Sunday, November 9, 2008


Apparently I'm not the only one that's having issues loading videos in their posts... I went to the help blogs and I wasn't the first, nor will I be the last, to state their issues... And nobody had answered anybody yet... so I'll have to check back later...

WOO HOOO Texas Tech!!!! They stomped OSU!! Guns Up baby!! The Red Raiders are going to stop the Tide from rolling when they get the chance!! Then, the only issue will be if I'll be hosting the national championship party or one of my many Tech alum friends... we'll have to see!

Course, the Texans are sucking it up so bad right now I've changed the channel! I swear our quarterback doesn't know the difference between our wide receivers and the defense! And they're wearing PURPLE this week!!!!! AGHHHHHHHHHH!! Seriously, good thing my mood doesn't depend on the outcome of my teams... luckily I've grown past that (to an extent - I'm glad my Cowboys have a bye week cuz I don't think I could handle anymore of a drop in my depression!!!!)

I've been thinking about something lately. As MSers, we're all very thankful for our care-givers, especially in the many shapes they come in. I've got a work team that picks up my print-outs from the printer and does any general "errands" they can when I'm having a not-so-good balance day and they don't want to see the human pinball version of me walking between the cubicles... (it's actually sorta funny until I get home and see all the bruises on my arms and hips). I've got my family that watches me like a hawk anytime I'm around and doesn't let me do stuff still... I thought I'd finally overcome it, being the baby in the family and all... nope. Then, we have our loving partners, live-in roommates, or live-in family that take care of us. They actually get mad at US if we don't let them do stuff for us...

I don't have any two-legged kids (yet - to be determined in the future...) but there's ALOT of MSers out there that do have them. Parents are the ultimate care-givers... especially since that job never ends... My father is now caring for his parents who are no longer able to survive on their own (and my Nana - love her to death!!!!! - has gone completely off the deep end). Yet, he's still my dad and trying to be a care-giver to me.. He was going to come down and live with me for that month I was blind in that one eye and live in a hotel to do it... I luckily, for our relationship, talked him out of that but he wanted to do it. How do you handle being a care-taker and being a care-giver?

My partner also is a member of the autoimmune disorder team....with Crohn's Disease. We actually share some similar symptoms - joint pain, fatigue, general ugh-iness. Her current medicine that has her in remission is a pill that's currently being looked at for a possible oral medication for MS. We joke about competing hospital visits...although I've got a 3-1 edge on her right now.... not really something you really want to win, ya know? Anyways, I don't like it when I can't be all the care-giver I can be because MY autoimmune disorder prevents me from doing it... Her innards are giving her fits and she just needs to hang out on the couch... Groovy! I want to be able to be the one to get all the drinks, snacks, anything she needs me to bring her... but if then my hips decide they don't want to work that day - or I can't really move all that well because my back... I don't like it. I don't like not being able to give, to do for my care-taker.

How am I supposed to be able to be a partner if I can't give my share? How do I not become nothing but a taker when I want to give? I want to be able to do not only my share of household chores and general partnership duties but I also want to be able to take care of her when she needs it. I want to be able to do my part of providing. Of all the crap that this crappy disease takes away, I think it's the imbalance it creates that really hurts. I am one of those people that seeks out and needs affection and wants that other half around for everything. I'm not a loner - I'm a partner. I want to grocery shopping, errand-running, and vacationing with my better half. That's the way I'm built. But I do not want to drain my other half. I don't want to leave my other half needing more from me than I can provide. If I use all of it up, where does that leave me, her, our relationship? I bitch enough about the physical aspects of this illness because it's easier to take your frustrations out on the "visible" aspects... and makes it easier to ignore the "hidden" ones.... I just think the whole thing bites! I'm determined to outsmart this aspect of the disease... I'm working on the details of how to do it, but the main thing is I'm working on it!!!

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