to a new norm. Like the new work norm. Do I like it... not particularly. Is there anything I can do to change it - not even likely. Do I want to change my position - nope. That leaves me with dealing with it and making the best of it for me. I can do that and that's what I'll just have to tell myself. I'll adapt - eventually. And it really shouldn't take me too long just because I get bored with feeling sorry for myself. It's really annoying and I don't like being a cry-baby. Thanks for letting me vent.

It got cold again here. Well, cold for SE Texas... Our high's going to be around 61 today, so we've gotten our heavy coats out. HAHAHAAHHAHAHHAHAH Hey, anything below 70 is very cold for us. Chillin out today and going to eat a good dinner at a fave restaurant tonight... well, technically we're meeting with the event manager at one of our fave restaurants to plan a very exciting celebration for this May. Lots of yummys for the tummy tonight!! Although we did stumble upon a very neat little place last night for dinner. I had their chicken salad sandwhich and it had pears in it and the dressing was a little different but very good!!! We will be going back to Anita's in Montrose - they have pitcher mimosas for Sunday brunch... sounds like a future friend gathering to me!!!

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

: p ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~....

That's how I feel. I'm pissy. I'm sad. I'm pissed off. Everything is making my eyes tear up. I feel useless at work. I can't sit down at work and so my feet fuckin' hurt - I'm talking fire ants up the coochie hurt!!!

I've been back at work for 3 whole days now. Yip-bitch-ee. Things have changed so much since 11/13. My 2 closest co-workers are across the hallway with another good co-worker. Another co-worker is at with the feds full time across town, with her partner with her 2 days of the week. Our newest people into the units aren't bad people but their fabric doesn't match the existing, worn-in, perfect fit jeans we used to have. The best supervisor in the unit is more than likely going to promote so that's going to suck. She was my direct supervisor but I got switched in the restructuring our unit went through right before I went out.... I'm a good little indian (literally, since I'm Cherokee) and really have no desire to promote and can pretty much get along with almost any supervisor...

I'm not a ass-muncher but I know how to nod my head and indicate an understanding of their stoopid idea and then get it done my way... and, hell, if they're idea is better I'll use it! I don't feel very trusted in my job. I notice the one boss, who normally is very straight forward and believes in being totally honest did not look me in the eye today when I just happened to mention I liked teaching the rookies and would be available to fill in when the #1 team could not make it. She just said they haven't discussed it - buuuuloney poop. I don't think they trust I'll be around enough to give me any responsibility.

I hate that. I hate that so much I wonder if it would be better just to find another home. Get people and supervisors that don't know that I'm a good worker but just think I just have issues of not ending up in a hospital for a week or out with a flare for a couple of weeks. I HATE THIS FUCKING STOOOOPID RIDICULOUS DISEASE. I sort of wish I'd experienced the hell of going 10+ years without being diagnosed - I think I'd be better off just thinking I'm a clumsy blonde with horrible medical luck.

I'm never the smartest, funniest, prettiest, anything-est in a crowd whether it be personally or professionally. The one thing that sets me apart and why you'd hire me is my willingness to work hard and the fact that you can count on me to do what I say. So, that's where my self-worth is based, at least in my work. So, take away that and I'm worth less than toe jam. So, being not trusted at work - I'm toe jam's ugly drunk cousin (married to their cousin - and my tree has roots in Arkansas so I'm allowed).

This fuckin' sucks. I'm sorry I've got trucker-mouth. I just don't give a possom's ass.... everybody's always thinks the rat's ass means more but I personally think a possom's is uglier.

Monday, January 5, 2009

New Comedian...

Sorry for leaving it on Gabriel Iglesias for so very long over there on the funnies... But he was very funny!! "Cuz you smelled'em" is my favorite line!! HAHAHAHAAH And, he's got the best laugh.

But, another very very very cynically funny and truthful man is Lewis Black. You can watch a ton of his stuff on youtube but also on comedy central's website. Enjoy his humor!! AHAHAHAHAHAH

Operative Summary...

I know I'm one of the lucky ones that not only has really good insurance with work (my papa always told me to get a government job for the benefits...) but I also have supplemental insurance. I do have to be a part of a union to do this but that then gives me a tax write-off so..... One of my very bestus friends in the world is battling some very serious crappola in her brain and has done so for the past couple of years without any insurance... along with a very pesky freakin knee!!! Have any of you lost your sense of smell?? She has.... can you imagine not being able to taste??? And she's a helluva cook - I'll only eat her tiramisu and her lemon chicken is to diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie for!!!! So, know that this post IS NOT bitching about my insurance in any way shape or form - even if it deserved to be bitched at I would not because of some of my friends - in person and online - do not have any to bitch about!!!

However, it made for some interesting reading when I got my neurosurgeon's Operative Summary Report which I had to get to file my claim with the duck. Turns out my little foray into back surgery was a little more complicated once they opened me up>>>>

The nerve root and thecal sac were found to be severely displaced posteriorly due to the underlying ruptured disc. There was a small tear of the ligament with a small extruded fragment... Some disc material extruded spontaneously under high pressure. The disc space was further entered, and any remaining soft disc fragments were removed piecemeal.

I went into surgery being told that my disc was more than likely under heavy pressure and due to it being "insert word I don't remember here" but it was something like dehydrated and they would be removing a portion of the disc that was pressing on my nerve root. Post-surgery my doc told me everything went great, they got the part of the disc being pressed upon out, and I was good to go. Was I told that I had a small tear in my ligament on my spine? Nope. Was I told that there were fragments of my ligament also in that area? Nope. Was I told that my disc had officially ruptured (remember that word!)? Nope.

Do I care? Ummmmm, trying not to. Did y'all ever get stitches growing up? I didn't. I now have a couple of scars on my chin and legs and fingers that should have gotten stitches. My mom's cure was always to drown it in hydrogen peroxide, tons of guaze held in place sometimes by duct-tape (and for those of you wondering... yes, some of my formative years were spent in a trailer park!!!) and a kiss to make it better. What did I do? I believed her and went about my business. It didn't hurt anymore and I didn't think anything of it because she didn't think anything of it.

I rather wish I had not read the doctor's statement. I was fine thinking it hurt before, he fixed it, and it doesn't even come close to hurting that bad anymore and recovery pain is always better than hurt pain!!! I know I'll get over it, but it keeps jarring around in my brain. Think of how much stuff hits those lesions in our brains and just gets lost? Why doesn't this info get lost in a lesion?!?!? I told it to stick it's head up my cervical lesion figuring it would appreciate still being in my spine. It stuck it's tongue out at me! (well, it sorta waved a piece of floating ligament at me in my vision but that's sorta gross....)

I'm now hanging out at home, having already scanned the doc's report in for posterity and sealed it up to send to the duck's claim office. I did my first full day back in the office today since 11/13... I got through one pile and have another to do tomorrow and then I got told this afternoon I have to fill in at the academy tomorrow and teach in the afternoon. I'm cleared to drive but I haven't really done any yet just for comfort level. Guess I'll get over that real quick!

Sunday, January 4, 2009


Wow - can you believe it's already the 4th of January, 2009?? Looks like this year is going to fly by just like 2008. New Year's Eve was an absolute blast! Spent with very good friends, lots of food, and so much laughter my sides still hurt. We have a couple of traditions at the annual eve gatherings....

The first is watching a dvd of pictures of all the events, gatherings, and fun had by all of us throughout the year. It's a lot of "oohs" and "cuuuuute" and "HAHAHAHAHA"s as the 300 pictures go by to usually a very upbeat song about good life and good friends. We had pics from the camping trip, Cozumel, birthday dinners, KS dance, and random dinners and lunches. JP always does a great job of putting it together and we all are a bit teary eyed at the end just remembering all the good times. Luckily, this year, nobody on the viewing was lost... we'd had 2 years running where we had a picture of a lost loved one (a good friend's sister and friend both to breast cancer for those 2 years - I didn't really know either of them really well but anything that tugs at my friends' hearts tugs at mine!) We all gets copies of the DVD as well as the cd of the pictures used. JP mentioned that she's going to have to use the next biggest slide show that will allow 450 pictures for the next year because she said she still had a lot more to put in....

The second one is only in it's 2nd year of new year's eve tradition - but we're going to keep it around for a while. We did a white elephant panty exchange! Let me tell you how hard my sides were hurting at all the laughing we did! Apparently last year there was the biggest pair of granny panties ever seen by anyone - this year it was the "sexy" stuff that had us rolling! I think I did pretty well with the pair I submitted to the party - it was a pair of underwear for 2... It had 4 leg holes!!! OMFG!!! I'm starting to choke from laughing hard at just the memory of T & B putting them on!!! I forgot my camera but I know there are TONS of pics of that moment... although the first couple ones were blurry because the ones taking the pics were laughing their arses off!! I won't mention what I came home with but it was very good! I didn't get the yummy ones because those were present!!!! And it always the quiet ones that you have to watch out for - the quiet one walked away from the exchange after stealing a very very very VERY teeny tiny Raquel Welch type thong..... we asked for pics but I doubt we get them!!! LOL

I had so much fun bringing in 2009. Much better than bringing in 2008 - that was spent in St. Luke's Hospital where my other half woke me up a few minutes before midnight to celebrate and to tell me I could have more pain meds if I wanted them. They never did figure out what the hell was wrong with me - the final discharge papers said "viral intestinal infection". I guess that's what they put when you spend a week in the hospital unable to keep anything down running a temp over 101 for 4 days..... Course, that's also when my body introduced me to spasticity. Hadn't had any dealings with it before that - my neuro said the fever probably awoke that giant. Needless to say...glad I was able to bring in this year differently.

I really don't have a lot of "resolutions" for this year. We all want to be better people - in our jobs, our relationships, and in life. That's a given. I really just want a year free of a hospital stay and a surgery - they don't always go hand in hand together... Remember that horrible spinal tap? I count that as a surgery - especially since I had to go get "plugged up" 4 days later when they hadn't fully plugged me up after the original tap. That wasn't a hospital "surgery" or "stay" but that much time in the freakin' ER qualifies!!! Seriously, though - I accept that this disease means way too many doctor's visits but I'd rather sit in my neuro's waiting room the whole day to avoid a hospital stay and/or procedure. I've got that wonderful optomotrist's visit at the end of this month with the vision field test ... I'll bore y'all with that later this month when I get to britch about the after-effect headache and dizziness. I just want to go this year without having a hospital visit/procedure claim on my supplemental insurance - is that really too much to ask?? AHAHHAHA