: p ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~....

That's how I feel. I'm pissy. I'm sad. I'm pissed off. Everything is making my eyes tear up. I feel useless at work. I can't sit down at work and so my feet fuckin' hurt - I'm talking fire ants up the coochie hurt!!!

I've been back at work for 3 whole days now. Yip-bitch-ee. Things have changed so much since 11/13. My 2 closest co-workers are across the hallway with another good co-worker. Another co-worker is at with the feds full time across town, with her partner with her 2 days of the week. Our newest people into the units aren't bad people but their fabric doesn't match the existing, worn-in, perfect fit jeans we used to have. The best supervisor in the unit is more than likely going to promote so that's going to suck. She was my direct supervisor but I got switched in the restructuring our unit went through right before I went out.... I'm a good little indian (literally, since I'm Cherokee) and really have no desire to promote and can pretty much get along with almost any supervisor...

I'm not a ass-muncher but I know how to nod my head and indicate an understanding of their stoopid idea and then get it done my way... and, hell, if they're idea is better I'll use it! I don't feel very trusted in my job. I notice the one boss, who normally is very straight forward and believes in being totally honest did not look me in the eye today when I just happened to mention I liked teaching the rookies and would be available to fill in when the #1 team could not make it. She just said they haven't discussed it - buuuuloney poop. I don't think they trust I'll be around enough to give me any responsibility.

I hate that. I hate that so much I wonder if it would be better just to find another home. Get people and supervisors that don't know that I'm a good worker but just think I just have issues of not ending up in a hospital for a week or out with a flare for a couple of weeks. I HATE THIS FUCKING STOOOOPID RIDICULOUS DISEASE. I sort of wish I'd experienced the hell of going 10+ years without being diagnosed - I think I'd be better off just thinking I'm a clumsy blonde with horrible medical luck.

I'm never the smartest, funniest, prettiest, anything-est in a crowd whether it be personally or professionally. The one thing that sets me apart and why you'd hire me is my willingness to work hard and the fact that you can count on me to do what I say. So, that's where my self-worth is based, at least in my work. So, take away that and I'm worth less than toe jam. So, being not trusted at work - I'm toe jam's ugly drunk cousin (married to their cousin - and my tree has roots in Arkansas so I'm allowed).

This fuckin' sucks. I'm sorry I've got trucker-mouth. I just don't give a possom's ass.... everybody's always thinks the rat's ass means more but I personally think a possom's is uglier.