MS.

Swimming....

2009-08-25T17:58:00.000-07:00

So, stooopid MS interrupted my swim for the first time! I should be excited that this is the first time in so many swims... But, on my last round of laps my right foot seized up to my knee. Well, that's a little bit of an exaggeration, since it just bent up to my ankle...

I hate spasticity - really, that's my biggest bitch... or, more aptly, it's the part of my MS that makes me it's biggest bitch! When my legs or arms start going - I'm screwed!!! That damn lesion on my C5....

But, I did still have a good swim since it happened in the last 2-3 minutes of my swim. So, I didn't lose that much. Course, I was then royally creeped out when the creepy old man sitting in the hot tub offered to rub my foot - TWICE!

So, I had already spent about 2-3 minutes in the pool trying to rub out the spasm but it had moved to my calf. Now, not only am I pissed about my foot I get to waddle to the hot tub to sink my foot (and only my foot!) in there - very obvious that I was cramped up. He's across the spa from me and asks if I'm okay - no problems there... I looked horrible with my waddle over the hot tub.

BUT, BUTTTTTT, BUTTTTTTT - would you offer to rub a complete stranger's foot?? In the hot tub of the gym??? EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW I was still polite and my inner beauch did not come out. I declined and then he was okay with the chit-chat...

Until, yup - you guessed it!!!! By this time he's moved to my side of the hot tub and he offers again, and just so I know he's serious - he's leaned in and scooted closer. Okay, if I could have run away at that point I would have - but my foot's still turned into my ankle and not wanting to give it up. Again - no bitch, I think because my foot's still got too much of my attention but I say it a little bit more forcefully and I think he's got the hint...

Luckily, within a few more minutes my foot released enough to escape to the women's locker room... Sigh - MS is enough to deal with... why did I have to deal with creepy old guy at gym, too????

Music good for MS?

2009-08-14T18:20:00.000-07:00

Have you gotten your Momentum magazine yet? I did and it was so nice to hear... well, you know what I mean. (Warning to shiny thing: anybody know the term for the symptom of when you hear words? I actually tried to google it and it was pretty funny some of the non-related issues that came up...)

The article was "CAM: Music and the brain may be therapeutic duet" and here it is. Anyways, the issue talks about how music might actually help with brain function. The music stimulates parts of our brains simultaneously and gets a lot of neurons and synapses excited and they start dancing along to the music... Then, that's a good thing because if there's more than one area going at the time...

Keeps our brains good when they need it. We know that our brain needs regular activity to keep it young and healthy. I've been trying to be good and play my brain age game on the DS. That or soduku or scrabble or anything that makes me think (despite trying to refuse to do that away from work).

I have to say that I really liked reading that article because it can justify my music addiction. Yes, I will admit I have a problem. Hey, my name is Holly and I am a music addict. Now, I'm not one of those addicts that'll just jam on anything. No, I have my preferences. My true temptation is not THE Temptations - it's THE Judds - and all those other artists with a twang thang... My faves are Reba, Trisha, Martina, Terri, Wynonna, Gary, Trace, Kenny, those Rascalls, and really I need to stop now because I haven't even gotten to Pat, Bleu, Garth, Hank, Johnny, Patsy, Conway, or so many others... Although, I tend to agree that I have to get to know you a while before I let you get anywhere near my Willie!!!

Okay - deep breath - I'm getting really excited typing over here. Cuz, I don't think you're feeling just how deep my addiction goes. I have an Ipod that I just recently got because my old one, one of the early generation 20GB ones, was full. Yes, you read that right - FULL! I now have the 120GB so that should last me a while. If you have joined that evil, evil, cult known as an Itunes user, you know that they allow you to keep a special tab of those songs that fall under "purchased" - as opposed to some of my other playlists like "Wanna Listen", "Paisley", and TC.

And that "purchased" isle has caused some trouble with me. Again, I have to admit - I have a problem. I know admittance to the problem is half the battle. The other half the battle - well, I said and I had a freakin' problem, didn't I? I will not name the number of songs on my Ipod and I will for sure as hell not tell you how many of those fall under the purchased album. I can tell you, to be fair about my problem and battle with this addiction, that I still have about 200 cd's still to add to my collection... Now, this is old CD's that I've had for a long time and probably about 30 from the merging of my own and my other half's collection...

But, thanks to the latest issue of Momentum magazine, I realize I no longer have a problem. I have a treatment!!! Yes, folks.... I now own the equivalent of a brain TENS unit!!!!!! I just put those electrodes (earbuds) into my ear and select my playlist (how about Just Because) and make sure the volume isn't at 13 year-old level and BOOM! I've got instant brain therapy!! I wonder if all my purchases can be written off as medical expenses now? Seriously, any MS CPA's out there that'll help me out with this one?!??!!

I've got a new toy!!!...

2009-08-02T14:56:00.000-07:00

And it's sooooo awesome!! I got a new stove!! It's soooo pretty!!! It's a gas range with 5 burners - with the 5th center burner that's long. I'm soooo happy!!!

We had friends over last night and grilled steaks and I baked beer bread and peach cobbler and they both turned out wonderful!! And, that's using verbal feedback from the people who ate it!! LOL I also used the top burners to whip up some mashed potatoes and saute'd bell peppers. YUMMERS!

Now, the reason we (well, need to be honest - I) decided to finally break down and buy the new stove was because the old one was finally breaking down! We were having to use a lighter to light the burners because the igniters built in were no longer working. That's not a deal-breaker... Annoying but completely able to work with it. But when it started to mess with my brownie-making capabilities because the heating was so uneven and not maintaining temperature - NU UH!!

Two weeks ago the other half put up a ceiling fan in the kitchen for me to reduce heat. Well, turned out we might not have needed that - seems our old stove was unable to maintain heat because it was letting most of it out!!! We all know how MS and heat love each other - so anything requiring me to be over/next to the stove for a little while was not a good combo. The new stove keeps all the heat where it belongs - in the stove!

My honey kept laughing at me because I just kept making yippee noises as I went about making my bread and desserts. Hey, it's the little things in life - I love my new stove!!

We've had a good weekend. Hung out with the neighbors quite a bit. One of the best silver linings from Hurricane Ike was the new friends we've made in all of our neighbors. Seriously, we would wave and exchange polite conversation with everyone in the cul de sac. But, now - beers and sarcasm and fun!! We all ended up in chairs in one our neighbor's front yards with all the kiddos running around and laughing and talking. Coversation is not a problem! And, last night we had people from all but 1 of the houses (8 total) sitting in J's front yard. And, as much as we'd love to have the complete circle - no one's missing that one house... I'm sure they're nice people but they have not tried to get to know people at all - even during and after the hurricane when we were all sharing extension cords and ice and grills and propane and feeding everyone - they never came outside!!!!

We're in a major drought down here in SE Texas. We're like 7-8 inches below where we normally are for the year in rainfall. It really bites!! We've all just accepted the brown spots in the yard - we can only water so much!! And, even thought August in Texas is normally hot as hell - it's even more than normal! I have been indoors even more than normal because of the heat. I've only worn my cooling vest once - just because I have not been going outside.

And, you'd think without any rain we'd have less mosquitos. True - to an extent. Course, I was enjoying my cold Blue Moon(s) and hardly noticed the damn nuissances biting me until the next day. Now - my legs and feet are covered. How the hell did they get underneath my foot? I actually have a bite on the underside of my arch on my right foot??!?!?! I never knew how much my tizanidine would help my legs deal with too many mosquito bites!! AHAHHAHAH

Do I have MS?...

2009-07-28T17:03:00.000-07:00

That was one of the results of a search query that my other half did this past Saturday. There was a reason we were doing a search, though... and it was funny little endeavor for the evening...

So, I'm just chillin out and laying on my side on the couch. My honey was at the other end relaxin. We just put a movie on when my phone beeps that I have a text message. I grab my phone to look at it - and I can't see it.

Well, that's not a truly accurate description - I could see that there were words on a white background on my phone but there was this lightening bolt shooting across my eye and vision field. And, anytime I moved my head the bolt moved with me. As I kept blinking and shaking my head, thinking maybe I had my head tilted a little off or my eye was just a little dry - nope. The bolt was there the entire time.

I looked up towards anything on the wall or away from the tv. Now, the bolt was joined by a ripple moving through anything I attempted to focus on - with the emphasis on "attempted to"... So, we go to the handy-dandy google search on lightening bolt in the eye. One of the first things that popped up was a "Do I have MS?" title to a link to a post on WebMD.com. We cracked up!!! We were laughing very hard.... I'm sorry - ENNNGGHGGGHGH - no whammy no whammy no whammy - do not pass go and do not collect $200 - I already have MS!!

I hollered at my doc friend - no biggie just holler at me so we can laugh at this new MS symptom. Well, we actually did find something that fit on WebMD. Basically, my eye had a little "migraine" and decided to take a break from normal functioning. It lasted right about 20 minutes and it was gone. I had a bit of a headache later that night that tylenol was able to quash. I don't remember the exact term that we found but it was basically an eye headache - apprently it can also be a pre-cursor to a migraine so I was a little worried about that.

I do have a history of migraines but hadn't had one in a while (2 years). And, we had tickets to Phantom of the Opera the next day with 3 other couples. I was a little tired the next day but I wonder if it would have been better to not have done anything the next day. I did not sleep at all on Sunday night and did try to go into work on Monday morning... Got all dressed and drove in - althought I was falling asleep while driving in. I got up to the office and literally had to put my head down on my desk because I could not keep my eyes open.

After 45 mins I went and told the boss I felt like hell and he confirmed I looked the part as well... I came home and slept, literally, all but a total of 3 hours for the next 18 hours. I woke up to go to the ladies room at 1245 and 430 - the other half woke me up at 6 to eat a little bit and then I was back in bed at 730 - and was alseep by 8 and slept until the alarm went off this morning. I have to admit - I have been tired and I've felt that MS fatigue - but, to borrow a fellow blogher's phrase - this was my first experience with train-wreck fatigue that was not associated with a fever or flare.

I could NOT keep my freakin' eyes open. I had no problem sleeping last night despite sleeping all freakin day. Today, a little tired but no more than normal. Had a very interesting meeting. I don't speak computer but I know how antiquated our system is for record management. So, the city has accepted the bidder for our new system and they're beginning to create it and our meeting with all the different divisions of our department. Today was our division - and I was ordered to attend. I thought it would be in all zeros and ones but it was actually in English.

I'll be invited back to play with it as they modify and make things right... should be fun! Course, I'll have to stay awake in the meetings!!! AHAHHAHAHAHHAHA That's what they make route44 sonic drinks for!

So you think you can....

2009-07-22T17:23:00.000-07:00

Dance is sooooo awesome!!!

I just wish I could move like that... It would be awesome to just have Mia Michaels choreograph a number for me. Course, she'd have to forget how she's worked with all those amazing dancers that could move and twist and turn and DANCE! LOL

If you don't know the show or don't think you'd like it... Check out this Emmy-winning performance that Mia Michaels won a couple of years ago... I have to admit I'm against any/all reality tv. I don't make fun of anybody that does - it's just that I get too much reality at work so I don't like to watch it at home. Now, I have to admit to laughing my arse off at tru tv's worlds stupidest criminals show.

Now, that is some hilarous stuff!! I call it job security! But, getting back to what little point I have... So You Think You Can Dance is sooooo awesome!! I'm watching it as I type and have to admit to being distracted quite a bit. Especially since Ellen's on it tonight. Another funny person!!

Course, I've also been a bit distracted lately by a new little symptom that is a little annoying. And, I'm not really sure it's even a symptom or not. Probably so, just because any little piece of shit thing that goes "wrong" with the body - gotta be the MS. Like every House episode - MS has gotta come up at some point...

My legs itch. They really itch. They itch to the point of hurts. They itch to the point of me scratching til the legs turn red - probably from the blood, but who knows. : ] Kidding - a bit. And, why the hell does a heating pad work to tame some of our symptoms, when heat is the worst thing for us??

Seriously, I'm a big fan of irony but that's not really funny. Know what's been getting the itchies to calm down? Epson salt baths - warm to hot baths. Really?!?!?! Heating pad - turned up at least to medium or it doesn't work... *sigh* I've just been laughing at my legs like I laugh at all the other ironic pieces and bits of this wonderfully crappy disease.

I have to admit today turned out to be better than I thought it was going to be. I woke up all flushed and hot and sweaty but no fever. Okay - shower helped that feel better. Driving into work, my hands kept tingling off and on and fingers were going numb off and on. No big deal because the whole thing wasn't going off/on... Can make driving my standard a little bit interesting, but I've got a really big knob on it - It's very cool cuz it's actually an actual MLB baseball!!! And, now that I've had it on there a while it's all dirty and looks like a baseball should - all mucked up!!

Oh well... I was too tired to do my swim on Tuesday so I'm really going to want to end up at the gym tomorrow. I have to go out to the academy and edumacate some wanna-bes and that usually runs a little bit long, so we'll see.... Okay - the dancing is getting too distracting. Off to finish the show!!!

I got the coolest...

2009-07-15T17:16:00.000-07:00

new toy!!! I used it on my swim yesterday. And, now, I'm a little more sore than normal since I swam a little faster than normal and a little longer...

I got a gadget that lets me swim while listening to my ipod!! I'm sooooo stoked!! And, the ear phones work as ear plugs so I wasn't dealing with some vertigo issues afterwards due to water in the ear. And, before you go being all helpful with suggesting normal ear plugs or a swim cap - hate hate hate HATE those things. I'd rather have a bit of hair in my face than deal with a dang cap.

I haven't tried one in years but I just remember all the pulling and UGH! Course, I do not have a sensitive head anymore so I really should... : p~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (that's the smiley equivalent of going SPTHHHHHHHHHHH)

I had a really good swim! Course, some scwiggly little troll jumped in my lane in the middle of a lap without warning with 2, I repeat freakin' 2 open lanes!!! I was even on the opposite side from the stepped entrance!!!!!! Course, i just grapped my water bottle and jumped over to the middle lane. And, then.... she was maybe in the pool for 10 minutes. Hey, I'm all for doing anything - absolutely anything, even if it's 5 minutes - to get a workout and movement in. But she stayed at one end and I have no clue what she was doing and THERE WERE 2 OPEN LANES!!!! So, I was in the pool for 2 more rounds (4 more songs with a small rest in between so probably around 15-20 minutes) more.

She was in the hot tub when I was leaving - which then brought about my jealous green envy for the fact that she got to get in and enjoy that heated tub of bubbles and I can only look and maybe stick my calves in every now and then. So, I tried to make nice kharma and look over and sorta do that head-bob-semi-smile-eye-contact that sorta says "hey" in a gym setting that's not scary or creepy, ya know? I musta put too much eye contact or scary into it though - I think I scared the crap outta her. Not only did she drop her eye-contact but she physically moved further into the hot tub away from me...

Okay, seriously - I can be scary. I can get very very scary - and then I can hit that holy hell that makes you reach for rosary beads even if your Jewish, ya know? Anyways, I only use that last one at work and I've never had to go 2-very's on anything outside of work so I don't know... I mean - I'd probably look a tad scary if I had the swim-cap on... *shrug* I don't think she was old enough to drink yet, so maybe I've reached that age where I now scare people between a certain age demographic... Little ones like me cuz I'll be a silly person around them. That weird pre-teen and early teenagers like me cuz I do have a few good jokes that are suitable for them and I actually talk to them instead of at them! My teenage niece seems to like me and all my friends' teenage kids remember my name out of all of the others (and I don't where a bikini when I swim- so that's saying something!!)

But, I remember being that awkward young adult that was too old to be a teenager but "wise" adults scared me a little bit - how do I talk to them and relate to them when I still wanna think about scoring some alcohol but also want to have philosophical discussions about the big man/woman controlling the universe and where dippin' dots came from... We'll see. IF she jumps in my lane again then it just means she got a hold of some bad hydro. IF she gets into one of the empty lanes - well, I'll try not to scare her next time.

Wow - didn't know where the hell this was going and didn't realize that little girl had made an impact on the dura mater but it did. Work is work. Life is wonderful and all is good. Screw everything else, right?? : ]

Sundays would be better....

2009-07-12T14:20:00.000-07:00

if they didn't lead right into Mondays and a return to work! HAHAHAHA

I love my job so it's just a matter of having to follow a set of rules to earn money and benefits and hopefully be able to retire to a house near the water while I'm still able to cast a line...

I know my life would be different if I'd just win a major lottery with at least 4 million. I see 2 problems to this happening, though. 1 - you have to PLAY the lottery to be able to win it!! AHAHAHAH 2 1- ever seen all those documentaries about those people that do win the lottery? They don't fare too well, do they?

I'm able to enjoy things right where I'm at so I'm not bitching or whining - Isn't more than enough financial security something that one always dreams about having?

My left arm decided to play nice with the rest of my body by the next morning. Course, the day after one of those body temper-tantrums, whatever part of the body that decided to do their own thing... pretty sore. Luckily I didn't have to do a lot of typing the following day at work so it got rested.

Course, work was really messed up after some co-workers emptied a good doctor's house, clinics, and storage unit and I'm helping them go through it all... If I didn't believe in evil before my job, I certainly would now. There's no way other than to believe in evil after seeing some of the things I've seen. Course, I also believe in all the good that is out there and that is primarily where my heart and soul take up residence because I still believe in constant laughter and smiles and all that is wonderful.

My next mission, which I have chosen to accept, is to find myself a new stove. The one I have right now is on it's last legs. It's having it's own moments of MS sympathy pains with me... It's flames don't always fire right (I have to use a lighter to get the burners to work) and sometimes it doesn't distribute heat in a good manner (brownies taking over an hour to make - not cool when you're in steroid crave mode!!) . I know what I want I just gotta find the one that's in my price range. Then, I'll allow the old one to proceed to the stove other-world.

i'm trying to prove i'm boss...

2009-07-08T15:46:00.000-07:00

but it's not working very well...

my left hand and arm are moving through a tar pit right now -- tar pit filled with slow drying concrete mixed sand.

i am making myself type with both my hands to type this so i can prove i am the boss. how's that working out for myself - i started this post 10 minutes ago! i'm a 90+ minute a word typer normally.... i learned on the old typewriter that the keys had to be pressed 3 inches deep to get the letter on the paper. Keyboards rock!!!

OK - no caps this post cuz it's too hard to hit that shift key and stretch. and, i will not keep typing that fuckin slow. i'm debating leaving all the typos in as well cuz deleting is annoying as well.

had a great swim yesterday. am rewarding myself with a waterproof ipod case to swim with now. have been swimming pretty regularly. it's been great and i feel better. have had some cramps in my feet of all places - caused me to skip my last interval last thursday but i've been able to ignore a lot of them. swallowed a lot of water when that last one hit me. at least i use mouthwash!

we're headed back into another several days with 100+ temps. we hit 114 heat index this past weekend. it's going to be one of the hottest on record - even for se texas!! august is going to bite!! oh well - lots of visits to friends pools and the beachhouse!! i love the 70 spf - it works!!!

So much fodder...

2009-06-27T19:56:00.000-07:00

Going on in the big bad world right now - I have a ton of thoughts on all of it but none of it worth blathering about on here... I thought I'd blather about other things that I do want to talk about tonight.

First, I must perform a bow of respect to Herrad over Access Denied for granting me my award...

I promise to find some new blogs to open my horizons and view different perspectives, both about and not-about MS, and pass along the gracious bow to them!! Thank you!!

First of all - It's one of my regular visits and I LOVE the way she's able to put into words all of those "weird" feelings we get:

My Journey with MS
Thank you Kimberly! For you tireless courage to keep on keepin on!!

Crohn'S Disease - Living with Crohn's Disease Blog
Our myelin is not the only thing our immune disease likes to feast on! Scottie Roy puts an athletic face on this disease - which is luckily becoming more common! It's amazing how much the diseases have in common!

Confessions of a CF Husband
The amazing triumph of this family is amazing!! Just drop by there - plenty of good writing and lots of pics of a cute kiddo - what's not to love??!?!

The OTHER mother
Families come in all shapes and sizes and this one happens to have 2 mothers. Can be political but covers a lot of fun stuff, with a unique perspective.

Texas 2 Tennessee
Well, if you can't promote your friends shamelessly, what's the use of having a soapbox??? A member of my family's journey to find herself amid this adventure we call life!!

WoW!! Going through all my blogs that I drop by and visit I wish I had enough room to write a personal note for each one!! I want to say thank you to all of y'all that take the time to share with others online!

Recovery day...

2009-06-22T13:58:00.000-07:00

From a non-MS related issue. Nope, this time the issue is Vegas. Sheesh - I'm tired!! Course, when you average going to bed at around 2 in the morning and getting up around 8 or 9, plus a lot of walking aaround and sight-seeing. Luckily, this was not my first time to the city that never sleeps so I didn't have to hit all the main tourist spots that I did last time. Course, I still haven't seen the pirate ship sinking at Treasure Island....

We all gathered in that wonderful sin city for a friend's 50th birthday party. We had a blast!! And, I got to see the divine Miss M up close and personal!! She is so freakin amazing!! I love Bette Midler!!! And her show was soooooo gooooooooood!!! Hilarious and yet very touching, I cried through my laughter throughout my show.

So, today I was able to take off just to rest. And, not because of horrible fatigue but just because I needed it. That's only the 2nd time this year that I have taken a day off not due to vacation or sickness!! I had to tell my supervisor this morning that I was fine, I just wanted to take the day off. She laughed and said that was a new one for me!! And, then granted my request. That's okay - I'll take them donuts tomorrow. They probably know that, too!!

Course, the day I get to be a bit lazy and just do some laundry from the trip and finish unpacking - the cable goes out!! Shnikeys! I hate comcast, I really do. I miss Time Warner Cable. They reset the box and it still doesn't work. I'll wait til the honey gets home and puts her technical mind to work on it - if that doesn't work then I guess we'll have to call a tech out.

I didn't take even close to as many pics on this little trip but I did take a few... including this one of my appetizer of fried green tomatoes topped with goat cheese and chicken salad (made with balsamic vinagrette). I would have never imagined the taste that came from that... here's the picture of the original presentation! Amazing - so, if you ever get to Vegas and want to go where the locals go and don't mind going off strip - The Hash House is the place for you! If you go at lunch - have your leather on cuz that's when the original bikers come out that originally made the place!!

What's not to love about a food with Monkey in it's title....

2009-06-15T17:02:00.000-07:00

I love Monkey Bread. I remember waking up to it as a kid, my mom baking it. She did it the real way, making it from scratch - kneading the dough and letting it rise and then roping it around and around the bundt pan. I found the short-cut way to really good Monkey bread that doesn't take all day. So, we enjoyed the hell out of it on a Sunday morning and then I passed along the good cheer this morning to my co-workers.

Course, before you go all thinking I'm a generous sort-of person - my theory is this... If I'm going down then I'm taking as many people with me as possible!! I can't just sneak into Shipleys and buy myself a couple of donuts... I make sure and bring some for other people, too. Again, I want passengers on my short-bus to hell!!!! My co-workers call me evil for this but I know loyalty can be bought with food at work among cubicle buddies!!!!

I survived our heat index of 107 on Saturday. Luckily my little charm played early in the morning and I got to see 3 of the games. The little ones were not excited about this and were not happy to be playing at that time. I wonder if it was us, though, considering they won the next game after I was not there 16-2!!! I didn't even need my terminator vest until the 3rd game. I was tired afterwards but it was so worth it. My little sweetheart did very well and I was so proud of her. I cannot imagine loving a little one so much!!!!

I'm just chillin at home right now - after 40 minutes on the bike at home. It felt wonderful. My legs didn't spasm too much even. I need to get a fan for that room cuz it seemed a little warm but I kept the water in me. Life is pretty good right now. Even better - we're going to Vegas this weekend AND AND AND AND I get to see Bette Midler at Caesar's!!! WOOOO HOOOOO!!!

One of those summers...

2009-06-12T17:29:00.000-07:00

In Texas... In SE Texas... Below sea-level... Surrounded by water.. (we have bayous)....

We've already had 3 days with a heat index over 100 this week. Not even normal by our standards. We're supposed to hit 98 tomorrow with a heat index possibly over 110!

Can you do the math? I can (even though I suck at it and was more of the English nerd). Heat+MS=SUCKS ASS!!

My niece, who I must brag about --- is only 8 1/4 and she's playing softball with a 10/11 year-old team --- is playing a softball tournament in the town I'm living in. I haven't been able to really see her recently (I don't see how my brother does it with 3 kiddos!) with her schedule. I'm sooooo psyched to see her play.

Yet, I'm still very crabby right now. Extremely crabby. Why? Because I hate the heat because I might not be able to sit out there for 2 measley games at 9 and 11 am. Without my cooling vest I might not be able to make it through 1 game.

Seriously, I have to "plan" to see my nieces and nephews and friends and friends' kids play anything outside. Because, had the games been at 11 and 1 then I would only be able to make 1 game and have to meet them later for lunch. Because of my fucking MS I have to check the heat index now starting 4 days ago until around, well, November now with this type of Indian summer (and, considering I'm 1/32nd Cherokee I can say that).

WTF? I mean, seriously, I'm worse off than all those other children out there in the hot sun playing baseball and softball that need to drink a ton of gatorade and keep in the shade. Remember as a kid when we did all that? And then went to our bff house and stayed up til 4 am watching who's the boss and hoped to catch a glimpse of Tomcat before he had the cat (and lost his mind?!?!)

I'll have to apologize now for the rambling, no-sense making muck coming from my fingers tonight. I got pissy this evening when the other half made me promise that I would leave the game if she felt I was getting over-heated. Really... no, my niece is not going to have a missing Aunt. I had a favorite aunt growing up and she meant a lot more to me than my mother and other family members sometimes. I'm this aunt with this niece. And, I'm not just bragging. Her dad (my brother) and his wife and my step-mom and dad and other brother have said how much my niece talks about me and worships me... I can't let that down. I'm her Aunt... I'm the one she's going to call/text/cyber-chat at 3 am from her soroirity house at 2 am after she's gotten way too drunk over some stupid jock that cheated on her... me, not anyone else...

Yet, if I can't make a few fucking games now - because of this stupid disease - will I still get that?? I know, there's a lot of gray in that area when she's only 8 1/4 now... but, but, BUTTT-shnickeys limoney-cricket mfucks... it still sucks.

SIGH.

I'll wear my terminator vest and take my coolor to the stands with my 2nd set of ice-packs and hug the shit out of the cutest little blonde that'll hopefully grow out of her scary resemblence to me very soon!!! Not even thinking about the possibilities of not being able to pick her up and twirl her around me with the greatest face.... That'll at least remind me of why I do those damn shots every night, right?

Whopping 100!!...

2009-06-08T15:43:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe this is my 100th posting!!! WOW - I know I'm full of it but damn! Good thing I put a filter on... just kidding!!

I was going to get to this post last week but just when you think you've snuck around the corner from your MS... It pops out behind you and scares the pee out of you!!! And I use that analogy because that's exactly what my MS is NOT doing to me!!!

I have noticed that those of us in this MS universe have no problem discussing our bodily functions. We can't - it's too much of our daily vocabulary to ignore it. Then, even if we try - our lovely doctors, nurses, PA's, NP's, and all those other lovely medical professions potty-mouth train us early on...

Last Saturday - normal visit to the in-laws in Jamaica Beach. Didn't feel as active as I normally did but it was the first day of all relaxation since returning from the wedding/honeymoon trip. Didn't think anything of it. Spent all day there and got home and was tired. Normal. Then, Sunday morning happened. I thought I'd been run over by a Mack truck towing a yacht followed by an 18 wheeler moving van. And, on top of that - running a fever. Nothing too high but fear initiated!

Woke up Monday and no better - even worse because later Sunday I developed some horridly horrible stomach cramps and nothing was staying inside the body. And, when I try to empty the bladder, it wants to hold onto it a little longer before releasing it. Fever still there = staying home curled in a ball with the heating pad. Which, was not fun considering I was burning up!! Tuesday was an exact repeat of Monday. Plus, the wonderfully new symptom of a burn where the sun don't shine and there should never be a burn!! When I woke up Wednesday to nothing changed - I finally broke down and called the doc.

Got in later that morning and they suspected what I suspected... the dreaded UTI, possible bladder infection. I peed in their damn cup and gave it back to them. The doc prescribed Macrobid and ordered me without caffeine and chocolate. Let me just pause and give you the image of me while finding out that news: I am a police officer, therefore I own guns. It was also that time of the month for me... SOOOO telling me no chocolate AND caffeine - I warned the doc there might be dire consequences to that order.... I mean, I was planning on going right home after the doc visit but I did have to be in traffic!!! She told me I needed to do that while on the antibiotics. Sigh - let living hell begin.

I go home and start the damn pills. I give up my damn caffeine and chocolate. I still feel like crap the next morning but the fever starts to break. I'm going to the bathroom 80 times an hour due to all the water and cranberry juice I'm drinking. By mid-day I can't look at the TV or my computer or my book because my head starts hurting so bad. I'm thinking it's a major caffeine withdrawal headache - I think I probably drink too much caffeine. I suck it up and take a pain pill and chill. Until Friday when the headache only gets worse and worse and fever starts to become an issue again... I finally break down and call the doc back and let her nurse know how my head's about to explode all over my newly painted walls. She says the doc will call me back..

The doc calls me back and tells me that if the headache doesn't get any better by tomorrow morning she would suggest going to the emergency care clinic. She also tells me to stop the antibiotics - apparently there was not enough bacteria in my pee-pee to make me keep taking such a strong antibiotic. I can also drink a smaller amount of caffeine. I try the caffeine and the headache eases slightly but still have no tolerance for looking at anything. The doc then calls me again Sat morning and tells me that she wants me to come back to the clinic to get some blood drawn for a kidney function test. She knows I have MS and knows that minor bladder issues can cause big MS issues if left un-figured-out. I appreciate her effort and can tell she doesn't like to not have a diagnosis. ( I don't think she's equal to House since I wasn't in an ER with all sorts of crap hooked up to me and besides, I don't have big enough boobs for him.)

I go and let them draw one of the big tubes of blood from me. The first outing from my house since the previous Saturday. We stop for a quick wally-world visit and I'm beat. Literally, almost passing out from exhaustion and nausea has set in. The headache has become a dull roar and manageable. I can watch TV but no reading. I figure I'm going to wait to see what doc says about my blood. The fever has broken and I'm not in the fetal position anymore. Sunday was not too bad. Still not feeling better than 80-85% but that's better than the 5% from Wednesday.

Doc called this morning and now wants me to pee in the bucket for 24 hours. Still working on how I can do that and go to work - I'm thinking that's not going to happen... Hopefully it can be done on the weekend. I can't afford to miss anymore work. Her nurse was supposed to call me back to tell me what clinic to pick up the wonderful supplies for that one... Apparently my creatinine was slightly elevated. And, when I say slightly - mine's apparently 1.04 on a .5 to 1.00 scale. I found one site that said anything between .2 to 1.5 was normal for an adult female... so wondering...

Oh, I did forget to tell y'all about the hot flashes that started around Saturday morning... I feel like I'm burning up and start sweating like I've just run a couple of miles but my temp will be normal - even a low-grade (lowest was around 97.6). And, when I stand up or bend over I get a wonderful head rush full of dizziness and not knowing if I'm going to be able to stand back up or fall flat on my hind-quarters!!! FUN!

You know, I was wondering what the hell I was going to write about for my 100th post... Here I was thinking I was going to write about my MS here lately - and how it had fallen slightly off edge (it's never really in the back of my mind). Doc's nurse said they were concerned because apparently extra creatinine means muscle wasting... and that's not good since my lazy ass has not been doing anything using my muscles lately. And, I have to admit - everything about that phrase scares the holy living crap outta me.

Holy crappola! Maybe I should have tried to limit this post to 100 words. Round 4,287 vs. MS - dammit - no KO for me (and the TKO is a long long long LONG LONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG time coming!)

I have returned... from Niagara Falls!

2009-05-26T16:41:00.001-07:00

I have been a bit busy for the last couple of weeks. I had a vacation/wedding/reception to plan. I took that picture up there from our hotel room. That was what we woke up to everyday!! It was so amazing!!!

I have been busy for a little while in this planning (and have been neglecting my online presence) as I get a bit Monica-ish during the planning stage. It did get bad enough where the other half started answering to Chandler due to my manic state!!! AHHAHAHAHA But, it was worth it as it all turned out wonderful!!!

We did all the Falls touristy things... on the Canadian side only. It was soooooo beautiful!! We walked along the horseshoe falls, we went behind the falls, we walked along side the class 6 (the only one in the world according to them) rapids, we took the trolley car over the gorge, we rode into the falls on the Maid of the Mist, and saw how it all was formed! It was soooooo freakin amazing (you're going to get sick of that phrase in this post - just warning you now!!)

We traveled a little south to the wine country of the falls - Niagara on the Lake. We didn't want to be cows in an moo-tour so we created our own little event. We did the wonderful town/main street tour - it was so pretty and quaint and wonderfully relaxing. I do have to share the picture I have of the biggest marshmellow I have ever seen. I only wish there was a way to capture the smell so that others could experience it - the shop smelled awesome and it permeated out onto the street as well!! Here it is:

Can you believe that?!?!? I know - you're wondering why the hell I'm sharing a picture of a marshmellow when I have 300+ pics of the falls?!?!? But, look AT IT!! Can you grasp that it's a t-rex sized marshmellow - and a miniature one for t-rex at that?? The smell was so tempting ... but I resisted until dinner the next day when I got a much, much, much smaller version covered in dark chocolate with rasberry puree sauce with it!! Then we went to the Hillebrand vineyard (here's the link) We stood at that look-out porch shown on the home page! So pretty!

Then, the reason for the visit was Thursday. My partner and I are forever linked from that day forward! It was a wonderful event and we had an amazing day! Sigh - such a terrific day for us that I wish we were still in it!! But, we returned home to a party with our family and friends on that Saturday night and were blessed with such a wondeful outpouring of love and affection. I could've done without one of my really good friends hitting on my father, getting him to announce to everyone he still had a lot of sex appeal left in him (my step-mom WILL LOVE that story!!!!) It was my FATHER!!!!! OMG!!!

And, amazingly enough - my body decided to play nice to me. We did so much while on vacation and I never really had any problems. I had one day where my right arm tried to go all kapluey on me but I reasoned with it nicely and it decided to cooperate (and if you believe that - there's some ocean front property in Arizona I'd like to interest you in purchasing from me...) We did try to take at least 1-2 hours each day in the late afternoon to rest and relax in the hotel room, and so I think that helped. I only had one day where I had to go sit in a restaurant and drink a cool beverage to calm my heat down. So, I was very excited about that.

My left hand decided it wanted to mess with me this past Sunday but I figured it was due so I just let it have it's way with me. I've gotta get the cooling vest out of it's winter hibernation now as we're topping 90+ with 90+ humidity here - gotta love Texas summers!!

Do you need another picture of the falls?? Sure, I'll comply.... here's one of my faves:

Wow - has it been that long... ( and Idol spoiler alert!)

2009-05-06T18:25:00.000-07:00

Hmm... okay, don't like that color...

How about this one? Better for me. I had to pause and watch Ms. Abdul on the American Idol stage. What's with her wanna-be britney routine? I actually liked it, either last season or the one before that, when she and the dog collaborated and did that one song. I'll admit to it being on my ipod. It's catchy.

Course, I also have to admit to having Ms. Spears music as well. What can I say - it's perfect workout and mindless music. I'm one of those love music not only for the music but the lyrics. I don't have to worry about those with Ms. Spears... Although that leads to an interesting topic...

Have you heard the latest "song" from Britney? I didn't catch it until a co-worker told me about it. So, repeat this after me - out loud... "If you seek Amy". It might take a couple of times.

Need a few more seconds? Don't feel bad - we are dealing with MS brains!! AHAHHA Dammit myelin - don't fail me now!!!!!

Which brings me around to my sort-of point...

We, meaning the collective that deals with this crappy disease, have to be creative in our pursuit of our daily lives. We get to reinvent words to fit us - not the other way around (and get to use big SAT words and know how to spell it AND what they mean!) Like, I love to bike - I used to love to ride trails (not really even close to being real to say mountain biking in SE Texas!) Now - I still bike. It's just a recumbent stationary bike in a bedroom of my house with the a/c going. And the fan to feel the "wind" whipping my face!!

All of the boys and all of the girls want to IF YOU SEEK AMY. (Does that help with the extra line?)

I went to the neuro last week for my semi-annual visit. It was the shortest visit every - we agreed that the Copaxone was still going good and I seem to be really stable with all my meds. No MRI for now. Made another appoinment for November. I had 4 - yes that is 4!! - MRI's last year with all my back and hip stuff. Obviously, with things going okay right now he's not putting me back in the magnetic napper for now.

I fall dead alseep in them - which can be bad if you jump awake but it's just the hassle of wearing the crack show gown and driving all the way to the clinic and all that stuff. Besides, I've enjoyed my relatively doctor free first half of this year. (and hell yes I knocked on wood immediately after typing that sentence!)

I'd give you another line from the song but I really don't want to open my itunes to get it since we're about to hear the results of tonight's Idol... and so yeah about So You Think You Can Dance coming back this month!! And I am a TV junkie, apparently, so you are not thinking anything that isn't true!! AHHAHAHAH

It's time again to bust out the cooling vest for outdoor activities. We didn't hit 90 until June last year... passed that mark last week. I've had my Jeep partially undressed though since there has been enough of a breeze to keep cool. Okay, I'm bummed Allison is going home... (Maybe I should put a spoiler warning on the title of this blog?) But my 2 faves for winner are Adam and Chris. WOO HOOO!!

I played hookey...

2009-04-24T17:56:00.000-07:00

And went down the island and fished all day! What a wonderful way to spend a Friday!! I actually didn't do a true hookey day because I was allowed to take off by my supervisor - but it always feels good to have off and being doing something so totally unrelaed to work that you feel sorry for your co-workers stuck in their cubicles! Well, I at least thought about them for a bit!

I'm paying for it a little bit. My legs are a bit spastic and tight right now but nothing a hard day in the cubicle at work couldn't also have done to me. Right now, I'm kicked back on the couch listening to a wonderful Texas thunderstorms. What's so great about our state's thunderstorms? First off - everything is bigger in Texas... and that includes our rolling rounds of thunder during one of these storms. Now, I will give kudos to Oklahoma/West Arkansas thunder because the way that rolls through the plains and in the lower Ozarks is pretty wonderful, too... But, dang it's a beauty! I do feel a bit sorry for my puppy dog - she does not like any type of rain and thunderstorms really set her off. She's currently under the power of puppy prozak.

It was wonderful at the canals today. I slathered on my spf 50 2 times so I actually have a little bit of cinnamon coloring to me and no burn. Well, you know how you always seem to forget one spot? I only forgot the tops of my hands once when going fishing - talk about painful!!! Geez - I had worthless bear claws for about 3 days after that. And, don't forget your earlobes... it's not that this area hurts, but it does make you look all leperous when you have skin peeling off them. I took off my shoes and socks about half way through today to stick my feet in the water while catching some small croakers. So, the tops of my feet are a little pink. Not too bad, but I'll have to make sure and keep some cream on them so I don't have leperous feet either....

We are under a flood warning again right now. Between the rain last weekend not completely soaking in due to the volume of it - I guess they figure it could create a hazard. Oh well.

I do have to share a very hilarious portion of today. It's still early for the canals to have any keepers that could be filet'd and cooked right now. But, it's still fun to catch the baby croakers and sand troudt and be able to release them and promise to come back bigger! I've just learned how to fish in salt-water and "bottom feed" with a weight on my line. I grew up chasing catfish and troudt in fresh waters and it's a bit different. So, I have to share my BIG catch of the day...

Yes, that little thing next to my foot is an actual fish. It's a baby croaker. I hooked him through his little belly.... And, no, there is nothing wrong with my foot. I don't know why it looks a little retarded. I do need a pedicure but my foot looks like it did back when I did break a small little bone just below my toe that went to the market. But, anyways - This was one of my products of work today. We set him free and we'll have to see if he comes back with his big brothers and sisters later!!

Awesome Texas spring day!>...

2009-04-21T19:33:00.000-07:00

We have to enjoy them while they last - before the humidity goes above 60% until Christmas!!

After the monsoon that engulfed us this past Saturday, the weather has been phenomenal since then!! My jeep's top has been down and I'm loving life!! It's not even hot enough yet to require me having my cooling vest on yet for any outdoor activities.

We've been taking the pups for a long walk in the afternoons after work. It's been nice - not too long but good enough to get the heart rate up and the pups some good exercise. It's supposed to be like this most of this week and into the next. We're thinking about playing hookey from work this Friday and head down to the island.

Relax in the sun and cast the fishing line!! It might be a little windy on the coast but anything's better than being at work on a Friday!! HAAHHAHHAAHAHAH

Okay - I had to yell at the tv for a few minutes!! My freakin' Astros had the bases loaded with 0, zip, nada, zero outs and only scored 1 freakn' run with a walk. Seriously? We left 13 on base the other night - and it wasn't even a double header~!!! Sorry - I get a little fiesty with baseball. At least this isn't an audio blog and y'all don't have listen to me whine about it... :]

Made my annual neuro appointment today for next week. Got to get the refill on the shots - I hate being a good little patient! Probably need to mention to the doc that I've had 2 more of those anxiety attacks after my copaxone shot. None of them has lasted more than 10-15 minutes, but it still sucks a rotten lemon! This last one happened this past Friday night...

Mine reaction starts with an extreme heat wave to the face and I immediately break out in a sweat... So bad it pores down my cheeks! Then, I CAN'T BREATHE! I start gasping and thrashing and choking. Luckily the other half has been there each time to talk me into an attempt to get me to relax. At least I haven't passed out since that first one. The chest hurts so hard - and it goes into my arms and neck. I remember the nurse telling me it usually happened around the 2nd or 3rd year of the shots but I don't remember them saying it would happen all that often.

I'm not going to change meds. I'm doing good on Copaxone. I've gotten used to the shot.. and I have noticed that the smaller guage of the needle has made a difference the whelps and redness after the shots. That's good! So, I'm noticing a bit of anxiety as I think about having to do my shot. I do it right before I go to sleep. You wouldn't think that would be good to send me off to sleep but it does actually work... Hence the sudden shift in this post.. I started wrapping it up thinking about needing to do my shot...

Coming in out of the rain...

2009-04-19T07:16:00.000-07:00

I know I've been a bit bitchy about how much my yard's been begging for rain. And, how the last couple of fronts to come through here have missed us down south here. However, I'm now glad we got the rain but holy shnikeys - did we ever get rain!!

This one is right in front of our house. You can just see the sidewalk that's right behind the fire hydrant. It came up about another 2 feet from when this pic was taken. We got 6" in an hour - including 3 inches in 12 minutes!! We were flooded in. Our neighbor had to park his car at the end of the block and walk to his house.

Notice our cul-de-sac is GONE!!! The rain got about to the top of the tires on that minivan. It was scary for a bit. The power went out a couple of times for brief periods so we ended up just keeping it off. We turned it back on a little while later - just in time to hear the tornado warnings for our area. At least that part of the front went through very quickly.

Spoke with fam a little further south and they had yard furniture flying around the yard. Now, the sun is out and at least we got enough water to last us a bit. I think we caught up with where we were supposed to be for the year.

I just wish there was a 3rd day to the weekend!!! Not going to do much of anything today. Did a lot yesterday. Got all the pics hung back on the wall and now the house is completely back to normal. It felt weird having empty walls. I knew one couple that moved houses and the hung pics are usually the last things up. Well, their cat went bonkers and the vet told them it was probably because of nothing on the walls. Weird, huh??

Got my hand back (obviously!) and it was just sore the next day. Apparently I was chasing some squirrels this morning, but not much going on right now. I did have another experience after my copaxone shot on Friday night. Chest seizes up and I start sweating and getting all red and can't breathe. This one only lasted about 5 minutes but it still scares the crap outta me. I don't like it. Don't know of anything I'm doing different on one night vs another to bring it on. Oh well. It's time to go see the neuro anyways... the scrip is about to run out so I gotta go do the monkey dance to get the refill on the never-ending shots.

Have you noticed?...

2009-04-16T15:58:00.000-07:00

The new mobile blogging feature??? Hmmmmm......

Want to gripe about the was this crappy disease has affected me today. Unfortunately it has caused a loss of use of my left hand for most of today. Sorta hard to type.

So, this saves you from hearing about my gripes (today). hahahahahahahahahaha

Seriously - my hand? It started in my thumb....pulled it in and hasn't let go. It will. Sux til then.

Thanks for letting me gripe though - it is blog reader appreciation day!!!!!!!!!!!

Holy shnikeys... I can TYPE!...

2009-04-14T19:28:00.000-07:00

A lot. Sorry! I just re-read yesterday's post. I noticed my shoulders felt better today after getting that load off though!! HAHAHAHAHHAHHHA

So, I'm a big country music fan. I love music!! And, although I did not like this particular artist upon her arrival on the scene but now I'm a big fan of Leann Rimes. I like the way her voice has matured and she seems to find good songs and helps write some of the songs. So, I found this page through some of my world wide web stops along the way...

http://www.leannrimesworld.com/wicc/

This is a site called "What I Cannot Change" - it allows people to post with or without their names. It allows people to put out there things they deal with that they cannot change. I read threw some of them and there's some drug/alcohol abuse, physical disability, mental disability, dealing with others with issues, etc... I'm sure there's some posts about MS in there.

How could there not be? If I could change it - I would. Who wouldn't? There's no way in hell that anyone, if they COULD change it, would not get rid of their MS. We can't, though. There is no cure. There's only treatments. Course, (warning - stepping up on a soap-box!) I personally believe that the conspiracy theorists have this one right - drug companies aren't going to let the scientists publish the cure they find because there's no $$$$ in that!

Okay, stepping off my soap-box!

Are there changes we can make to make dealing with this crappy-ass disease better? Yup. Let's see, I've resigned myself I will just have to go the rest of my life as one of the whitest-white girls now that I will no longer be going out in the sun long enough to get any visible color change - on top of the SPF1000 I have to wear! I will choose to look like the biggest dork in the world when I wear my cooling vest in public! I will only be able to make fun of all my drunk friends in a hot tub since I'll be the only one NOT in it! My love-handles are going to have to be accepted for now - my body no longer allows my running shoes to be used to their full potential! My mountain bike will have to resign itself to its retirement from me and will have to move onto another faithful pedlar!!

Sigh, these are just a few of the things I would like to change. So, here's how I have changed. I like being a pasty-white girl --- earth tones are good for me!! They now make sunscreen with a hint of color!! The cooling vest is a good conversation piece -- either about MS or whatever! Isn't laughing at our drunk friends the best kind of fun?!??!?! I still get to buy some pretty cool running shoes in my fave colors - you can even customize at Nike.com!! I think trikes or recumbent bikes are waaaaaaaaaay cool - lots more places to stick all sorts of neat stickers!!

Had a great swim yesterday - even added some ab exercises at the end. It burned a little bit but in that good way. Been walking with the pups after work a couple of times this week. They love it and it's good for all of us. My 10 year-old lab has got some arthritis in her left hip. She's on meds and so it was sore the other day after the walk and she's gotta take it easy, but she knows I feel her pain!!

Problems with Unique Builders, Complaints with Unique Builders, Crappy Work with Unique Builders,

2009-04-13T15:35:00.000-07:00

So, if you type something enough it will pop-up on a Google search engine, right? That's my hope with my title of this post. Sometimes, you need to vent about some things that are not MS related, right? I'm lucky I didn't go into an exacerbation with all the stress the damn contractors caused me!!!

They started on our house on March 9th.... they finished the promised 7-10 day job on April 9th... I'm not the best person in the world at math but that made it more than 7-10 days, right?? I shall start with the fact that they tried not to fix all the woodwork in the doors that they were supposed to fix. Minor, right? They did better after I pointed it out but still not great... I'll probably be patching it here in a few months.

The paint - the colors are great! WE did a good job on that. However, the quality of their paint job was horrible. There were gaps between the trim and walls (how does that freakin' happen?), spots where they obviously did not get the 2nd coat and was waaaaaaaaaay more visible, and then just spots they somehow just missed completely. They also did not take off all the wall-paper in the bathrooms and kitchens and we had to pull it off and point it out to be textured and painted.... You might be wondering how that happened, as well... I don't have a good explanation for it, so your thoughts/imagination can fill in the gaps just like ours did...

Don't even get me started on the trim... I basically had to re-do all the trim in the master bath and around all the windows in the kitchen. I also had to re-do all the caulking in the bathrooms - they were supposed to do that as well but they obviously did it prior to painting - I'm sure that would not be horrible but add that on top of the already crappy painting job and it becomes bad! And, it turns out - you have to tell them that ALL nails have to be taken out of the walls. But, they did take out the ones they wanted to. When pointed out to the owner - he said that he was not told to take out the nails. When I asked him why other nails around the house were taken out - well, lets just say he did not have an answer for that an appropriately stayed quiet.

Then, the nails they did take out - some they bothered to spackle before re-painting, some they did not, and then some - they tried to push in the wall (only 1 - but still, really??). Again, no good answer from the owner. There was paint all over my new floors in the bathrooms - they did a decent job cleaning it up. They actually "finished" (a term I use looser than Pamela Anderson is) in 7 working days (including a Saturday night that they did not leave until 830pm!) they said to do a walk-thru. I laughed. Literally. Laughed some more and sat down and wrote a 5 page word document outlining all that was wrong with the site.

So, I was told that the touch-ups would take no more than 1 day, 1 1/2 days tops. 4 freakin' days later!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It still wasn't done. I kicked them out of my house. At that point, I'm going to do it. Did I mention that they tried to paint my kitchen pantry shelves in the wall color, despite me telling them that if it was trim color to begin with - it stayed the new trim color. They tried to do the same damn thing in my master bathroom linen closet and the hall closet. When asked about that - I was told that they must have over-looked the original color. Again, how? The old oil based paint looked totally different and FELT different than the wall based color. Again, no decent (notice my reduction of expectations here!) answer given.

I kicked their asses out of my house. My partner and I then spent all that weekend getting our house finished in the paint department. My list of what we had to do covered ALL FREAKIN' ROOMs. I had to do the paint on the walls around all the windows in every room. Some required all the way around and some just required around the window sills. Still, really? The master bedroom seams between the ceiling and walls needed paint almost all the way around the entire room. There was a bit of wall between the 2nd and 3rd bedroom doorways. Somehow, this area got almost entiredly overlooked - There was some color so that had to at least see it and put the brush to touch it but that was obviously it.

Want the coo-de-ta? (I know that's probably nowhere near what the actual spelling is, but it was fun to say out loud and try to sound out - Hookied on Fonicks worked for me!!!) Since the entire house was getting painted, my partner and I figured we'd get new registers for the a/c vents and all new hardware to put around all the light/plug/data line fixtures. Guess what we found when we took the old ones off? Almost 1/2 of the plates HAD NEVER FREAKIN' BEEN TAKEN OFF IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously?? I know that's something you DON'T have to explicitly tell the painter to do. Matter of fact, I was EXPLICIT in my directions to the owner when I got the bid and when I agreed to use him, that all hardware was to be removed from all walls. (Oh yeah, they did not take any of the hardware off in the bathrooms and kitchen and guess what that meant - wall paper still there). I had caught the big portions (one portion was roughly 8x10 size in master bath) luckily. So, when we took off the phone line cover in the kitchen - wall paper. Data line in the office - old paint completely behind it. Cable line in the 2nd bedroom - not only was it not taken off but the old one was COVERED in the paint. Not to mention the 3 wall plugs that are now painted the same color as the wall - the actual piece that the cord plugs into that has to be reset into the wires to fix (luckily the honey works well with electricity!). One of the new a/c registers in the 2nd bathroom was also covered in paint - I pointed that out and they cleaned it.

Seriously? I'm still shocked that I'm not in the hospital getting IV solumedrol. And, I have NOT even gotten to the shocker yet!!!!!!!! Ready for it? Seriously, I know you're asking yourself why you did not get that 3rd glass of wine or the 4th beer before starting this blog?

We woke up that 1st Sunday after they had gotten to the kitchen to start peeling wallpaper and texturing. Well, I should say that when my other half woke up - I sleep in on the weekends. Anyways, there was water all over the kitchen floor. Mind you, this is on top of all the brown paper they had laid on the floor. My honey figures out that moving the fridge, they had stripped the copper water connection to our fridge. Not too hard to fix for her - a trip to Home Depot and we've got the tools and supplies. Guess what we found when we pulled up the brown paper on the floor? OVER 20 FUCKIN (I'm over freakin at this point) TEARS INTO THE KITCHEN LINOLIUM. Seriously. I counted. There were 28 in front of our kitchen. Really? The fridge has wheels on it. To move it. Easily. Not fast. Slow. Carefully.

Because of that, I go and check the one other area where appliances had to be moved - the washer/dryer. Guess what I found? Only 1 tear, but it was a doozy (almost 2 inches on one side). Guess what? The workers had tried to cover up the tears in front of the fridge. They had literally tried to glue some of them back down. Wanna know how I know? Because when I got down on my stomach to look at a couple of the visible tears (really, were we not going to notice? Or, they were going to try and make it not noticable until they were gone and therefore no liability?) I found the other ones. I went through the roof. Now, I'm your normal American mutt - English, Irish, Polish (and blonde - I really never had a chance) German, Cherokee, and Czech - but once I hit boiling I cannot hold back the red in me! I had the project manager and the project boss over at my house that Sunday evening and they actually did the right thing then - immediately advising they would replace it and asked if a patch job would be okay. Of course it would - I've seen those guys that do floors and I've seen some patch jobs I would never guess. I gave them the chance.

Again, DISAPPOINTED LIKE HELL! They really thought the patch job that wasn't laid flat, did not follow the seams, and didn't glue down one corner would be acceptable. Then, they really thought the patch job in the laundry room would be good. I wish I still had the pics - it was even more comical. Again, the owner comes out to my house again and says the right thing and says he will replace the entire floor. The moral of the story is if you live in the Houston metro area - DO NOT USE UNIQUE BUILDERS for any of your home projects. I advised them that not only did all my friends and neighbors know about my horrible experience, all my co-workers also know, AND I did something even worse... I put it on Facebook!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And, of course here. I think I need to add a few more crappy words to the title - first thing I'm going to do after I publish this post is try a Google search. So, if the title changes a few times in the next couple of days. You know why.

WOW - I think this is my longest post yet!!!!!!! Would it be weird to say I'm actually more excited it was about something other than MS - that means I've been doing good!

Oh, what happened with the kitchen floor you ask? They ended up giving us cost on ceramic tile in there and we accepted their offer. They did that okay - there were a few too many popped bubbles in the grout for my tastes but again, I kicked them out of my house! AND THEY'RE NEVER FUCKING COMING BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ugh...

2009-04-02T10:43:00.000-07:00

I hate when my legs get pissy with me. A couple of major cramps and charlie horses and here comes walking-funny!! I made it half a day at work yesterday - then came home and got doped up. Woke up this morning with more cramps and charlie horses that had decided my quads and calves were not enough and it needed my hips to join the party.

Yeah - walking more funny this morning and slow. I hate my legs when they don't like me. The dogs like me being home. It's been a while since they've gotten pissy with me. I'd done my selective memory thing with it and had forgotten how much it hurts.

I didn't even feel like getting the looks today at work and stayed home. With heating pad. And drugs.... even though they make me all dopey and ucky. Sheesh. I'm a little whiney because of it as well... bad combo. I think I'll just go back to reading my book and watching daytime tv.

At least the puppies make me laugh... here's a couple more videos of smile! The little one thinking he's a great dane! And, the eldest daughter going after an easter turtle!!

Wowsers!...

2009-03-22T14:02:00.000-07:00

I love Texas springs! The humidity is low, there are little green buds on everything and the weather is absolutely fabulous! I've had the windows down and the back off my Jeep all week. My co-workers comment they always can tell when I have my top off because I always wear my hair in a pony-tial during that time!! AHAHHAHAHA

Catch-up time! So, the contractor's paint crew did a less than stellar job... and now we're still packed up like we're moving and the owner is coming out to do a walk-through tomorrow afternoon. His manager and I had a great chat on Friday morning and she assured me they would re-paint our entire house if needed. Luckily it's not that bad, but there is a lot of touch-up needed. I could've done a ton better job on my own so I can't imagine having to settle for it currently.. But, I've had my charm in over-time and I know the owner is going to see it my way.

Had a great gathering of friends and family down on the island yesterday. It was great seeing so many people down there... I know Galveston is going to be okay... As bad as the economy is right now, it might have been the best thing for the island - people aren't going to Mexico but going close to home. It's getting greener down there as well, which is good.

I'm in a bit of trouble for yesterday, though. I got a little too much sun on my lower arms and face/neck. It was a high of about 75 but with a great gulf breeze so you didn't feel the heat at all. I was just hanging out with friends, casting my reel and whoops!! Good thing is I'm not feeling any side effects from it. I've been lathering up with aloe and lotion so it's all good.

Nada much else going on - I'm feeling good. I still have the last little bit of a cough left over from my bought with bronchitis. That was not fun at all!! Almost a week of not being able to sleep, even with meds!! I apparently was pretty close to officially having "pneumonia" but my doc said something about my lungs sounding like "something I don't remember", which meant it was just the B word, instead of the P word. I still can't sleep laying flat - I'll still start a coughing fit. It's starting to get annoying but I've been told completely normal. I'm just happy it didn't cause my nerves to go all hay-wire like the last case of flu I had.

I'm going to get off the computer and go sit outside and read for a bit - Storms are supposed to come in tomorrow and it's supposed to be all gray and rainy - gotta get my vitamin D in while I can!!!!

Hack hack hack...

2009-03-10T06:00:00.000-07:00

Wonderful color isn't this? Normally green is my favorite color, but not right now. Why? Because that's the color of all the crap coming out of my nose and lungs right now. Seems I caught a pretty good case on Bronchitis.... nasty!!

Started last Thursday and I thought I was getting a mild case of the flu - it's going around and was due.... Little bit of fever and a whole lot of yuck... Finally went to the doc yesterday when I woke up with fever over 100.... NOT GOOD!!!!! Turns out I'm only a couple of steps away from the big P so I'm now loaded up with yet more drugs... Which is complicated considering I'm allergic to penicillin so they have to go outside the box for me... And, I'm on an inhaler for a week.. I never knew how nasty that stuff tasted! No wonder the kids in IT were able to kill the monster with it!!!

And, I should probably be staying home for a couple of days... I think I got yelled at more by being at work yesterday by all the moms in the office than I ever have before. They're really going to pummel me today but I can't stay home - the contractors start today on the last of the Ike damage inside the house, replacing sheetrock and then painting. So, I'm sure the fumes of paint (even though it's not really that bad anymore) are not the best thing for my lungs right now...

I hate the coughing... My sides and stomach are so sore right now. And, the cough medicine my doc prescribed yesterday is apparently no longer made so I was dreading of going another night of no sleep and constant hacking. Luckily, I called my bff and knowing all the freakin' drugs in my house told me the proper cocktail to knock me out. Man, I actually got close to 9 hours of sleep last night.... starting at 830! I woke up and my legs were actually sore because I don't think I even moved 1 muscle... I also woke up with no voice, which really sucks.... I don't even have the low whine I had after the super bowl when I lost my voice in celebration of Pittsburgh!!!

Yeah is the life - also, because of the contractors starting on the other side of the house, which includes the office - I will be without internet for a little while.... Oh well... The house will be all pretty after they're done so it's a small price to pay!! Now, you'll have to excuse me while I go try and give another little gift of myself down the drain!!!

Woo hooo!....

2009-03-03T17:06:00.000-08:00

YEAH!! I had such a wonderful time with my nephews over this past weekend. It was so amazing. There are 3 of them under the age of 6 and it's totally organized chaos! My sis in law told me that it keeps getting easier and now they might discuss a 4th edition.... YIKES! The middle one is going through the terrible-terrible 3's and she offered to let me take him home... AHAHHAH

I also got to see a step-brother that I never really get to see cuz he lives in other states... and his daughter who I last remembered seeing her as a toddler. Amazing!! So smart and just a wonderful young woman! It was great to see my step-brother as well. I really hate using the prefix like that considering I've known him all my life... he's just as much my brother as my biological ones...

Funny - I couldn't help but look at all my little ones running around me and pray that they never get MS... or anything other than flu and the chicken pox and all the normal stuff... Nothing not normal. MS is normal - I guess. I know we've all experienced that "but you look so good" bit from people.

But, have you gotten this one: Well, if you're going to get a chronic illness - MS is the one to get.

I have. I've gotten that one. I didn't know how to take it or how to react... I've mostly just shrugged and mumbled something to the effect of "I guess so..." So, is it better that I have MS rather than... Lupus? RA? Cancer? CF? I have a co-worker that is a very good friend of mine. Her husband has CF - cystic fibrosis. She married him 5 years ago not knowing if they would celebrate their 5 year anniversary together... He's waaaaaaaaaaaay old for a CF'er at 34. They're trying to have kids - they went through a long and hard time trying to decide that one and I remember being a shoulder for her to cry on a couple of times during some of the harder parts of that conversation...

So, because he has a guarenteed death sentence at some point - barring a lung transplant - his disease is worse/better than mine? I would agree but how does that make either one of us feel? What about a friend who had about an apple sized tumor at the base of her brain removed a couple of years ago and it was malignant. She went through several rounds of chemo and last I heard she was still in remission at last check-up. Was that better than what I have? Technically I could be called in "remission" since I haven't had a flare in about a year... Her cancer could come back at any time, just like my MS could flare at any time...

My dad got told a verson of the same thing when he got diagnosed with CLL - if you're going to get cancer it's the one to get. He didn't know what to think of that and asked me about it. I didn't know what to tell him - I told him I had no clue either. I've read the Last Lecture - things would be a lot different with a fatal diagnosis. A lot different. Better or worse? That, to me, is like having a chicken versus egg discussion...

My partner has chron's... Had it for over 15 years now. She's been a life-saver in maintaining sanity with a chronic illness. She's been through all the phases of diagnosis - ever wonder in the similarity with it and the phases of grief?? In a way, we are in a state of grief over what we have lost.... I have better days than others in dealing with the grief. Today is a good day. I had a great swim at the pool and am enjoying a relaxing evening at home.

Yeah...

2009-03-02T19:08:00.000-08:00

I survived a weekend with all my nephews!! YEAH!!

Now, I'm back home and missing them royally - I wish they didn't live so far away!

And I planned on reliving all the glorious details but that will have to wait for another night - my stomach is hurting and lurching and i just want to crawl in bed.

ta-ta

Really?!?!?...

2009-02-26T16:02:00.000-08:00

Had the normal dentist appointment today. Got the scraping and cleaning and all was well with the teeth. I have some gum issues because of the tizanidine... It dries my mouth out so much I've had some bouts of some infections in my gums. Had to switch to another mouth wash besides Listerine because it turns out that one has alcohol in it - which further dries your mouth out....

now my mouth is sore... But, everything feels normal. Like it should after a dentist visit. I had an experience that I've never had before at a dentist office - they took my blood pressure after they took xrays. Seriously? What was the point? Anybody know? I have a friend at work and her hubby is a dentist so I'll be asking her about that... I just thought it was a bit odd.

When I had my root canal - no blood pressure check and they had to put me a bit under with the laughing gas... I understand all the other doc's visits getting the pressure cuff applied. This was a normal cleaning/check-up visit... I'm still a little stumped. I could care less... now, if they wanted to stick a needle in me I would've required full disclosure!!!!

Things that make you go hmmmmmmmm.....

Speaking of tizanidine... didn't help me out last night. I apparently held a bazaar where a whole heap of squirrels brought their friends, including some rabbits, cuz I was leaping and cavorting about a bunch last night. Not good - hopefully there won't be a repeat!!!

I am soooooo freakin' excited about heading north for the weekend! I am soooo going to just smother my little nephew!! Have a great weekend and I'm going to try and fit in last night's Idol before watching the results tonight - I love DVR!!

Holy Shnikeys!

2009-02-24T17:34:00.000-08:00

Seriously, it's been a week since I've bored myself with my ramblings?? LOL

I know I started a post on a couple of those days but never got around to finishing it... Dang tv with all new shows!! I've never been such a tv junkie in my life but I'm dang sure there right now!

Have you seen that new one - Lie to Me? Oh, I like the main character. He's like Greg House working with people's brains instead of being an MD... I personally think that it's based on the Reid Technique and the Reid company in Chicago. I've been through a couple of their trainings and it's so amazing....and awesome!! I'm not as good as those people but it's always interesting to watch people... whether at work or at Starbucks.

I got another great swim in today... Wonderful!! And, I'm so stoked cuz I get to finally travel up to north Texas to FINALLY hold my newest newphew.. who is now almost 5 months old! At least I'll get some very animated smiles - and it won't be just because of gas!!!

YEAH!!! Get to spend time with the family and have fun! Always a great time!!

I have noticed that I'm dealing with a bit more spasticity issues though, since starting back swimming. I've added some stretching after I'm done swimming but my other half has informed me I've been chasing a lot of squirrels in my sleep. I don't feel this but she does and apparently it's been bad enough to shake the bed... not good.

We really can't just win with this damned disease, can we? I mean the war anyways... the daily battles we learn how to manuever and out-smart some of it. But it still throws a sniper in or a IED in the road every now and then just to make sure you know who's really winning. That's okay... a couple of months ago I'd have gotten a little bit piss and vinegar with it.

Now, I realize it pisses IT off more with a shrug and a laugh. I got a horrible cramp in my right foot today while doing my back kicks... made me swallow pool water (EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!) and went up my nose. It even caused the woman in the lane next to me to pause and watch me for a few seconds until she realized I was coming back up for air... I massaged it out and got my foot back pointing normal (rather than at my forehead - anybody else get those? Don't our toes know it's rude to point?!?!?!?)

I then got all the water out of the wrong orifices and finished my swim. Now, my foot's really sore and it's tried to point at me some more but I'll just keep stretching it... I think I'll modify the Dory song from Nemo .... Just keep stretching! Just keep stretching! (Great - now I've got Ellen's voice in my head singing... not horrible but a trite annoying!!!)

I hate calling in tired...

2009-02-17T11:31:00.000-08:00

Course, that's not really what I called in. I blamed it on the flu that's going around. How do you explain to your supervisor that despite sleeping from 10 to 6 without waking up, that you have absolutely no energy to even begin to think about brushing your teeth - let alone getting dressed for work.

Sheesh - I hate the fucking fatigue. I feel like I just swam 100 miles and then decided to go for an ultra-marathon afterwards.... Yet, I didn't do crap. And, what I hate the most is that I had a great day yesterday. Woke up great - had a great time teaching at the academy - stopped at the store for dinner stuffs - and then had a good night! No issues. Well, I did have a freaky bit of what I think was an allergic reaction...

We were watching Chuck (because we had DVR'd it to watch House first - gotta love tv!) and my stomach started itching... and itching and itching... and then my entire torso felt like it was being stung by a million ants at the same time... and then it went into my arms and I was literally dunked into a hot bath --- which I barely felt... after about 20 minutes in the tub it finally calmed down and I was able to sit without drawing blood by scratching myself. The only thing I could figure would be an allergic reaction to what I ate... but it was leftover meatloaf.

Seriously, what's wrong with that?!?!?! I took a benedryl last night with all my other meds and I was out. First I thought I was still just a little dopey this morning from all the meds but that was not it. I was wiped. I didn't even have the strength to pee. Thank goodness I don't have bladder control issues yet otherwise it would have been an even less prettier site...

I think this is one of the things I hate the most about this fucking disease. i know it's just a bad day and I'll wake up feeling great tomorrow. I'll get up and go to work and everybody will ask if I'm okay and I say I am... and I'll tell my supervisor that I just had a really rough day. Luckily my bosses understand ( as much as they can) about some of my "unseen" symptoms and they don't hold it too much against me... I just don't like letting the ohters at my office down by having to do my job when I'm not there... ya know? That pride thingy - it gets me in trouble!!!

Sigh - so I'm just laying back on the couch with the tv on, catching up on my latest book... and just want to be able to go to sleep for a few more hours. But, because I have slept most of the day my body just wants to be brain dead but not asleep right now... I guess since I'm letting it control me anyways today I'll just let it!....

Nada on the brain...

2009-02-16T15:37:00.000-08:00

I'm just home from work, catching up on a couple of shows DVR'd over the weekend. There's nothing pressing on the brain (right now at lease - LOL!) and I'm just hanging.

I'm going to be in the pool again tomorrow morning - YIPPEE! Great day at work today. Got to go to the academy and throw candy at the cadets.... always fun! I've got some real good friends that are assigned out there so that's fun to hang out and catch up...

Had a fabulous weekend - grilled steaks and stayed in sweatpants for the 14th - that was a blast! That's like being able to wear sweats for Thanksgiving dinner - awesome!! Although, I'll go without back surgery again to be able to wear sweatpants to that dinner again... We'll be able to host one of the holiday dinners at our house this year after we get all the painting done. Can't wait for that!!

Um, searching for other shiny things... Oh, my insurance company changed specialty pharmacies and so had to go through the business of getting all my information on file with the new one. Going to have to get my prescription faxed to the new company... No biggie just a hassle, ya knows? Course, again I'll send a thankful prayer up to the sky for my insurance...

Is February over yet? It seemed like it was here before we knew it but now it's going on and on and on... and yet it's the shortest month!! It's a busy month for the other half so I think that's the reason I want it to be over - so the stress level can go down. No biggie on it but you never want to see your other half stressed.

Okey dokeys... now that I've made the internet go even slower due to the totally nothingness of this post.... : ] Catch ya on the dark side!!

Happy VD! (almost)...

2009-02-13T19:32:00.000-08:00

No matter how old I am - that shit's still funny!!!

I'm very excited about tomorrow night. We bought the steaks tonight and will be grilling them up good! And, after watching food network the other night I decided to buy some peaches and I'm going to through those on the grill as well - and then top it off with some homemade whipped cream and presto-yummo!! I'm very excited!

I'm almost done with doctor's appointments for THIS month!! LOL Until the dentist in a couple of weeks... Does that count? I think so, especially since a friend's husband is a dentist! I had that wonderful annual woman's exam today - ugh! But, all the plumbing is in good order. At least the MS hasn't affected that..... I like this doc though. When she found out about the MS she asked me for my neuro's name so that she could touch base with him and find out if there were any particular issues she needed to look out for... WOWsers!

After our first meeting she told me to let my neuro worry about the MS, let her worry about my plumbing, and go live life. Pretty good words, huh? She's younger and still has the good attitude about really wanting to establish a trust factor with her patients. Seems to be a rare commodity, especially reading some of the other bloggers out there.

We signed the contract today with the people who are going to paint the house. So, now that means the packing has to start. We stole some boxes from Kroger today! Might have to "shop" a lot in the next couple of weeks to get more boxes. It's going to be interesting going through some of the nooks and crannies of the house.... You know how some things just get thrown into spaces when you combine two households? Where, when in the combination of two people's stuff - well, some just gets thrown into closets, doesn't it??

Okay... I'm going to log off for now and go give 100% of my attention to catch up on my tv shows. Again...

HAPPY VD!!!!

YA YA'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.....

2009-02-12T17:49:00.000-08:00

Unite!! Ever seen the movie or read the book by Rebecca Wells - Devine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood? I love it! I am a child of a Southern woman... a very, VERY Southern woman. She, too, had her ya-ya's that she surrounded herself with through life... They weren't always of the female persuasion but a couple of them were female impersonators so that counts, right??

I had a hard time reading that book when it came out... I kept picking it up and then throwing it across the room or trying to stuff it into my garbage disposal... Then the big cheese of brain decides to write about the anniversary of her mother's death. Sucks! I barely got through that post and just realized that I might not make it through my own...

I'm not going to go into details but I did my own "check on welfare" on my mother 2 days after Christmas and what I found was horrible. One thought I remember having that day, though, was that I was so glad my big brothers were not there... What is it about being the female in the family? Why are our big strong boys always such babies? My big brothers are such strong, manly, GREAT specimens of men... awesome brothers, phenomenal fathers, and have their moments of being wonderful husbands!! (based on my sis-in-laws info!! LOL)

And, regardless of orientation... what is it about the girls friendships with each other? Ever see that Friends episode where Chandler and Ross decide they should have a "female" relationship and share everything? Hysterical!!!! And totally true - and I've known my fair share of gay men as well and the "boy" relationship still applies!! Only those of us of the female persuasions seem to be able to share that ya-ya sisterhood... I'm sure there are exceptions out there... just not in my world.

So, getting back to our ya-yas (seems like I'm just creating another Oprah word for va-j-j doesn't it?? or entering a realm in our internet relationship that should not be shared in a public forum!!!!) I love my ya-ya's... They are great women with infinite spirit! We don't really have names although one of us has an alter ego that comes out with enough wine... That spirit has a name!! And, I've been called a few names under certain "spirits" HAHAHAHAAHHA

What brought about all this rambling about Ya-Yas? Just went strolling down memory road for a bit... It's some of y'alls (in the sense of other bloggers) fault... Want to find out your Ya-Ya name? Go here to find out to magical name.. Go there then let me know what your name came to be in a comment!!! Mine is:

EMPRESS GLIMMERING MOON

I haven't figured out how that relates to me... Is it the MS that makes me a Moon person now? Yet, even in the moon I have such a shining personality? That's funny! And, I'm no empress, lemme tell you.... here's the google definition that came up: The woman ruler of an empire / the wife or widower of an emperor. Now, my other half is ruler of our household so that might apply.....

Now, about my swim today... Awesome!! And, full clearance from the doc!!! i apprently have a little twist in my spine that's been there for a while and is a little bit of nuisance but I'm already used to it. Yeah swimming!!!!

New Comedian....

2009-02-10T18:00:00.000-08:00

for your enjoyment. A friend sent me a link to this clip of him.. Here's that segment which is dead on right!!

So, his name is Louis CK and he's funny. He's big into appreciation... for what we have and how we've evolved into cell phones from rotary phones. His bit about not being friends with people that had 0s in their phone numbers cuz it sucked to pull that dial all the way around... HIGH-larious!

I'm appreciative of another great day at the pool! I did a couple of laps where I got a side-stitch! I've never been so appreciative of that feeling. I had a little bit of pain afterwards but not the bad kind... the really good kind! And, I got home and my kickboard and new gym bag had arrived. I splurged a little bit but I was doing a forward-reward and I'm very happy with my purchases. If I'm able to go 6 months of regular swimming I'm going to reward myself again... but I don't want to get too hasty!

I realized that my blog might turn into a little bit of a workout log for me... Maybe not always but I'm feeling so much better simply just after these few workouts. I've always been an active person. With the non-functioning right leg that has just recently been finally fixed (don't need to go into that again hopefully! - final check-up Thurs!!!) I've gone the longest ever in my life without a more permanent workout routine.... I am determined to get in better health. Between the last rounds of IV steroids and lack of activity I've gained over 40 pounds in the last 2 years.

Can we say circular problem? I gain weight and lose fitness in my stomach and my back gets weaker... I'm getting these hot flashes lately that I know are probably due to my elevated cholesterol levels. Do I know because I had my HDL/LDL tested lately? No, I know this because of too much goofy knowledge in my brain and my bff being a doc... I'm eating better and now getting back to exercise. I'm eating oatmeal for breakfast almost every morning and a lot of yummy fruit!

I'm loving all my endorphin hi's lately with the swimming! I've never understood taking or smoking stuff to get that feeling - yeah, a mountain bike is not cheap but it's a helluva rush in the head going around those corners (of course into a few trees for me) but such a rush!!

I am a little lamb...

2009-02-09T10:27:00.000-08:00

That is following the herd!! But I'm also leading a double life - anybody else? This part of me.. my blog and all my rantings and ravings is only known to my partner and me. Nobody else. Not even my best friend in the whole world with whom I discuss everything... and when I say everything, I mean positions everything!!! You know those kinds of friends.... : ] They're wonderful!!

Anyways, I'm also a member of that ever growing population that is called Facebook. But, that's the known part of my world... and this world can't be mixed with that world. The unknown cannot know the known - that would set the balance of the universe off... Lead to ice flows and global warming... Which many of my posts would also qualify as contributing to that as well - being that it's all a bunch of hot air!!!!

I think I should feel something about having 2 separate lives on the internet - one public and one not. I don't, though. I like having this part of me, my blog, be my personal PRIVATE forum for letting my thoughts and wonderings about anything and everything - related to MS and not - be known. I don't care if no one else reads this.... I have my lifetime follower and catches up every couple of posts and she knows that this is an outlet for me to whine about having MS when she just can't hear one more word... (Which isn't true because I got a keeper and doesn't care how much I need to vent about MS).

So, the reason for my baa baa black sheep post this time around is to share something that started over the FB... you may even know something about it... the 25 things about me... I don't mind sharing with y'all but I don't like sharing y'all with anyone else.... makes total sense, huh??

1. My related family and my chosen family mean the world to me - and I love them dearly! And I'm lucky enough to be loved a ton in return!

2. Ummm, I'm a blonde Libra which means I want balance but forget how to get there sometimes!

3. I lived for almost 3 years in Dhahran, Saudi Arabia with my mom/step-dad and was conversational in Arabic for a couple of years...

4. I never lived in one place for more than 4 years until my current stay in/around H-town since 1998

5. I'm not "sleeping with the enemy" level of organization in my pantry but you can see the labels and read the stuff just by standing in the doorway (and in the fridge too!)

6. I'm such a geek that everybody at work (and some friends) know to contact me about grammar situations... and I admit I still know how to diagram a sentence

7. I have MS - I try very hard to not let it have me....

8. I've lost count how many pairs of crutches I've owned in my life... I always was and will be the "accidental athlete"

9. I still don't know how I quite ended up in my career but I'm extremely happy I did - being blue is wonderful!

10. I used to have an African Gray Parrot named Toco, a Silver Crested Cockatoo named Cotton, and various other dogs and cats throughout my life... I'm currently the godmother my friend's cockatoo! We have Emma, Venus, & Bobbie now.

11. All the men in my family are over 6'2" - yet I'm the tallest woman at 5'6"!

12. My favorite food is Alaskan king crab legs - YUMMERS!

13. My IPOD is full and I still have over 200 CD's I still haven't added to my Itunes collection

SIGH - This is harder than I thought!

14. I used to go fishing with my Granny all the time growing up, when I spent summers in Arkansas with all my grandparents - and I've rediscovered my love of reeling one in!

15. My dad's parents, Nana & Grandad, have been married for over 60 years! And my mom's dad, Papa, was lucky enough to spend over 30 years with my Granny before he passed away.

16. I love dolphins!!

17. One of my favorite books of all time is "Oh the Places You'll Go" by Dr. Seuss - life lessons in rhyme!

18. My all-time, hands-down favorite song is The Chair by George Strait... and country is still my kind of music!

19. The dreams my partner and I share are reachable and we work daily on them...

20. I can relate almost anything in my life, and others, to a Friends episode... and a couple of my volleyball teammates referred to me as Phoebe numerous times (deservedly so)

21. My big brothers mean the world to me - and I love when they call me "lil sis" - they are my heroes!

22. I still have all 4 of my wisdom teeth - with room to spare... shouldn't surprise anyone who knows me with how big my mouth is!!

23. I love mudbugs but I WILL NOT suck their heads!!

24. I love all football - college and pro and I love my Cowboys!!!

25. I am thankful for everyday on this Earth to spend with my loved ones close!

Laa LAaa LLAAAaaaa LAAAAAAA...

2009-02-04T17:08:00.000-08:00

Like my warm up for my voice?!?!? Got it back the next day... still can't take a super deep breath without coughing and apparently cannot laugh hard without coughing - my supervisor cracked me up today and I started hacking away again. My supervisor told me I was not allowed to lose my voice again because it creeped her out! Funny stuffs!!

My chest was sore yesterday and that luckily went away today. Sheesh - you know that first visit with the Copaxone nurse where they warn you about all the side effects. You get the big bumps and the burning but that tapers down a little bit and gets tolerable. They warn you about the "heart attack" feeling that could pop up a couple of years into injections... but can you really warn someone about that? Can my words about my stomach turning upside down in my lungs and collapsing into my caregiver's arms really portray to someone else what the possibility of the attack? Nope, not really. Not just because words can't really convey the horribleness of that feeling - but because just like with almost everything with this disease it attacks each of us uniquely.

We share a lot of the same things - I'd read about others not being able to breathe and passing out and hurting to breathe for a bit after and all that stuff but some people felt like their whole bodies were on fire and then some people felt like their eyes were going to pop out of their heads, and the list would continue for a few paragraphs if I continued... Gotta love this dammed disease!!! harf harf harf harf

Did I ever say how great the house is since we've made 99% of the Ike repairs??!?! (Shiny thing!) Oh, it is so freakin awesome. The new carpets and flooring is wonderful. The roof looks great, and the gutters turned out to be a perfect match for the house, and the fence is wonderful!! Now, all we have to fix is some sheetrock in the small hallway where water came through the roof vent. And, since that sheetrock would then be totally different from the rest of the house.... we decided to see what it would take to get an interior make-over... It ain't cheap to get pretty.... but we're going to see. Our new leadership wants us all to do our part, right? Well, based on some bonus and tax-returns we can do our part by making sure a contractor has at least one more job.... ?? Is that really un-imaginative reasoning? Maybe but I really don't want another hurricane to enable anymore home makeovers... I'd have rather not gone through that!!!

Back again in the pool tomorrow! Got my kickboard onthe way so I can get some good exercising in... along with my follow-up MRI. Can't wait to get in the box... NOT!

A lot of crap on my mind...

2009-02-02T16:23:00.000-08:00

Okay....

I don't have a voice. It decided it didn't like me and it's apparently taking a vacation. It started last night with about 40 seconds left in the Super Bowl. My Steelers decided to give me a heart attack and apparently my voice was the casualty. We had several people over for the big game who were not big football fans but they were big time into the game because they had $$ in their work. We took a spin on the old football squares tradition - we bought little gifts (and not gag either) and gave them away at the times that $ would be won... One of our friends won 3 freakin' times.... Everybody else said we rigged it!!!

Today's been interesting without a voice - My boss kept commenting that my "sexy" voice was freaking her out and she did not like me not talking... And I always thought that my work would be appreciative of me not having a voice!!! I know some of them appreciated it!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

I got back in the pool over the weekend and IT FELT FUCKING GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so excited. I only did a little bit - but it didn't hurt and I felt good afterwards. I can't wait to get back there, which is tomorrow morning!! YIPPPEEEE!! No legs spasms, no hurting back.... Nada.

I did, unfortunately last night, experience that horrible side effect from Copaxone that causes you to stop breathing and your body to go horribly wrong - I felt like my stomach was turning upside/down and inside out at the same time my lungs were filled with fluid and could not get anything in or out - I could not feel anything outside of my lungs burning... I passed out for the briefest moment .... My partner swears I did okay but I thought I was going to die... OMFG!!!!!!!!!! I don't know how she stayed so calm and cool... I know I heard her voice through all the haze and pain.... course, I was not happy when she would not let me lie down for the 20 minutes afterwards considering I could not catch my breath.... It still hurts to take a full, deep breath. I'm wondering if that's why I haven't gotten my voice back yet... I know I'm supposed to call the honchos with my meds but I can't very well talk to them without a voice, can I? I'll call them later...

Another thing in common with...

2009-01-29T17:33:00.000-08:00

my father. And it's not necessarily in a good way. And, I'm not breaking a promise by talking about it here but I'm going against his wishes.... I'm not even supposed to tell my partner. Of course I did - I share everything in that relationship.

There must be something seriously wrong with my family's genetic immune tree. My grandfather's been dealing with non hodgkins lymphoma for the last 6 years and there's some suggestions that has some immune related issues. Now, and now, and NOW... my dad's been diagnosed with CLL.

Chronic lymphocytic leukemia

If you notice I'm not just bolding and underlining it for grins and giggles - it's linked to Health Talk's information about it. Cuz, when I hit up the site for MS and it was one of the few sites recommended by my docs about it.... I figured it was go to go to about CLL.

I felt like I was the parent on the receiving end of that bad joke of -

Mom/Dad I'm dying of an inoperable, malignant brain tumor. Insert hysterical crying.
Until son/daughter tells them that he was just kidding - He/She's only gay.

Cuz, my dad started out the conversation that he had something to tell me, and that it was he had cancer. I was driving at the time.... luckily when it took a few seconds for it to sink into my brain that I had taken my foot off the gas while driving and had slowed considerably. Luckily it was not too long after that he delivered the punch line and said that it was cancer but it was "inactive" or something to that effect. Then he told me it was CLL.

Apparently his heart doc thought something was up after my dad had a case of the flu this past summer that he could not get over. They almost admitted him into the hospital just to give him some high dose antibiotics IV. Luckily he eventually got over it with bed rest and lots of meds and a couple of rounds of oral steroids. Anyways, he started telling me a little bit about it and how he did not want anyone but his children and wife to know about it. How he did not want the stares/comments that people get when saying the C word - cancer. He said he was already sick of people asking how he felt and how he was doing... Which was funny - he actually laughed pretty heartily when he said it and told me he now knew how I felt when I got frustrated with people asking me that! I asked him what our family did in past lives to deserve such horrible immune system luck.... he actually laughed at that too, and my father is not a laughing type of guy...

He told me that he apparently has a very mild case and that the normal blood tests were not how he got diagnosed - his blood had to be sent to a geneticist to be diagnosed. Sorta correlates with my spinal tap being negative for the proteins we MSers usually have in a spinal fluid but the number of lesions and other blood work was confirmation of my MS.... So, isn't that just some great info??? Apparently what I read up on it - my father's going to live to be a very ripe old age... especially since both his parents are still alive and kicking in their late 80s and my nana, his mother, is still living alone and driving!!!!! She's a little batty now but still kicking!!!

Geez.... he's telling me now he now has an idea of what I feel like about my MS and I now know how he felt about being told about a chronic illness diagnosis..... I know we're supposed to naturally reverse roles sometimes in our relationship with our parents but I could have done without this. My dad's very upbeat and positive about it so I will be too!!!

Course, I'm not being entirely truthful with him about my back. I told him my appointment today was a routine post-surgery follow-up. The good news was the doc said he's not too concerned, especially when I kicked booty on my strength tests but he did order another MRI... next week I get to go back in the pill box... I don't care. I fall asleep in them now. And he did clear me and actually ordered me to get back in the pool and start getting some strength back.... Yeah!!!! The saga continues... : ]

I finally have a REALLY GOOD REASON...

2009-01-28T19:19:00.000-08:00

to watch American Idol!!! AND, to become a fan of the Osmond family.

So, did you see it? Did you see the 2 minute segment that probably generated more buzz for the NMSS and MS in general for the past couple of years?? There was one of the Osmond boys trying out for American Idol tonight. He's Alan Osmond's son - David Osmond. Turns out, and I have not seen either names mentioned in the numerous "Celebrities with MS" articles that are out there... Course, I don't know how much the Osmonds rate as celebrities anymore...

Alan Osmond has MS and he says that his hand tremors was one of the things that he got run out of the business for. His son, David, also has MS and spent some time in a wheelchair a while back.... They didn't phrase it in MS words but I think I translated it to that wheelchair experience being his diagnosing experience...

Isn't that sooooooo cool?? And, David actually had a pretty voice. I so hope he is good and has a great Hollywood week and we get to talk each week about MS. I worry about him making it though. Clay Walker has talked openly about how he does have to restrict his tours because the heat of the concerts gives his body the MS willies. What if David gets a flare because of all the stress and literal heat from the stage???

Geesh, leave it to an MSer to worry about the lighting - screw the voice!! Hey, we could get him to wear different cooling vests each week!!! I hope he wears an orange bracelet for MS like David Cook wore his brother's cancer bracelet all last year. They mentioned it almost every week. What would we do with all that exposure????

First, we get a first lady in the big house who's father's struggles with MS were talked about quite openly during the campaign... Teri Garr always shows back up on Dave when we need a good MSer face showing!!! Now, we could break the 10 million mark barrier - with people who actually hear about MS!!!!! OMG!!!

Anyways, I'm such a mushy I started tearing up when the dad was talking about his son and his struggles and how he's such a fine young man! I wonder if all the MS researchers out there immediately tried to get in touch with them.... after all, it's 2 MEN that share a whole lotta genetic material and each has MS.... research wonderland, even if only for a case study!! I wonder if he's on any DMDs???? If so, I wonder if he'll talk about it...

I spent a wonderful day at work trading emails with my 8 year-old niece... she was with her mom at work and apparently was sending me and her dad emails constantly. She barely had the patience to wait for me to respond (which I did to all but 3 emails she sent!) and I'd get an "Email me! Love you" or "Hello?!?!?!?!! Love you". And then she'd get my email response to her question and ask another.... I had to laugh when I got the email "can I still email you? dad says I have to stop emailing him so he can get some work done" and yes, it was all spelled right and gramatically correct. Course, that made me have to respond in kind!!

At one point I did have to do something for a co-worker in the field hunting down a really bad bastard and so I sent my neice an email telling her I needed 30 minutes where I could not email but she could still email me if she wanted. She said ok and actually only sent about 3 emails to me in that time... and right at 29 minutes sent another email asking if I could email her again! I had to laugh and emailed her right back. She'd attach a picture and ask if it was a picture of me working... One pic showed a girl typing on a computer and another showed a woman making copies.. I was so amazed at this wonderfully smart little girl... SIGH - love her so much!!

Anyways, sorry for following the shiny thing but I thought about her tonight watching American Idol. I know she's watching it with her brothers and family. My brother and sister in law have told her about my MS but who knows if they fully understand. They know I've been sick and they actually stayed with us the weekend when I had my last IV steroid treatment. They asked a lot of pretty neat questions about it and wanted to watch me change my IV dressing and when the nurse changed my IV she actually watched.... I expect acceptance into med school in the future!!

But, I wonder if my neice or nephews will have any questions for me about MS the next time they see me? Or, will it have already passed their minds with all that they get bombarded with daily. I'm definately going to ask my sis in law if they asked any questions while watching it....

I'm still thinking about an American Idol winner - and MSer... what a wonderfully beautiful struggle to have, huh???

Can't think of a spiffy title....

2009-01-27T15:45:00.000-08:00

So, I got one of my many doctor's appointments confused... DANGIT!! I got the right office - my opthamologist but had the wrong test. It was a good/bad thing. It was not time for my vision field test - that headache has been scheduled for July. It was, however, my complete eye exam and meant dilation. Ever had your eyes dilated? Maximum? Luckily this was only 50% and it still took until the morning for my pupils to be normal...

The pupils so dilated that you look like a really bad junkie. And, you have to wear your sunglasses indoors and take the arm of my other half to lead me back to the car. I was worried about running over little kids and old people.... But that much light coming through the eyes is not fun!!! My eye doc is so sweet... Considering I saw her every 2 weeks for the first 3 months of my diagnosing bout of optic neuritis and then have seen her every 6 months since then for tests. She said she could not even see the scar tissue on my nerve but last time she could see it. I'm still testing at 20/20 as well!!!! She always asks about how the MS is going and how my neuro is and what treatments I'm doing. She's not the designated eye specialist for those of us with MS but I don't want to change and unless I start having more than just the optic neuritis issues I'm not going to change. I know she's got tons of patients but she and I still joke about that first day we met. I just remember her taking me time to personally walk me back up to the neuro's office and giving me a true, full body hug and giving me her pager number if I had any issues.... They might be doc's in a box but they're damn good docs in those boxes!!

I still feel so lucky that I've got my vision back. I've read about so many stories where people don't get their vision back or don't get back enough to return to the work force. And, considering I had zero sight in that eye and severely reduced peripheral vision in my other one...

Anyways, another doc's visit down. I should have started counting.... I'd have to be in the triple digits by now!!! AHHAHAHAHAHAH Back to the back doc on Thursday and then Super Bowl party on Sunday!!! WOOO HOOO!!! GO STEELERS!!!!!

Yet another visit....

2009-01-22T16:24:00.000-08:00

To the doctor delayed. Halfway to the neurosurgeon's office this morning around 9, his nurse called and said they needed to delay the appointment because my doc got called into an emergency surgery this morning. Doing what he does - that could not have been a good thing and I sent a little prayer up to whomever he had to open up. They said they could fit me in around 1230. Around 1130 the nurse called again saying that he was actually still in surgery and they were having to re-arrange the afternoon appointments now and could I re-schedule. Sure but I still need to get to see him next week....

Sooooo, not only do I have my horrible vision field text next Thursday afternoon ... If you haven't been through one or had the pleasure of experiencing a bout of optic neuritis... UGGGGHHHHH!!! I get to visit the neurosurgeon in the morning and the ophthalmologist in the afternoon. Let me tell you just now excited I am!!! Can't you picture me dancing for joy? My whole 80s sway back and forth - being that's about the most jiggy I can get with it right now!!

Do all chronic diagnosises require that many doctor's appointments? One of the only reasons I own a PDA capable phone (besides to get rid of carrying both a cell phone and PDA) is to keep track of all the dang appointments. My neuro (logist -not surgeon) likes to schedule appointments several months in advance, as well as the MRI's a couple of weeks before that... My partner's chron's doesn't require that much - she's got one of those meds that does require liver functioning testing (all of the current/former interferon users know about this and I used to be one!) every 3 months but doesn't really have to see her doc unless a flare gets out of control. A friend of mine with RA only calls her doc if she's got a flare she can't get under control. She went about 2 months ago and that was the first time she's seen him in about 3 years!

Are we as MSers wusses? I don't think so but I think we're viewed as "frail". That might not be a bad thing and I don't know a lot about some of our fellow immune-related illness sufferers like lupus and (I'm having a blonde moment right now and cannot for the life of me think of some others and don't feel like taking a ride on the Google train) others... but do they have to see their docs as much? I can't imagine having to do it without my insurance and I'm sure I would decide when/if my symptoms/issues were worth the $300 co-pay.

Now, my NP in my neuro's office pegged me pretty early on as being not totally trust-worthy in relaying any issues/symptoms I have. I got yelled at last August when I just happened to have that appointment when I lost use of my right leg.... That's when she reminded me she wanted me on the 3 month plan for a little longer. I haven't been back since then but that's because of Ike and a little back surgery. I do need to make that appointment with them - I really like'em and I have to get back to the office by July as that's when my Copaxone needs renewal!

Getting back to that "frail" idea though.... I think we get viewed that way by the people we disclose our dx to as well.... I didn't know crap about MS before my dx... even with a prior brush with it being mentioned after a lesion-viewed MRI 5 years prior to my Dx. Luckily I didn't even think about being a weaker person until I started reading about it. Hell, one of the first things out of my NP's mouth to me and my sister in law (who was at the appointment with me - being blind makes it hard to drive!) was that I was not their only cop they were treating with MS, and they even had a few fire fighters... Talk about playing with fire!!! Can you imagine?? My best friend's a fire-woman and I've put on her gear - in her air-conditioned condo and I was sweating buckets!!!!

Getting over that "when's the next freakin' time I'm going to lose function of a limb or eye" is my biggest weakness with MS. I'm battling real physical weakness as a result of my back surgery but that is something I know exactly how to overcome. I've developed some short-cuts in my routine that help me conserve my spoons! I know when I can and can't push myself. When I'm in "frail" mode is usually when I'm actually more likely to push myself to far - isn't that natural??!?! Screw it - I can do (fill in the blank)!

SIGH! Enough of that - Bones is about to start and I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!! : ]

A need for inspiration...

2009-01-20T16:27:00.000-08:00

What's your Mt. Everest? Is it your wheelchair? Is it the numbness that keeps you from doing the normal activities? Is it the fatigue that bums you out because you just can't get up to even go to dinner... Sometimes our obstacles are only anthills while they do become Everests...

I actually had read about this woman named Wendy Booker in a magazine in my neuro's office early on. I had forgotten about her story... which I found again on Health Central's website! Here's a link to her website and story... Wendy Booker

Amazing!! Screw wanting to be like Mia - I want to be like Wendy!! I need to find a mountain to climb!!! Hey, our new president called on all of us to do what's right and challenge ourselves to be better persons. I think we are all better persons when we feel better about ourselves. Who the hell feels like caring about something/one else when we're in the blahs... It's not right but it is fact.

I can't wait to get the doc's visit out of the way on Thursday so that I can get my arse in the pool and make myself better....

Mondays....

2009-01-19T10:19:00.000-08:00

are really great when you don't have to go to work! I'm sitting at home watching Ellen's continuing quest to get George Clooney on her show. I watched football all day yesterday - much to the honey's delight! LOL I was very happy that Arizona won and now we know who's going to the super bowl. YEAH! We're hosting the party this year, but there's only a few of us that actually care about the game... me included!

Nada much else going on.... Well, that's not true. I go back to the neurosurgeon on Thursday. Have some pain coming back in the back and buttocks that should not be there. I'm very pissy over it. I'm fine as long as I only have to walk on a forward only path, very slowly. But, ask me to pivot or switch directions quickly and it's not a pretty picture... Okay, I've got to go on a shiny side-note here... I've got Ross' voice in my head screaming "PIVOT, PIVOT, PIVOOOOOOOOOT" and then the genie in Aladdin saying "It's not a pretty picture"...

Okay, I'm back! I really hope I'm just being paranoid and this is normal. However, I don't think my back should be spasming like it is and those pain points are in the same spots prior to the surgery.... We'll see what the doc says. I'm wondering if he's going to order an MRI or CT or something to see if there's anything floating around back there still... I'm trying not to be tooo worst-case scenario in my thoughts but it is hard... and it does make it easier to laugh at one's self afterwards. What happens if there still is stuff that's floating around and they need to get it out?

I don't want to go through any type of surgery again... I don't want to go through that again!! I'm wondering if my best case scenario is just that I've got a pissy back and I'm going to have to learn to live with some pain... I'm sure that's it. I'll just get to the doc and have him tell me I'm being paranoid. : ]

I had a point when I started this entry and then I lost it very early... and then I don't have it back but thought of something else. I was watching the previews to some new tv shows and one of them is about a woman with multiple personalities. The director/producer of this show is Steven Spielberg. He mentioned something to the effect that everyone has multiple sides to themselves, it just isn't usually so distinct as to interrupt their daily lives.. meaning it's not a mental disorder as much as everyone's way to fit into different sides of their lives.

I think I have a very distinct work side of me, and I think most of the people that know me would agree. In some ways, it's very obvious. I hardly wear make-up. I should - lord knows the size of my pores I inherited from my father on top of the extremely fair skin don't make for a good combo. I just don't - especially at work. When I was on the streets in uniform I just couldn't bear crap running off my face. Now, even in plain-clothes, I just don't see the need to make myself different for work. Everyone asks me if I have court if I come to work with make-up on, because that's one of the few reasons I would.

Another reason I distinguish my work self from everyone/thing else is because of what I do. When I was on the streets, it was a little easier just to talk about calls and reports and the occasional exciting event. Now, doing what I do - well, I don't really want to bring that kind of kharma home. Do I need to vent sometimes, oh yeah - and that's where I'm lucky to have support for when I do need to bring it home.

I think the big difference between us having a "work" category for ourselves is the fact that our core remains the same. I'm still the hyper, blonde, German-Irish girl that tries to remain a Toys R Us kid at heart. I don't qualify as the girl next door but I lived across the tracks from that girl!! (Remember by trailer park references!!! LOL) And, now I've been working on incorporating my MS self into my work and home self. I'm struggling lately with integrating my MS self into work. I know my back is not technically an MS flare - it's acting like it. I'm struggling with it...

Everybody at works knows about MS... they have from the beginning. I think most of them have - I dunno, forgotten is the wrong word but it's not the 1st thing people think anymore when they see me. Which is good because that was an akward stage for a while right after I came back to work after my initial diagnosis. Now, with my back, I think it's come back a little into the fore-front. Even my co-workers possibly wonder if I'll be around to deal with stuff or help them out. It just set my mind to wonderfing about those kinds of things - about our different selves. Hell, I'm even a little bit of a different person online - I'm a lot more negative here - it's easier to vent about the crap that's bothering me here - y'all know more what I'm going through anyways and it lets me be my "normal" (heavy emphasis on the quotation marks!) self offline.

It's back on!!....

2009-01-14T17:15:00.000-08:00

American Idol is back!!

I used to cuss the show (I was a reality show snob!) but now I watch from week 1 til the end. Everybody at work laughs at me... I was asking if anyone saw it last night and there will be no one to answer me tomorrow when I'm blonde enough to ask again!

Course, my supervisor can't make fun of me cuz she watches School of Charm, or whatever that show is with the singer from Poison finding all the slutty women he can. It got me thinking... what if there was a reality show that only featured people with MS?

And, make sure we got all representatives of our world in there.... We'd have the token male of course... All of the RRMS, PPMS, and SPMS reps... All sorts of canes, walkers, wheelchairs and the (not really so normal) 2 legged of us... A couple of kiddos in there, along with us 20-40 y.o.'s, and then our older representatives. Course, we can't forget the baby-diagnosed, coming to acceptance ones, and then our wonderful fore-mothers (and a few fathers) that have dealt with this since waaaaaaaay before it had a name...

Teri Garr could be the host! Clay Walker could serenade us to start us off, with a healthy dose of Pearl Jam's guitarist (who's name I cannot remember and don't feel like looking up right now) mid-way through to wake us all up from our fatigue-induced naps. We'd have regular shot night, super shot night (for those Avonex and other users that go into the muscle!!) and then the after-shot shots - we could see how many of us could name a symptom before repeating. Can you imagine how long that would take - that would be at least 3-4 30 min. episode!!

I don't really what we'd do on the show but blog and talk and laugh and cry and debate and bitch about the meds....talk about our Neuro's and compare hospital stays and trip stories (the falling kind, not the plane kind) I guess it'd be more of a daytime tv show - althought it might be appropriate to compete with Conan considering we're up late a lot and maybe call it MSI to compete with CSI (not really but that's where it came from to try and show a semi-brain pattern with this post! HA!) and it's a double entendre with Multiple Sclerosis Insomniacs AND Multiple Sclerosis Investigates!!

We'd have to have it be some type of variety show cuz there are just too many personalities to try and group all into a type-cast (no matter how hard a lot of the pharmaceuticals keep trying to do to us!) Then, we could have a WWE night where we throw a bunch of our medicine into a big vat of, I dunno, something really smelly and thick that would be appropriate to destroying meds! And, we could also put a bunch of meds on the floor and we could all take turns stomping, rolling, beating, a bunch of different meds....

I'm going to apologize for this post... I had no idear what the heck was going to come spewing out of the keyboard tonight and I just went where the lesions took me!!! Ruminate on that!! : ]

Wok this way....

2009-01-12T17:41:00.000-08:00

So, this is my Christmas present (by choice)!! Not the broccoli - the wok!! This was my first venture using it last night... And it was a success! It came out tasting very yummy - and that's not just my taste buds talking!! Anybody that wants to be bored by the recipe - let me know... It was not at all hard and you could do it in a regular skillet as long as it was deep enough... But it was so fun going wang chung last night!!

Here's the picture with the meat added...

Voila! I'm going to try a shrimp one next. I also got a roasting pan for Christmas (again by choice) and I used that one a couple of weeks ago. I made prime rib! It also turned out pretty good. And, I have 3 other mouths to verify that... We invited another couple over that would not be offended if we had to order pizza afterwards and we did not have to!! That's when you know you have good friends - they agree to eat things you cook when you have never cooked them before.... now that takes real guts and love from friends!!!

I had it again tonight and it's tomorrow's lunch... I'm not shy of left-overs... of certain kinds of food. There are just some things that just suck the day afterwards..... like rice. I hate 2nd day rice. That's only good once - and fresh out of the pot. Can't really think of other things that suck the next day except the 2nd day in a hospital or the 2nd day of IV steroids.... That's the day that horrible headache hits you if you don't eat everything in your pantry ALONG WITH the naseau that goes so well with a fully distended belly....

But I digress... I was only going to talk about food and yummies!! So, it must be time to bid adieu... : ]

Celine is the cure!!!...

2009-01-10T11:00:00.000-08:00

It's Saturday and the weekend - so much better!! We went to the Celine Dion concert last night. It was so freakin awesome!! She was amazing!! Her voice is so freakin' awesome... and she's just like a big kid. She makes funny faces and talks quite a bit - but then sings all the good songs and has a bunch of very cool dancers. I'm a "So You Think You Can Dance" junkie (another thing the other half is responsible for) and I was excited to recognize the dancers doing Pasa Doble (have no clue if that's spelled right) during one of the numbers. It was so beautiful. My other half is not a very big concert fan but I drag her booty to them. She even really enjoyed this one. Sitting in those stadium chairs was not easy on the back, but that's the reason they make pain pills!! The concert was so good I really even did not notice it that much.

Her opening act was a comedian/singer named Gordie Brown. He did song impressionism and was hilarious. Let's just say he sang a song about Elton John's new fashion design of g-strings... We were sitting next to an older couple and they were crying and whooping and hollering with all of us. It brought me out of my funk - therefore Celine is the cure!!

I hate change sometimes... I'm a Libra, it should all be balanced out!!!! Sometimes it takes me a while to adjust to a new norm. Like the new work norm. Do I like it... not particularly. Is there anything I can do to change it - not even likely. Do I want to change my position - nope. That leaves me with dealing with it and making the best of it for me. I can do that and that's what I'll just have to tell myself. I'll adapt - eventually. And it really shouldn't take me too long just because I get bored with feeling sorry for myself. It's really annoying and I don't like being a cry-baby. Thanks for letting me vent.

It got cold again here. Well, cold for SE Texas... Our high's going to be around 61 today, so we've gotten our heavy coats out. HAHAHAAHHAHAHHAHAH Hey, anything below 70 is very cold for us. Chillin out today and going to eat a good dinner at a fave restaurant tonight... well, technically we're meeting with the event manager at one of our fave restaurants to plan a very exciting celebration for this May. Lots of yummys for the tummy tonight!! Although we did stumble upon a very neat little place last night for dinner. I had their chicken salad sandwhich and it had pears in it and the dressing was a little different but very good!!! We will be going back to Anita's in Montrose - they have pitcher mimosas for Sunday brunch... sounds like a future friend gathering to me!!!

: p ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~....

2009-01-07T16:50:00.000-08:00

That's how I feel. I'm pissy. I'm sad. I'm pissed off. Everything is making my eyes tear up. I feel useless at work. I can't sit down at work and so my feet fuckin' hurt - I'm talking fire ants up the coochie hurt!!!

I've been back at work for 3 whole days now. Yip-bitch-ee. Things have changed so much since 11/13. My 2 closest co-workers are across the hallway with another good co-worker. Another co-worker is at with the feds full time across town, with her partner with her 2 days of the week. Our newest people into the units aren't bad people but their fabric doesn't match the existing, worn-in, perfect fit jeans we used to have. The best supervisor in the unit is more than likely going to promote so that's going to suck. She was my direct supervisor but I got switched in the restructuring our unit went through right before I went out.... I'm a good little indian (literally, since I'm Cherokee) and really have no desire to promote and can pretty much get along with almost any supervisor...

I'm not a ass-muncher but I know how to nod my head and indicate an understanding of their stoopid idea and then get it done my way... and, hell, if they're idea is better I'll use it! I don't feel very trusted in my job. I notice the one boss, who normally is very straight forward and believes in being totally honest did not look me in the eye today when I just happened to mention I liked teaching the rookies and would be available to fill in when the #1 team could not make it. She just said they haven't discussed it - buuuuloney poop. I don't think they trust I'll be around enough to give me any responsibility.

I hate that. I hate that so much I wonder if it would be better just to find another home. Get people and supervisors that don't know that I'm a good worker but just think I just have issues of not ending up in a hospital for a week or out with a flare for a couple of weeks. I HATE THIS FUCKING STOOOOPID RIDICULOUS DISEASE. I sort of wish I'd experienced the hell of going 10+ years without being diagnosed - I think I'd be better off just thinking I'm a clumsy blonde with horrible medical luck.

I'm never the smartest, funniest, prettiest, anything-est in a crowd whether it be personally or professionally. The one thing that sets me apart and why you'd hire me is my willingness to work hard and the fact that you can count on me to do what I say. So, that's where my self-worth is based, at least in my work. So, take away that and I'm worth less than toe jam. So, being not trusted at work - I'm toe jam's ugly drunk cousin (married to their cousin - and my tree has roots in Arkansas so I'm allowed).

This fuckin' sucks. I'm sorry I've got trucker-mouth. I just don't give a possom's ass.... everybody's always thinks the rat's ass means more but I personally think a possom's is uglier.

New Comedian...

2009-01-05T18:21:00.000-08:00

Sorry for leaving it on Gabriel Iglesias for so very long over there on the funnies... But he was very funny!! "Cuz you smelled'em" is my favorite line!! HAHAHAHAAH And, he's got the best laugh.

But, another very very very cynically funny and truthful man is Lewis Black. You can watch a ton of his stuff on youtube but also on comedy central's website. Enjoy his humor!! AHAHAHAHAHAH

Operative Summary...

2009-01-05T16:35:00.000-08:00

I know I'm one of the lucky ones that not only has really good insurance with work (my papa always told me to get a government job for the benefits...) but I also have supplemental insurance. I do have to be a part of a union to do this but that then gives me a tax write-off so..... One of my very bestus friends in the world is battling some very serious crappola in her brain and has done so for the past couple of years without any insurance... along with a very pesky freakin knee!!! Have any of you lost your sense of smell?? She has.... can you imagine not being able to taste??? And she's a helluva cook - I'll only eat her tiramisu and her lemon chicken is to diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie for!!!! So, know that this post IS NOT bitching about my insurance in any way shape or form - even if it deserved to be bitched at I would not because of some of my friends - in person and online - do not have any to bitch about!!!

However, it made for some interesting reading when I got my neurosurgeon's Operative Summary Report which I had to get to file my claim with the duck. Turns out my little foray into back surgery was a little more complicated once they opened me up>>>>

The nerve root and thecal sac were found to be severely displaced posteriorly due to the underlying ruptured disc. There was a small tear of the ligament with a small extruded fragment... Some disc material extruded spontaneously under high pressure. The disc space was further entered, and any remaining soft disc fragments were removed piecemeal.

I went into surgery being told that my disc was more than likely under heavy pressure and due to it being "insert word I don't remember here" but it was something like dehydrated and they would be removing a portion of the disc that was pressing on my nerve root. Post-surgery my doc told me everything went great, they got the part of the disc being pressed upon out, and I was good to go. Was I told that I had a small tear in my ligament on my spine? Nope. Was I told that there were fragments of my ligament also in that area? Nope. Was I told that my disc had officially ruptured (remember that word!)? Nope.

Do I care? Ummmmm, trying not to. Did y'all ever get stitches growing up? I didn't. I now have a couple of scars on my chin and legs and fingers that should have gotten stitches. My mom's cure was always to drown it in hydrogen peroxide, tons of guaze held in place sometimes by duct-tape (and for those of you wondering... yes, some of my formative years were spent in a trailer park!!!) and a kiss to make it better. What did I do? I believed her and went about my business. It didn't hurt anymore and I didn't think anything of it because she didn't think anything of it.

I rather wish I had not read the doctor's statement. I was fine thinking it hurt before, he fixed it, and it doesn't even come close to hurting that bad anymore and recovery pain is always better than hurt pain!!! I know I'll get over it, but it keeps jarring around in my brain. Think of how much stuff hits those lesions in our brains and just gets lost? Why doesn't this info get lost in a lesion?!?!? I told it to stick it's head up my cervical lesion figuring it would appreciate still being in my spine. It stuck it's tongue out at me! (well, it sorta waved a piece of floating ligament at me in my vision but that's sorta gross....)

I'm now hanging out at home, having already scanned the doc's report in for posterity and sealed it up to send to the duck's claim office. I did my first full day back in the office today since 11/13... I got through one pile and have another to do tomorrow and then I got told this afternoon I have to fill in at the academy tomorrow and teach in the afternoon. I'm cleared to drive but I haven't really done any yet just for comfort level. Guess I'll get over that real quick!

2009...

2009-01-04T10:33:00.000-08:00

Wow - can you believe it's already the 4th of January, 2009?? Looks like this year is going to fly by just like 2008. New Year's Eve was an absolute blast! Spent with very good friends, lots of food, and so much laughter my sides still hurt. We have a couple of traditions at the annual eve gatherings....

The first is watching a dvd of pictures of all the events, gatherings, and fun had by all of us throughout the year. It's a lot of "oohs" and "cuuuuute" and "HAHAHAHAHA"s as the 300 pictures go by to usually a very upbeat song about good life and good friends. We had pics from the camping trip, Cozumel, birthday dinners, KS dance, and random dinners and lunches. JP always does a great job of putting it together and we all are a bit teary eyed at the end just remembering all the good times. Luckily, this year, nobody on the viewing was lost... we'd had 2 years running where we had a picture of a lost loved one (a good friend's sister and friend both to breast cancer for those 2 years - I didn't really know either of them really well but anything that tugs at my friends' hearts tugs at mine!) We all gets copies of the DVD as well as the cd of the pictures used. JP mentioned that she's going to have to use the next biggest slide show that will allow 450 pictures for the next year because she said she still had a lot more to put in....

The second one is only in it's 2nd year of new year's eve tradition - but we're going to keep it around for a while. We did a white elephant panty exchange! Let me tell you how hard my sides were hurting at all the laughing we did! Apparently last year there was the biggest pair of granny panties ever seen by anyone - this year it was the "sexy" stuff that had us rolling! I think I did pretty well with the pair I submitted to the party - it was a pair of underwear for 2... It had 4 leg holes!!! OMFG!!! I'm starting to choke from laughing hard at just the memory of T & B putting them on!!! I forgot my camera but I know there are TONS of pics of that moment... although the first couple ones were blurry because the ones taking the pics were laughing their arses off!! I won't mention what I came home with but it was very good! I didn't get the yummy ones because those were present!!!! And it always the quiet ones that you have to watch out for - the quiet one walked away from the exchange after stealing a very very very VERY teeny tiny Raquel Welch type thong..... we asked for pics but I doubt we get them!!! LOL

I had so much fun bringing in 2009. Much better than bringing in 2008 - that was spent in St. Luke's Hospital where my other half woke me up a few minutes before midnight to celebrate and to tell me I could have more pain meds if I wanted them. They never did figure out what the hell was wrong with me - the final discharge papers said "viral intestinal infection". I guess that's what they put when you spend a week in the hospital unable to keep anything down running a temp over 101 for 4 days..... Course, that's also when my body introduced me to spasticity. Hadn't had any dealings with it before that - my neuro said the fever probably awoke that giant. Needless to say...glad I was able to bring in this year differently.

I really don't have a lot of "resolutions" for this year. We all want to be better people - in our jobs, our relationships, and in life. That's a given. I really just want a year free of a hospital stay and a surgery - they don't always go hand in hand together... Remember that horrible spinal tap? I count that as a surgery - especially since I had to go get "plugged up" 4 days later when they hadn't fully plugged me up after the original tap. That wasn't a hospital "surgery" or "stay" but that much time in the freakin' ER qualifies!!! Seriously, though - I accept that this disease means way too many doctor's visits but I'd rather sit in my neuro's waiting room the whole day to avoid a hospital stay and/or procedure. I've got that wonderful optomotrist's visit at the end of this month with the vision field test ... I'll bore y'all with that later this month when I get to britch about the after-effect headache and dizziness. I just want to go this year without having a hospital visit/procedure claim on my supplemental insurance - is that really too much to ask?? AHAHHAHA

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Whatever you give a woman...

2008-12-31T11:09:00.000-08:00

Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.

Isn't that the truth? I laughed my arse off at that when a friend emailed it to me! I thought it was a pretty good way to end the last day of 2008. Today is supposed to be a time to reflect, with a pause to move forward beginning with the first day of the new year. Let's see.... I'll start with the obvious and go happier...

MS sucks. No point denying it. I had a few battles this year with it. Could have been a lot worse but could've been better. Some things I can do to make it better - get back exercising regularly, watch some of the things I eat that might possibly trigger some stuff, pay more attention to the little things my body tells me BEFORE they go big. Set my mental viewing of this crappy disease in a different angle. Accept that it does suck but try and focus on what doesn't suck (right now!).

I did one of those "get to know your friends" email chain thingys (I was in a giving mood) and one of the questions asked what you were scared of. My answer - progressing disability. I think that's all of our fears with this damned disease.... thought I was headed down that route with my right leg earlier this year and it turned out to be a back, and non-MS, issue. Sure, I got lucky (if that's the right word) this time and hopefully there won't be a next time....

Ike sucked big lemons! Reconnected with an old high school friend during my time off work and found out she and her husband had a tree come crashing through their house and haven't lived there since Ike hit. She lived on the north side of town. Luckily we pulled through will very fixable and livable damages. We made out a lot better than that. Again, I lucked out with that one. The long shifts at work made for some very good over-time pay which my partner and I will be taking vacation with this year, so there was a positive side. An even better flip side ended up being the relationship that I now have with the in-laws. They were always super nice and very easy to get along with... but after them living with us for 2 months after Ike - we're family. It was even better this past holiday season just because how all of us were so close. Actually, it was a little too close considering my partner's sister started discussing her and her husband's sex life with me... (GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG) One more glass of wine and it was more okay.... HAHAHAHHHA

Life. In general. It's great! I'm in a very loving, wonderul, whole relationship that consumes me - in a great bursting with happiness way. I've never felt so close or shared such a deep connection with someone on a partner-level (my best friend qualifies for that but we've never slept together thank god!) Yeah, we fight. Yeah, we hurt each other's feelings sometimes and say the wrong things sometimes. We also talk - and more than that communicate with each other. I know that she's there for me through all the good, bad, and hosptial stays! HAHAHAH And, I know she knows I'm there for her in the same ways!! We give and take from each other so that neither one of us is too empty or too full of anything. Our balance is so amazing... I know there will be a post in the future about a fight or misunderstanding we've had. That's what happens. If we weren't two separate people, who just happened to fit together, it would be too boring.

Okay - enough of that gushy stuff, I know! But, it's the happiest of my happies. Even in those blah moments, I've got a pretty good start on a way to start tipping the scales the other way.

New Year's resolutions will be another post for tomorrow (or another day depending on how tonight goes..... : p ) We're headed over to the annual festivities as our friend's house to bring in the New Year.... I'm bringing the fireworks.... [hey, there's gotta be some advantage for being "the man" and being in the area I formally patrolled and know all the local bobbies!!!!!]

Have a wonderful last day of 2008. Here's a toast for the start of 2009!

Ahhhhh, the merriment is over (for a few days)...

2008-12-29T16:33:00.000-08:00

What a wonderful Chrismas I had!!! I love the good things about the holidays! Christmas Eve is spent with the in-laws. Down in Galveston for the eve celebration back on the island. It looks better every time we head down there.... The downstairs has all its walls back and the deck is done and now we've got to re-populate the downstairs with all the fishing poles, fishing supplies, and all the brick a brack that comes with a beach house. We played sculptagories - making playdough turtles and sadles and laughing our arses off at the 16 year-old niece's attempt to make us guess "underwear"... and her blush creeping up her face as we thought of the most outrageous things to say to make it deeper!! AHAHHAHAHAHAHA

Our house was then taken over by my nephews and niece from the west side... They are growing up way too fast. My oldest nephew already looks 16 (he's about to be 12 next month) and got a nifty looking grown-up watch that makes him look that much older. They fight like hell right now - they can't touch each other, sit too close, or play the same game.... The oldest and youngest get along pretty good but the middle one fights with both, and he's the mama's boy which I think is hilarious! It's amazing how much they look like me and my 2 older brothers - I really hope my niece grows out of it and so far she's taking more after her mom which I'm very thankful for! I have a picture that's of me and my older brothers all lined up for a formal portrait when I'm about 2 years old, and I have one with my nephews and niece that's a very similar set up (it's the bath tub photo in theirs!) and I have them in a frame side by side.... I love it!

We actually ventured out in the black Friday rerun this past Saturday. It actually wasn't too bad and caught some good deals. I'm very pissed at my Dallas Cowboys that could've been beaten by a Texas high school football quarter-finalist the way they played yesterday. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I'm doing pretty good. My back's still pissy at me but I think I'm moving a little better. I went back to work again today for another half-day. I ordered my lumbar support for my work chair and my jeep today. My best friend was cracking me up on the phone today making cracks about my little old lady walk... and he hasn't even seen me walking yet!! LOL He's not too far off base but I'm not shuffling anymore here lately. I can even get up to a "brisk" pace every now and then if I really need to! I'm fighting the fatigue battle here though - I hate the fatigue demon... it's really a vampire that doesn't leave marks.... it just comes and sucks you dry and you don't even have a decent scar to point to and shout "Hey - it's not me - it's the F'ing Vampire... the fatigue vampire that sucked me"... I mean, at least then you'd have a cool scar, a scary story, and could stay up telling it after you recovered!! My only question I can't figure out is where would this F'ing Vampire bite you??? HMMMM?? Maybe the toes - or bewtween your toes that way he'd (or she'd) have to risk any toe-funk to really get you!!! [btw, Buffy seriously kicks ass!!]

I'm Baaaaaaaaaaaaack!...

2008-12-23T12:24:00.000-08:00

to work for half the day today!! WOO HOOO!!! I didn't do anything of course - no one was doing anything because it was Christmas Eve Eve. It was very fun seeing the few people that were there! I also had quite a few treats on my desk that were still edible - having been left there just last week! My co-worker made these yummy peanut butter bites covered in powdered sugar and chocolate - very yummy!

It was good to know that I was missed - my co-worker that covers my duties when I'm not there was very anxious to get me back! I'm in one office and there's another office in another part of town. That office has 3 people for the job I do by myself (with a little help from my friends ... I think I caught Brass and Ivory's song tune blog-bug!) at my office.... So, why they missed me because they don't like doing my job it's still nice to be missed. AHHAHAHAHAH

The fall seemed to only jog my fear and hurt my pride - which was very good. I was sore for a couple of days and had to deal with some additional back spasms but no pain. Had I been a normal mary jane (there's another Tom Petty song for ya!) I'm sure the same soreness and spasms would have occurred.

I cannot freakin' believe tomorrow is Christmas Eve. All the presents are wrapped in the empty room with care.... My step-mom and I usually bake these holiday cookies (and I'm going to get this wrong) called Pepparkakor. Hold on a second and I'll Google them... they are tradiontal Sweedish cookies that are similar to ginger snaps in consistency but not in taste - they are SOOOO much better! I've got the recipe now and so am debating if I'm going to make them today or Saturday.... I sorta want to do them today so I can eat them today but I sorta want to chill out right now.

Here's my MERRY CHRISTMAS - HAPPY HOLIDAYS wish to y'all in blogdom! Enjoy the Christmas Cactus - they are very fun to grow! (that isn't mine but a Google pic of them!)

Son of an Irish whiskey salesman...

2008-12-19T09:16:00.000-08:00

I fell this morning.

Why did I fall? I couldn't feel my right foot! A:LDKJFA:OIJFA:FJA:KFHAHFOOI@Q#(&(&
That's the way I feel!!!

GRRRR! For the first time in a quite a while I semi-sprang/rolled out of bed. I sleep where my right leg is the first on the ground... I got it down and was not able to get my left leg down before SPLAT!

I fell right on my right hip. And, when I say right hip - I mean smack dab where I did not feel any other part of me on the floor until I completely collapsed flat on my side. I don't remember the next 5 - 10 seconds after that.... I was too busy holding my breath waiting for the extreme pain to start either from my hip or my back.... ( I just re-read "flat on my side"... I don't think that's possible but it sounds decent, huh??)

Let me tell you how scared I was... and still am!! Luckily, no hollering at the moon pain started and so I slowly rolled on my stomach and got up... very slowly and gingerly. What was my immediate reaction?? Holy mother freeze dried tomatoes!!! Then, I called my other half at work and told her about it - better to get that out of the way early so as to avoid the conversation later!!

Anyhows, I did not feel any immediate pain/harm done so I laid on the couch and promptly fell asleep. Hard sleep. My body's way of going, well shit - we'll deal with it later. And, so now that I've woken up and moved around a bit - IT HURTS!!! So far there's no shooting pain but it's constant in my hip. I don't really feel anything in my back - which is good. Thank the higher power that my incision is still intact....

I was fixen to go back to work next week part time to go slowly back into the work scene to start back full time after the new year.... this better not mess with that.

Course, my other concern is why my right leg was not just asleep - I DIDN'T FEEL A FUCKING THING IN MY LEG FROM THE HIP DOWN UNTIL MY HIP HIT THE FLOOR! The bedroom is carpeted (new stuff that just got installed last week from Ike repairs!!) and we got the upgraded pad but not much difference between 5/6" and 7/8".... Sheeeeeesh!!!

Now I've gone all buggy and am trying not to wig out about it!! The bad part is today's Friday ... and while I'm cheering because it's Friday for the weekend aspect of it - I have to decide now if I'm going to call the doctor or not (or at least in the next 2 hours...) I really don't want to. Anyone who fell like I did would be sore and hurt a little bit. But, without sounding like a total arrogant Texan... I'm not anyone!!!!! I'm a freakin' MSer who just had back surgery!!!!

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.... I think I'll just get back to importing cd's into my itunes collection and wait. Isn't bad crap like this supposed to happen on Mondays??? and then, just like the commercial, I remember it's Monday night football on to make it better???

Another 4 letter word...

2008-12-16T09:18:00.000-08:00

I've just finished reading The Last Lecture about the computer science professor that was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer and gave his literal last lecture to his students and it was amazing. If you have no clue what I'm talking about, go to his website (thelastlecture.com).

The amount of courage and strength that man possessed. And to be able to put it into words... verbal and written. And the amount of people he touched - his family, his friends, his students, his co-workers. He actually was a Do-It kind of guy instead of a Say-It kind.

I'm going to try and learn something from him. I'm not a type A personality....more like a B+ kinda girl. I'm a good Indian and really have no desire to be the chief. Now, I'll campaign a bit to be the chief's advisor if she/he was worth it. And, that was the great thing about the book and the last lecture. It recognizes that not everybody is going to run the world or come up with a world-changing idea but that each person has their own value... to themselves, to their families, to their work-force.

So, getting back to the title of this post, what's another four letter word? Weak is my new four letter word that's becoming the thorn in my side. While my B+ personality might be lacking in the drive to be leader I've never lacked the strength to get what I need to do done. I'm up to carrying out the orders and keeping things going... I was usually captain of my athletic teams - not because I was the best athlete ... nope - because I was the one a coach always described as having the heart that made up for my lack of ability. Now, even heart can't cover it all with MS.

Heart's great when you want to get something done but doesn't help you out when your right leg does not want to cooperate with your brain's orders. Heart's great when you remember what you have to do but how you want to do it becomes too scrambled in your brain to make sure it gets done. Heart's amazing to keep you going despite not being able to do the things you enjoy because you physically cannot do them....

I'm still a little snarfy about all the things I feel like my MS has taken away. I haven't been mountain biking in over 2 years - I could do it with my cooling vest but my legs haven't been working right and now I won't do it again for a while to make sure my back heals... I now know why I had to quit running a couple of years ago because every time I did my feet would go numb and I'd lose a lot of feeling even in my arms (now know it was spasticity mixed with heat reaction). I feel weak because I haven't been able to focus on the things I can do despite the MS.

I realized this (a little late I think) reading the book. Weak is going to become a really bad four letter word for me. Any time I start thinking it I'm going to start putting a quarter in a jar or something. Weak has become a part of me like never before but it does not mean it has to become the dominant part of me. I'm going to try and start developing ways to overcome my weakness. It's not going to be easy and it's not going to happen over night but it can happen.

Dog's Dreamin...

2008-12-15T10:02:00.000-08:00

My partner made an interesting observation about my sleeping habits... and came up with a new phrase for my spasticity. And, I've been meaning to talk about this subject but kept getting distracted with shiny things!!

Apparently, a few weeks ago, my legs were twitching so bad that I was shaking the whole bed. My other half ended up sleeping quite peacefully on the floor. I didn't realize this until the following day when she told me. I was very upset about it until I was laughing my ass off about it! I was told that I was puppy dreams. My partner asked me if I was chasing rabbits as well as Emma (our chocolate lab mix). She equated my spastic legs to when Emma is asleep and dreaming with her paws running after some unknown rabbit(s)...

I had been trying to get completely off my anti-spastic medicine (which for me is Zanaflex or Tizanidine) and had not taken it for a few nights when my bunny-chasing night happened. As long as I take my meds I don't chase bunnies....or at least not enough to wake others! We've had quite a few chuckles over that. We all know how our muscles just start going whether we want them to or not. I have had the wonderful privelege of having some facial ticks off and on and I can always tell when I'm having one I don't feel when I get that tilted head-trying to ignore it-look from someone looking at me at the time... The ones I usually don't feel but others might are in my side of my trunk/rib area and upper thigh area.... Anytime I have those now, I get asked what I'm chasing... AHHAAHHHAHAHHAHAHHAH

I love it. I'm the type that wants to laugh at something - I'm a big believer in talking for 30 minutes rather than fighting for 3. The easiest way to disarm someone is to either share something of yourself or laugh at something about yourself. Which, with MS, is quite easy to do. We walk funny, sometimes we talk funny, we have our own language about our bodies because of what's going on with them.... We speak of things like neurons, and myelin, and synapses, and auto-immune.... all those SAT words we wish we would have paid attention to more back then (course, me being the nerd I was in high school I do have SAT words I pull out of my buttocks every now and then just for fun = I was proud of my verbal!)

We each develop our own voacabulary to deal with the specific crap that is unique to our MS. We all know that while we might share hyper-active immune systems that attack our central nervous systems on their myelin and the myelin sheaths... But, being that is a vast world in our brains and spinal cords it makes the disease different for all of us because a sclerosis on a specific spot on our brain or spinal cord makes for a specific reaction. I have 2 lesions on my cervical spine that causes numbness and tingling in both my arms and hands. I wake up almost every morning with numb hands and it goes up into the lower arms sometimes. My last MRI showed no changes in those lesions - which is good. None of us wants the "black hole" conversation about our lesions. Isn't that the reason we overcome our fear of needles for our DMDs??

Anyways... in my house the term "spasticity" or any related words has now been changed to rabbit chasing or doggie dreaming. Think I can get my neuro on board with those terms? I'd love to see it in the New England Journal of Medicine... 'statistics show that group B undergoing treatment 1 experienced statistically less rabbit chasing than group A undergoing a placebo treatment'

Watching South Park is ALWAYS a good thing!...

2008-12-12T17:25:00.000-08:00

(First off - let me apologize for why this is all underlined - I don't know what I did and I can't seem to fix it.... )

If you've never seen an episode of South Park... (let me break and say YIPPEE for whatever I did to stop the underlining... I'm not going back to erase the first sentence cuz I'm afraid it will bring the lining back!!!) then you need to. There are some more funny than others - I have been known to cry... You can watch episodes on their website. Let me make a few recommendations for the beginner...

Episode 809 - Season 8: Something Wal-Mart this way. If you believe that Wally-world is the downfall of America and the root of all evil than you will appreciate this episode. Even if you shop at wally-world regularly like I do (it's 2 blocks from my neighborhood!) you will still LYAO!

Episode 706 - Season 7 (u catching on to the first number corresponding to the season? - I'm in a very snarfy mood right now...you'll have to excuse the sarcasm). Lil' Crime Stoppers... Okay, you might have to have had some dealings with law enforcement to really appreciate all the jokes but watching enough SVU (i typed SUV at first... HAHAHAH) would work too!!

Episode 807 - Mr. Jefferson. LMAO LMAO LMAO FOTFLMAO!!!! Don't drink anything while watching this - it will come back on your screen!!

Episode 1007 - Tsst. Like the Dog Whisperer? I do and I loved this episode!!

Episode 1104 - The Snuke. Okay, I don't care if you wanted Hilary to be president, this is some funny shinola!

And, one of the most hilarious, all-time wrong on so many levels (although, if you watched any of the Mormon or Hey God episodes you are so going to be on the bus to hell with me and tons of my other friends!!!) is Episode 1108 - Le Petitte Tourette. Someone thinks it's cool to have Tourette's and then there's the Dateline Episode involved.... Okay, this episode is seriously twisted and about as wrong as Mr. Jefferson - and these are just my personal favorites....

What I like so much about the show is the fact that it's beyond honesty - it reveals the underbelly of so many of our thoughts and stuff - the one black person in town is named Token. They have a pre-op to post-op 4th grade teacher that goes back and forth between being gay and straight in all the various stages of surgery!! It has a chef that sings about his "salty balls" and it's NOT what you think!!

The show's genius in that nothing is sacred. It even laughs and makes fun of itself. The one after Obama was elected made it look like the whole election was rigged for Obama to win by McCain - but for entirely different reasons than you might think - hilarious!! Anyways, why did I get off on this tangent tonight. Can't say. Maybe my snarfy mood - maybe the fact that I was watching the movie and singing along with Shut Your Fucking Face Uncle Fucker (and not missing a word!!)!
Maybe the fact that I'm avoiding talking about my MS because it might re-awaken it... I think it's sleeping right now. It's behaving and that scares me worse than a fever!!

Regardless, I feel it's my duty to educate those not in the know about the SP universe. Ahh, young masters - you must open your mind to the force young jedi's!!!

Words rarely uttered here in SE TX...

2008-12-11T09:13:00.000-08:00

It snowed last night!

It was so cool! It started sleeting yesterday afternoon and there were pictures of it snowing in the far north parts of H-town but surely it wouldn't reach down here... Yuppers! It did!!

It snowed big time for here! There were large, quarter size flakes floating all around and coming down like rain. Here are some pics...

My baby jeep was cold but made for a good picture! There was actually snow on the ground and it wasn't melting away as soon as it hit.

This is the puppies green monster - all covered in snow!! of all things!!! The pups were in high gear because of the cold. They were out running around last night and this morning chasing the squirrels and running around.

It's gorgeous today - lots of sun but still cold. Course, this being Texas, the high for Sunday is supposed to be back up at 72! Looks like I might get my cold days for Christmas! I was like a kid in a candy store last night playing in the snow! I kept looking out the windows and started jumping up and down when I saw the flakes coming down! I ran outside without my coat and in my socks... My honey made sure and followed me up with my coat and shoes!

I was out and about for a while. I came in and my hands and feet were frozen but in such a good way! I haven't played in the snow since I went to Lake Tahoe several years ago. Funny talkinga bout snow in this blog when just a few months ago I was writing about the damage from Hurricane Ike. And, the day that it snowed the forecast came on predicting 14 hurricanes for next year. I don't pay attention to the forecasts for the hurricanes since they're never right... but I still liked the irony of it all.

Just another Tuesday...

2008-12-09T10:28:00.000-08:00

But this Tuesday is special - it's the honey's birthday!! WOO HOO!! I wish we were going out to a big steak dinner to celebrate but I still can't sit upright for very long and a car ride is my least favorite thing to do right now. I'm actually getting better at sitting up, and probably could do dinner somewhere but all the decent places to go are at my max limit for a car ride... Sheesh - I hate that I can't do big plans to celebrate.

Course, what's worse is that the carpet guys that were supposed to be here at 10 are now not coming until 2, and it'll take 2-3 hours to get it finished so that means they will not be gone by the time she gets home from work. Last night the kitchen and bathroom floors got installed... the guys were here until 1030 pm!! OMG!! But, one of the guys did put our new toilet in for us for a lot less than it was going to be with HD's installers.... so, I guess that was a wash.

All that's left to fix now is the sheetrock in the small hallway and the gutters. I will be glad when all this is over. It has stressed the other half out majorly and not to mention has stressed me out as well. It will be nice to have everything done and quiet around here where we can enjoy it. We got each other the PS3 for Christmas this year for the games and the Blu-ray. It's a good investment since we're such home-bodies that enjoy staying in and watching a movie with no lines to the bathroom, personal volume control, and much cheaper candy and popcorn!! Now, with Netflix as well, it's cinema paradise!! I can't wait to get Madden 09 for the PS3 - I'm not a big gamer but I do enjoy it. I can't wait to get back to the Wii.

I loved the Wii fit with the games and yoga. I can't wait to get back to working out period. I have enjoyed being laid up this time w/o a lot of steroids - I noticed I'm not putting on the pounds like I usually do with a MS flare. I know the food tastes so good on solumedrol but I could do without all the extras!! LOL Speaking of food, I did the bacon pancakes on this past Sunday. They were very yummy! They cooled off a little quick but the taste was yummy! The pancake batter just sucks up the bacon grease and the flavor combo is yummers!! Have I said that already??

I can't believe it's already so far into December.... It's going to be Christmas before I know it. We haven't gotten anything Christmas out in the house... it's still all in the attic since all the working in the house and me unable to pick up the milk jug. It's going to be a little odd without a tree this year but I think we'll make do... We talked about getting one of those rosemary trees and putting a few ornaments on it just to have something in the house. Will probably end up doing that.

I didn't really have anything in mind when I started babbling. I'm just listening to my latest itunes purchases and catching up on some email correspondence. Haven't even turned on the boob tube yet - but I'm sure I will. No sense not frying my brain more than it already is!!! AHHAHAHAH

Here piggy piggy piggy...

2008-12-05T19:17:00.000-08:00

Holy Moly Mackeral!!!!

I'm reading a decent book I decided to get upon reading about it at B&N.com. In the book, which was originally written by by a Sweedish author and translated to English (which, by the way, will be a topic for a future post about a different world view that was a little hard but very enjoyable to adjust to)... ANYHOWS..

I had to write a 2nd post for today because in this book one of the main characters is treated to a dinner with bacon pancakes and ligonberries. Now, I've had pancakcs and ligonberries - very yummers! But, wtf is a bacon pancake??

Of course, I go to the trustee Google toolbar and type it in... Follow along with me on my Goog-ourney:

The 1st listing is this site to what an actual bacon pancake is... Very tasty sounding! And yes, your cholesterol will go up just reading it!!

Now, look up in the top right corner of that blog page and there's a link to some other hilarious bacon themed bandages and air freshener (yes... that's a hard word to mis-type so you read it right the first time!)

Now, the 2nd stop is a heaven for bacon lovers - of which I proudly raise my hand!! It's a blog about nothing but oinking on bacon!! It's a bacon a day recipe. OMG! Just browse that a while... again, do not do this before a trip for the annual physical or to your cardiologist because the LDL is going up!

This was a very shiny thing for me tonight which caused me to put down my book and come share with you!!! Oh, I am soooooo looking forward to pancakes and bacon this weekend - i was planning on French toast with my bacon on Sunday morning but things might change!!! By the way.... the first site has pictures!!!! Be careful, I had to clean some drool off my keyboard!!

This is me...

2008-12-05T12:46:00.000-08:00

Not really... but it's a 4-legged representation of what I feel like! I still can't even sit partially up in my side of the recliner couch. So, my beloved Venus - the not even 2 year old adopted mutt - has deemed the brown couch hers while I stay on our red one. I've gotten some really good shots of her relaxing with me while I'm home. And, believe it or not, the one on the left was taken 2 days ago but the one on the right was taken today! Looks like she went from one spot right to the next one...

Course, her big sister is too cool to pose for pictures anymore! HA! Not really, but she would normally be curled up on the other side of the couch except she takes advantage of being on one of the beds and spreading out. The little one is curled up on the heating pad and blanket. Today was "cold" for us down here in the gulf coast - our high was only 55 today so we're all in our heavy winter coats down here! It might even hit freezing on the north side of H-town tonight! Brrrrrrr! Course, I know all y'all above the Mason-Dixon line are laughing y'alls arses off at me saying it's cold but anything below 70 and we go a little bonkers!! At least I do - my blood is too thin for any color other than green or brown on the ground.

I have been in snow here in Texas - even in the south part of Texas. I need to scan in pictures of the beach house deck covered in snow from 2 years ago! It's great! My partner said about 2 minutes after they went back inside a seagull landed on the railing and did the "hot potato" dance for a few seconds and then flew off cuz of the snow! That would've been hilarious! I do like it cold on Christmas Eve and Christmas though - it doesn't feel right when it's 80F. And, yes - I have been swimming on both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Both in Texas and visiting my grandparents in Little Rock, Arkansas. There was one Christmas where I opened my gifts in my bathing suit, along with my cousin and family. Those pics are still on slides, which my brother and I keep meaning to get to have them transferred to DVDs. I wore shorts this Thanksgiving day and for most of the weekend. I think it hit 85 that Saturday afterwards...

I remember being told, jokingly by my neuro, that my diagnosis meant I had to move north! He was joking but we all know how the heat is an MSer's main kryptonite! I have a cooling vest I now use religiously for outdoor events during the wanna-be winter and sissy-spring we get down here (technically summer is our only season with a slight dip into fall). I just can't imagine living somewhere without the heat, though - I think my skin would eavaporate off of me!! I guess I could always find a "dry" heat somewhere! AHHAHAHAHA What's funny is when I've traveled to the east coast during the summer I learned to request/ask for air-conditioning! Now, it's not so hard to find but it was for a while! I think New York and Chicago had more days over 95F last summer than we did. On a down note for the Bayou city, though, our "feels like" temps were higher...

TGIF! Doesn't really affect me - same type day for me as the last 21 days. I'm even losing days of the week. I didn't realize today was Friday until my partner told me she was excited for the weekend... how sad is that???

Loopiness is everything...

2008-12-04T18:16:00.000-08:00

Car ride to the doc for my 2 week follow-up! Not a fun car ride but I got some chick-fil-a nuggets and waffle fries out of it!! WOO HOO!! And a warning from the doc to take it easy and the rest of the month off... I agreed to 2 more weeks of catching up with my relationship with my DVD player at a minimum. I lucked into another wonderful doc - he was running really late this morning and I didn't get back to the room for another hour after my appointment time.

Being that I'm good at lying down and standing up, with a short burst of walking but NOT sitting - the hour wait was painful. So, I was in pain curled up into a ball on the exam table when he came into the room. He told me he was sorry so many times I lost count. He said my incision was healing great and I needed to start walking around more often for shorter bursts... and he gave me that half-arm hug... I pegged him at first in his early 40s but now I think he's older - he had a grandfather-ly way about him this morning... Either way, I was glad I put my spine in his hands.

Cue the pain meds = which I have been taking sporadically as needed since the beginning of this week. Leading to major loopiness now while I type this post! I have absolutely no idea where I was going when I started this post. I think I actually changed topics in my head a couple of times as well, and I don't remember any of them... I might have been extremely profound for this post! I might have been highly amusing!! Oh, hell... I'd still just be me!! LOL

Okay, who the hell knows where I'll go now and I don't think anyone wants me to visit wikipedia on anymore fetish hunts!! AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHH

It's Potty Time...

2008-12-02T06:48:00.000-08:00

We all know some of the less glorious aspects of this crappy disease... the bladder and bowel symptoms we get. Some of us go way to often, some of us can't get enough out when we do go, others go way too much, others don't know how in the hell that much liquid can come from one person....

Me, about 2 years before diagnosis, I spent more than 2 weeks in the hospital with what they eventually (after a colonoscopy and another hospital stay) deemed IBS - irritable bowel syndrome. They thought I maybe had colitis or Crohn's but the colonoscopy ruled those out. I lost almost 15 pounds in about 3 weeks and couldn't keep anything in me. All the doctor's and hospital visits came in handy these past couple of years for dealing with MS... I could barely go to work and I was very thankful, when I did, that the bathroom was only a few steps away. The docs put me on steroids (again, good dress rehearsals...) and I did a severe diet change for about 2 months and I seemed to "heal".

Course, this wonderfully mysterious auto-immune disorder that we share called Multiple Sclerosis could have been the culprit all along. There are TONS of nerves in our bowels... the process that gets the crap, literally, out of us is called peristalis. It's one of those autonomic nervous system processes that works without us having to think about it. Course, there are days when we have to work on it.... Correctol has become a very close friend of mine! Don't you love how MS breaks down the barriers in discussing CRAP????

My neuro seemed to agree with me during one of our longer, initial diagnosis discussions. I never really got mad at all the GI and OB-GYN docs that I saw as a result of that CRAP I went through during that time. (They thought endometriosis was the culprit as well - and still is part of the problem) Besides, I could have been diagnosed with Crohn's and MS - we all know that the auto-immune disorders are very co-dependant on each other and like to share habitations a lot. How many of us probably also have RA with our MS put the general joint pain we all dismiss as a result of the steroids or other meds? I've had my feet and hips xray'd a bunch over the last couple of years because of my "pain", and the docs wanting to rule out RA.

Wow - didn't know I was going to delve into my past so much for this post... And, it started just to be a really funny one about a website I found reading someone else's blog about Crohn's (I'm a caregiver to a Crohn's patient - my partner). It's a website where you can find a toilet no matter where you are in the world - and you can add toilet sites!!! Here's the link - it's called SitOrSquat.com .

Hilarious!! I'm going to go back to watching the boob-tube and listen to the roofers working above. They got here at 645 this morning - wonder if the sunrise was good from on top??

OMG...

2008-12-01T07:10:00.000-08:00

We all know how much all that racket going on in our head can drive a person batty! All those crazy, mamby-pamby thoughts that go swirling around in there from time to time... Should I have super-sized? Should I have chosen that school instead of the other school? Did I really want to be home while they're fixing our roof....

Holy Moldy Cannolli!!!!!! I now know why we call it a "pounding" headache when it's one of those kick-ass ones! They're here stripping the old roof off the house today. Got here bright and EARLY at 730 this morning! I'm so thankful that the insurance is giving us a new roof. So very thankful. But, seriously, having an out-of-body-migraine is not something I ever wanted to try out-of-body! The dogs have all curled under their blankets to get away from it... I don't have enough blankets. Well, I take that back - I have enough but I'd also like to be able to breathe!

I moved from the bed to the couch thinking it would quiet down a bit in the living room - the dang vaulted ceilings should count for something, right? Nope. Just as loud out here. Oh well, the couch is my best friend anyway right now. I actually am bending over just a little bit (and, if so many of my friends saw that line they'd have fodder for years!!!) and putting on my socks on my own. I'm walking around the house very well and using my picky-uppy thing quite a bit. I can't tell if I'm doing too much or not enough. My spurts of pain tell me I'm doing too much but then my ever-growing ass is telling me I'm not doing enough. SIGH.

I wonder how long my immobility is going to last. Neighbors spent yesterday putting out holiday decorations on their houses and yards. I so would like to get all the Christams stuff down from the attic and start adding a little cheer to the household... Course, the carpet/tile people come next week to replace the flooring so we're actually going to be "packing" up all the crap in the 3 bedrooms, bathrooms, and kitchen so that the carpet/tile people just have to move the furniture. So, adding stuff to the mix right now is not a good idea. Another SIGH

I feel like I'm going through an MS attack right now.... I know what's wrong but I really can't do anything about it but "heal". My body has to do all the work right now. My brain has to adjust to my imposed restrictions right now. I don't like it. There's nothing more I can do about it either. I go back to the doc's later this week. I wonder what he's going to be expecting... just like when you head back to the neuro's office after the week on our IV cocktails. You never know if you'll get the nodding head, eyes turned sideways look that means neuro doesn't like how your body has responded to the meds... or will you get the clapping hands and smile that means the meds won the battle this time and we'll just wait for CD's next attack. Double SIGH

Oh well, enough for now. I'm going to go back and catch up on my daytime TV that is horrible! Course, that's what I have my DVD player for... can't load the dang thing myself but honey loaded my choices last night for me... Yeah!!

Happy Gobble Gobble!...

2008-11-27T08:22:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving!!

I am so very thankful for a wonderful partner, a loving family, generous friends, and my place in life.

I hope everyone has a wonderful start to the holidays this weekend! Enjoy lots of laughter and love! To help with the laughter, enjoy this tasty morsel:

It's called Lemon Turkey Zest!! HAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHA

That was so much fun...

2008-11-24T13:56:00.000-08:00

I don't ever want to do it again!!! They had me walking that night of course, and passed all my "tests" to go home the next day. Been busy laying around the house since. Today was the first day I sat up alot and did not just lay around on my back... Gotten off the pain meds as well today. Strictly back to advil and tylenol. They gave me the really good stuff in the hospital of course, but I do not like the way pain meds knock you out of it (and stop you up - that's the WORST part!)

Anyways, just a short note right now. I am posting the picture my lovely bride-to-be took of me while waiting in pre-surgery. I had been walking around for the 2 weeks prior to the surgery with a cane but was told not to bring it to the hospital because they did not want me using it afterwards. So, I got to hobble up to the surgery center until they got me into the bed and I got approved for pain-meds! And, the few times I had to visit the ladies room I had to have someone with me at all times.... this is what I was designated! My honey still has it in her "keep-sakes" and thought it was hilarious.

I, too, think it's an absolutely fantabulous commentary on my travels through this life in my given skin...

Let the drumroll begin...

2008-11-18T15:40:00.000-08:00

It's the night before surgery,
And all through the house
The dogs were all excited
Cuz they knew something was up.

Arrangements have been made
Even dad's coming down
Who knows how that'll go
Always daddy's little girl.

Go in at 10
Surgeon's fitting me in at 1.
Semi-private bliss waiting for me
At least I'll get to eat real food this trip.

One night in St. Luke's
Of course the patron saint of docs
I'll be back to boot-scootin in no time
They'll have me walkin that night!

A little bit of fear
A lot to look forward to
I'll have to remind myself
I'm in recovery afterwards.

LOL!! I'll be back to the couch in a few days after recovering from back surgery. Enjoy my horrible poetry until then.... had no clue what I was going to write at first and then it just "spewed" out!!! AHAHHAHAHHAHHAHA

A night of sleep...

2008-11-16T07:34:00.000-08:00

Is such a wonderful thing! I was actually asleep in bed last night before 3 am!! WOO HOO! I was excited. Course, I woke up at 530 this morning but almost 6 hours of sleep is sooo good!! Ahhh, enough bragging for now! : ]

Scars are tattoos with better stories. ~From a Toyota advertisement in Sports Illustrated magazine, 3 June 2002

Isn't that a great quote? I read that and was excited. Course, some tattoos have really good stories as well. Course, I'm sure that ad is only talking about physical scars. Really good emotional scars sometimes have the best stories, huh? Not always good, but not always bad either.

I've figured out that MS itself leaves all sorts of scars... We all can very accurately describe that day in the doc's office where we were told we have MS. Then all our wonderful MS paths differ... because of the great disease that is this CD we all get various, differing, paths - some more rocky, sloped, and bumpy than others!

I got my first tattoo when I was 18 years old, during the spring of my senior year of high school. A friend of mine had a date that decided that no meant yes, then the prick turned up HIV+. So, my friend now has to go get tested - at least the bastard told her about his situation. Course, Kharma caught up to the prick and I last heard he ended up wasting away w/o family or friends. My friend luckily turned up HIV- so we decided to celebrate by going to get tattoos. Yes, we could appreciate the irony of the "celebration"...

I love dolphins... always have and always will. Of course I did the girly thing and got a dolphin on my ankle. My friend ended up getting an ankh, which is the Egyptian symbol for life (in short terms) on her bikini line. She didn't ever want anyone to know about hers.... Me, well, I went through a "who gives a crap phase" and wanted everyone to know. Made sure and wore super light hose the night of senior banquet so that everyone saw.... It was hilarious - no one was saying anything until one of my friend's mothers commented that she was impressed by the detail of the fins and coloring... Not another word was mentioned until that summer when my father blew a gasket upon seeing it. He banned me from getting anymore - and that did not last.

I named her Darwin - after the wonderful Charles Darwin. Course, that's the only tat that has a name. All the others can just be!

Caught BWNS...

2008-11-14T21:32:00.000-08:00

"Blogging While Not Sleeping"

You'd think that the sleep meds and heavy duty pain meds would negate the steroids they have me taking.... Nope. Course, I can't sleep anyways because there is absolutely no position I can get in that makes the back feel better. And, I'll get yelled at if I go sleep on the couch by the honey...even though me no-sleep means her no-sleep... Even though I wouldn't be sleeping anyways, I would just have better TV options as the living room as that's where the cable box is hooked up....

Isn't that a freakin' hilarious picture??? Don't we all feel that way about something we have to do sometimes, even when it's something we HAVE to do? I'm sure we've felt this way about work, family functions, medical procedures... My right leg has swollen so much over the last 24 hours... Apparently not abnormal since I'm not using it. I'm that dog facing my surgery! I know it's something necessary to do and it's necessary for my health - again the fear is tempered greatly by a return to "normal".... I really didn't mean for there to be any MEANING to the photo.. I really just wanted to share it!!!

Did I ever share the pic of my "green monster brew" I made for Halloween? Here it is...

Not nearly as funny as the above photo but still pretty knarly, huh? Notice the gummy worms I added? The kiddos really liked those. Next time I'm going to have to add food coloring to the hand-icecubes to make them stand out more...

There's really nothing on regular tv right now... I'm sure I could find a good movie out in the living room. I'd annoy the puppy sleeping in there though, as my puppy in here with me keeps giving me those heavy sigh/growl thingys.

I thought I had a lot to get off my chest here tonight... turns out not so much. We're scheduling the carpet/flooring people tomorrow to come the first week of December. The roofing people should be getting their shingles on the week of Turkey day. The gutter man comes the day after the roof is finished. The fence man should be here next week. Course, he's the husband of one of my co-workers so that's the one I'm least worried about. He's such a good guy! It's sorta worked out better having to wait on the dang insurance people cuz everyone that really needed to get stuff done (I mean - our house was livable so we were in better condition than a lot of others) has wrapped up and now we're having to wait less. We were told it would be 3-4 weeks to get a roof when he first got our estimate. Now, we signed the papers this week and get the roof in less than 10 days.

Watched the movie Kung-Fu Panda tonight.... absolutely worth the time! Very funny and poignant. It's amazing how many adults actually enjoy the Disney/Pixar/Animated pics. Signed up for Netflix since I'm looking at another extended stay away from the job. I had fun creating the list and ranking the order. They've got the classic TV shows you can get! We're looking forward to some good Carol Burnett laughs this weekend.

I'm wondering about my surgery scar(s). Supposedly it's going to be a very small, between 1-3", cut in my back and my buddy said she had a hard time even noticing the scar. I'm a little worried about my tattoo that's back there... Have I come out about my tattoos? I have the one on my lower back but it's not some sissyfied one... It's a rather large tribal art piece with orange, purple, red, and black in it. Probably around 7-8" long and 4" tall. I think they might have to cut into that and I'm wondering how it'll affect it. I can always go and get it touched up - I've already had to re-do one of my ankle tats. Course, it could just be an excuse to get another one!! I'm a little skittish though since I had a week long hospital stay about 2 days after I got my last one. I did mention it to the ER and hospital docs immediately and then they ruled out it being any type of ink infection but it still makes you wonder.

There's at least 2 more I know I want but I'm running out of room... In business clothes and my uniform you would not know that I have any tattoos and I want to keep it that way. Now, I'm very proud to be tattoo'd but it's something very personal and not for others. Each one of my tats is very personal and I still love each and every one of them!

Okay, I think I'm good to go for now. Besides, this is 2 today, huh? Everytime I post and fiddle with my blog I realize there's something more about me I can put into it. That's the point, right? Anyways, I'm a big quote-whore. I love'em! I used to have several volumes of books just of quotes... I've realized I don't really have a quotefinder linked somewhere in my blog. I'm going to part with a quote I found and then go find a quote site I want to link...

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." . . . You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
-Eleanor Roosevelt

And the verdict is...

2008-11-14T06:07:00.000-08:00

I'm restricted to bed/couch rest until surgery, probably this coming Wednesday.... I'm walking steady with the assistance of a cane. The good news is that this has absolutely nothing to do with MS. Amazing, huh? I've always been a fan of a good piece of irony, and this is ranking right up there! My doc kept telling me he was sorry for my pain....telling me he wished he could fit me in sooner but his schedule was already packed. Still, I'm writing this while waiting for his surgical nurse to call to fill me in on instructions and the exact day/time.

I'm actually taking this as a blessing in disguise... this explains a lot of my leg/hip pain going on for a while. I'm looking forward to getting back to a more active lifestyle... A friend called me last night and actually went through the exact same procedure and gave me lots of good info!! And she told me I could harass her as much as I wanted... I plan on taking her up on that throughout the weekend.

They went ahead and drew the blood at the doc's office yesterday so I wouldn't have to go back to the hospital again before the procedure. I'm not supposed to be in a car for more than 20-30 minutes, if at all, and that has to continue until 3-4 weeks after the surgery! That's the biggest, messed up thing about this all is that I now can't travel up to North Texas for Thanksgiving because it's just over a 4 hour drive up to my big brother's. I am soooooo freakin' upset that I can't be there surrounded by both my big brothers and the 6 very rambunctious, hyper, totally awesome niece and nephews!!! It was going to be total chaos and I was going to love every minute of it!!!

Course, it was also going to be the first opportunity I had to cuddle and smooch all over my new nephew!! Now, I won't be able to hold him for at least 6-8 months - UGHHHHH!!!! My brother did tell me they would be down to the Texas South right before Christmas and would let me have all the nephew time I needed!!

And, yes, I do have the latest installment of my puppies to bore you with... It's a great illustration of the happy dance I will be doing post-surgery, after a recovery period... but I promise I won't post the video of me doing it... (unless it's really goooooood!)

Here's to the happy things in life!!

Worth a side note...

2008-11-12T16:59:00.000-08:00

Thank you Joan for directing my attention to the "Beer Theory" as it relates to MS! I laughed so hard I had to send an immediate email out to fam and friends about it!! Please, ENJOY!

Beer Theory

A HA HA HA HA!!!...

2008-11-12T15:21:00.001-08:00

I think I've outsmarted the blog.... Let's try and see if I can LINK the video of the puppies playing with the green monster! If this works I'm going to totally bore your asses off with other videos of the wonderful pups playing! Worst day ever? Watch puppies or babies - cure you right up!!!

IT WORKS! IT WORKS! IT WORKS! I'm now a poster on YouTube to do it, but dammit it's SOOOOOO worth it! Apparently it takes a bit for videos to get approval to be posted (mine took just over a day) so you'll be lucky to not be bored silly with videos on this post.... but as soon as I'm through with this post I'm headed back over for some more voyeuristic pleasure!!!

I had to switch colors because I'm about to go soooo off base of where I had originally started from... I've had to even catch up with myself! So, you see that word voyeuristic up there? I knew that was not the right word for UPLOADING images to have them being viewed so I went to trusty Google over there in my toolbar and typed in "fetish definitions"... and of course Wikipedia came up and gave a list of fetishes in alphabetical order... Notice I've linked the page in that because it was one of the funniest, most hysterical thing! Now, I investigate some of those things in that list and it's not the first time I've seen that list as I do hold BS in Psy... oops, I guess I meant to say I have a BS in Psy! HAHAHHAA

Seriously folks, I'm cracking my ass up over here!!!! I did not find anything, nada, nothing, ZIP relating to discovering that "it's sorta fun to post innocent stuff over there on youtube!" Course, if you're into any of that stuff listed on the linked page to Wikipedia above you should check out a similar website as youtube, but replace the first 3 letters with "red". Be prepared... Very adult material... again discovered through my investigations!

Back to the safeness of green! Meet with the doc tomorrow about my back. Had to come home early today from work because the pain meds I have don't come close to even slowing the pain down... Can't sleep now either because now both sides don't work and can't sleep on my back. Haven't lost my apetite of course, so the fact that I'm totally unable to work out yet still upload all the calories I want into my body... I will be joining a gym again after whatever we decide to do with my back to get access to a pool - I love the water! I so can't wait to go fishing again, and normally this would be a slow time for it but I got told last week that 2 15" reds were caught in the canal!!! Apparently there are some big ones out there that miss human companionship since IKE! I plan to remedy that very shortly!! : ]

Thank YOU!...

2008-11-11T14:42:00.000-08:00

To the many men and women, past and present, who have given their heart, sweat, tears, and lives to preserve our country! Both my grandfathers served in WWII: one in Army and one in Navy. My uncle served 2 tours with Army in Vietnam. One of my brothers was a Navy pilot during the Gulf Wars. My best friend's brother and his wife are currently in Germany with the Army - he has survived 2 tours in Iraq, 1 in Afganistan, and had a very harrowing experience in North Korea and his wife has done 1 tour in Iraq and will be going back there shortly. I have 2 co-workers, one still active and his wife retired, that lost their only son early last year during his 3rd tour in Iraq. I have had 2 co-workers/friends that have served between 1 and 3 tours in Iraq and Afganistan with the National Guard. I am very thankful for their service. I don't care if you support the US' actions overseas but always, ALWAYS, be thankful for those willing to sacrifice their lives to make sure you have the right to disagree publicly with those actions. [My favorite Super Bowl commercial of all time was the '06 Budweiser one showing the troops walking through an airport... here's the link.

Now, onto other matters. I've realized I've been flipping back and forth between trying to stay postive and giving into the negative. I've read a bunch of awesome posts lately from other MS bloggers that say it so much better than I could ever hope to say it... So, I'm going to mooch from them for this post. I want to include links to some of the posts that have hit a personal nerve (without any myelin deficient interference!)... I hope you enjoy them.

Amazing.... from Braincheese a letter about this CD

From Lazy Julie: She's got a bunch of good views of CD but read "The Spoon Story" story on the right side of the post, around 1/2 down... The good thing about that is isn't it always only the spoons left over from work when you forget your fork at home?

She might think the empire has gotten smaller but I think the strength of the force is still great!

My other half is now home and we're going to look at the revised insurance settlement paperwork we officially received today that covers EVERYTHING! Now the official snoopy dance can commence!

WTF?...

2008-11-10T15:52:00.000-08:00

Has anybody ever gotten through and gotten help about a problem with blogspot? I can't find anyway to actually contact a human via email and STILL cannot post my freakin' awsome video of my puppies playing with the green monster!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

I've decided my alternate name for MS.... CD - CRAPPY DISEASE! I will not use it sparingly either... cuz even when we're having great days with our multiple sclerosis we really can't relax cuz we know that day is quite possibly tomorrow! CD works no matter what!!! I'm a huge music lover so don't take it as hating on music - I own waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too many CD's even in the age of itunes (which will be the downfall of my pension!) I'm surprised I haven't bored y'all yet with numerous references to lines of lyrics that relate to my life in some past/present/future way.... And I listen to a little bit of everything but country is my main thing .... and I've been done wrong and own beachfront in Arizona!! : ] So, consider this as a warning for a future post...

CD CD CD CD CD CD!!! It just rolls off the tongue! I also just realized that it's not good to watch a very funny comedian (Ralphie May) and post at the same time.... but I'm going to move forward! Remember 2 posts ago when I was going on about the wonderful Texas blue skies.... it's in hiatus for the next couple of days. We're about to hit our "wet" season....which is just Texan for winter. Seriously, we needed the rain though... ever since Ike, we've only gotten a few inches of rain. Course, if you count the 20+ we got during the hurricane.... I love the rain and thunderstorms and the sound of heavy rain hitting my Jeep soft-top. My chocolate lab does not like the rain or the thunderstorms....she used to take it out on the blinds but we've since learned to pull them up so she can at least see outside. She has been known to take it out on any unprotected tennis shoes left in the living room or kitchen or any unsuspecting blankets... I've got her on her little doggie herbal anti-anxiety stuff I mix with her food and that has seemed to help. Didn't even come home to an accident today!!

Did not know this would be such a rambling post... I'm beginning to lose function of my right leg again... I got taught how to use a cane today in PT.... Go back to the doctor later this week - should be interesting... I'm sure it'll be another multiple, in-capitals CD post!

Later! : p

S)$(Q&#$(@&....

2008-11-09T12:49:00.000-08:00

Apparently I'm not the only one that's having issues loading videos in their posts... I went to the help blogs and I wasn't the first, nor will I be the last, to state their issues... And nobody had answered anybody yet... so I'll have to check back later...

WOO HOOO Texas Tech!!!! They stomped OSU!! Guns Up baby!! The Red Raiders are going to stop the Tide from rolling when they get the chance!! Then, the only issue will be if I'll be hosting the national championship party or one of my many Tech alum friends... we'll have to see!

Course, the Texans are sucking it up so bad right now I've changed the channel! I swear our quarterback doesn't know the difference between our wide receivers and the defense! And they're wearing PURPLE this week!!!!! AGHHHHHHHHHH!! Seriously, good thing my mood doesn't depend on the outcome of my teams... luckily I've grown past that (to an extent - I'm glad my Cowboys have a bye week cuz I don't think I could handle anymore of a drop in my depression!!!!)

I've been thinking about something lately. As MSers, we're all very thankful for our care-givers, especially in the many shapes they come in. I've got a work team that picks up my print-outs from the printer and does any general "errands" they can when I'm having a not-so-good balance day and they don't want to see the human pinball version of me walking between the cubicles... (it's actually sorta funny until I get home and see all the bruises on my arms and hips). I've got my family that watches me like a hawk anytime I'm around and doesn't let me do stuff still... I thought I'd finally overcome it, being the baby in the family and all... nope. Then, we have our loving partners, live-in roommates, or live-in family that take care of us. They actually get mad at US if we don't let them do stuff for us...

I don't have any two-legged kids (yet - to be determined in the future...) but there's ALOT of MSers out there that do have them. Parents are the ultimate care-givers... especially since that job never ends... My father is now caring for his parents who are no longer able to survive on their own (and my Nana - love her to death!!!!! - has gone completely off the deep end). Yet, he's still my dad and trying to be a care-giver to me.. He was going to come down and live with me for that month I was blind in that one eye and live in a hotel to do it... I luckily, for our relationship, talked him out of that but he wanted to do it. How do you handle being a care-taker and being a care-giver?

My partner also is a member of the autoimmune disorder team....with Crohn's Disease. We actually share some similar symptoms - joint pain, fatigue, general ugh-iness. Her current medicine that has her in remission is a pill that's currently being looked at for a possible oral medication for MS. We joke about competing hospital visits...although I've got a 3-1 edge on her right now.... not really something you really want to win, ya know? Anyways, I don't like it when I can't be all the care-giver I can be because MY autoimmune disorder prevents me from doing it... Her innards are giving her fits and she just needs to hang out on the couch... Groovy! I want to be able to be the one to get all the drinks, snacks, anything she needs me to bring her... but if then my hips decide they don't want to work that day - or I can't really move all that well because my back... I don't like it. I don't like not being able to give, to do for my care-taker.

How am I supposed to be able to be a partner if I can't give my share? How do I not become nothing but a taker when I want to give? I want to be able to do not only my share of household chores and general partnership duties but I also want to be able to take care of her when she needs it. I want to be able to do my part of providing. Of all the crap that this crappy disease takes away, I think it's the imbalance it creates that really hurts. I am one of those people that seeks out and needs affection and wants that other half around for everything. I'm not a loner - I'm a partner. I want to grocery shopping, errand-running, and vacationing with my better half. That's the way I'm built. But I do not want to drain my other half. I don't want to leave my other half needing more from me than I can provide. If I use all of it up, where does that leave me, her, our relationship? I bitch enough about the physical aspects of this illness because it's easier to take your frustrations out on the "visible" aspects... and makes it easier to ignore the "hidden" ones.... I just think the whole thing bites! I'm determined to outsmart this aspect of the disease... I'm working on the details of how to do it, but the main thing is I'm working on it!!!

This is why you live in Texas...

2008-11-08T12:09:00.000-08:00

Cuz the skies are this blue, no clouds, enough breeze to keep you cool... and plenty of football! Went and saw my middle nephew play football this morning. Had already seen the other 2 play a couple of weekends ago. Major bragging to ensue now... My nephew scored 4 of the 5 touchdowns scored by his team!!! WOOOO HOOOO!! He ran 2 in, caught a pass and ran in, and then recovered a fumble and ran it back for a touchdown!! MAJOR STUDLY!!! And, he's the smaller/faster one of my 2 SE TX nephews (not to be confused by my 3 N TX nephews!) and the "cool" one. I actually got a full hug today, which made me very priveledged! My oldest one is already taller than me and he threw for 2 touchdowns this morning and also ran one in... Playoffs start next week so it's going to be good, cold, football Saturdays coming up. They were all then headed to watch some HS football games this afternoon....

We're going to be watching Texas Tech continue their awesome run to a national championship tonight!! Friends coming over to yell at the TV with us!! It's going to be tough but we'll make it through... Love football!!!

I'm going to try and post my green monster video with the puppies again.... and it's not freakin' working!! AGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I'm going to try and post it on the side... must share the fun with you! And I've tried for the last 2 hours to upload it... I will not give up!!!! I am not a quitter! It'll have to wait... for a bit!

Friday!...

2008-11-07T18:25:00.000-08:00

Stayed home from work today to sleep. Slept last night but needed more. Slept til 245 this afternoon. Could go to sleep right now at 830 and sleep til tomorrow at 245. I think the rest of my body is pissy with my back... I think the rest of my body is saying "screw you" to my back.. I think the rest of my body, really meaning my MS, is jealous of my freakin' back. I think my MS is pissy because I'm not paying it any attention. First, I take away it's tizanidine. Then, I replace it with vicodin. I don't think MS likes pain meds.... I think it would rather have a yummy fatigue medicine or my spatisicty meds back instead of boring pain meds. I mean, come on, everybody's on some type of pain med.... but you have to be really special to get on some of the MS meds we have access to!! That's my theory anyways... Enough of that! I did make a follow-up appointment my neurosurgeon yesterday and will go next week. I'm not doing surgery ... there's going to be a middle option...

Okay, so I have some really good footage of the pups playing with the green monster... and I've tried 3 times to upload it onto the site.... I'll try again tomorrow. I need to get some quality time in with the other half since I slept the day away!!!

WARNING!...

2008-11-06T18:37:00.000-08:00

Rambling nonsense and verbal effusion about to ensue... There is absolutely no point to this point. Nada. Nothing. If something shiny pops in front of my face I'm likely to change topics mid-sentence (goes back to why I like the "...." so much!!!)

Had a crazy busy work week! UGH! One of those weeks you like because it's Friday tomorrow and I swear it was just Monday morning. One of those weeks you hate because you barely had time to eat lunch or even think during the week!! And, being what my profession is, busy is not good for me. I'm like the antithesis of what you want to be busy (and I just re-read that sentence and realize how ridiculous it is, but that's why I'm keeping it...Have I mentioned lately how much I like blogging??? LAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)

SHINY THING!!! Watching Friends reruns on TV. That is the one show I can equate with anything in life!! So funny! Who was your favorite Friend? My favorite girl was Monica...although I was known as Phoebe my freshman year in college. No comments! My favorite boy was always Chandler. Gotta love cute smart-asses! Sarcasm, done right, is sooooo yummy sometimes...

Another SHINY THING!! Lovable pooch running around with new dog toy that's as big as her!! So, it's a frog/spider thingy with 8 legs and it makes a really good squeaky sound. It's literally the size of the front part of her body! And she's been running around like crazy, squeaking it, and making the legs go all around her body... teasing the other puppy with it! I'll have to try and get a picture of it - hilarious!!!

Had to go rescue a friend tonight... abandoned in the galleria area of town having gotten out of a person's vehicle and refused to get back in. I don't blame her. That other person is Basic Instinct psycho!!!!!!!!!!! Good thing my friend does not have rabbits or any other pets! So, that was 2 hours in the car that we'll never get back. You can't bitch too much, cuz that's what friends are for... and she'd turn around and do the same dang thing for us! Course, I'm happy to be drama-free now... There are points in your life (when you're younger and stupider!) that you think it's not life if there's no "drama" but then you grow up and get smarter and realize it was the drama that life can always do without!! Then, puppies with green things taking up their entire mouth come running at you and you realize that's what life is about!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Course, nookie's good too!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA SHINY THING!! Course, isn't that always a shiny thing? You can be all serious in a meeting or with family and then BANG - nookie thought! You can't help it. See, it even distracted me from blogging!!

Back in the real world.... and I didn't even realize what a great transition that line would actually be. MS - doing good. Pretty tired most of the time and I think I'm going through a "fatigue" phase but I'm getting through it and caffeine is my best friend right now.... Back - double, horrible big freakin' : p~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Have a follow-up appointment with the neurosurgeon next week. I don't think the PT is working... now , have I been as good about doing my stuff at home but when you get home and the back hurts.... WTF? Anyways... I'm going to see if there's an in-between option between PT and surgery... I dunno. The allmighty internet says there are some pain-therapies that can be tried but it seems like it just dulls the pain to make life easier.... course, isn't that the solution? To make it where your life is not disrupted?? Enough about that - I'm sick of talking, bitching, whining, doing general discourse about it...

No, I wasn't reading the word of the day toilet paper today... I go through my SAT moments.... My verbal kicked ass (but I really don't know how much lower my math could have gone since you didn't have to repeat your name!) Shessh, have I bored myself enough? Probably. Tomorrow's Friday!! WOOO HOOOO!!

Good thing I'm about to end anyways, cuz I'm watching one of those funniest video shows and there's some funny stuff! I always thinks the animals are the funniest, cuz there's really no way to be planned or staged!

Hey, did you notice I put a new comedian over there in the video bar? He's Gabriel Igleasis.... Google his name or watch some of those videos!! Again, you can watch a butt load of his stuff on YouTube! He's got some bits about being pulled over by the popo that bring me to snot and tears!!! In such a good way!! Notice I'm a bit heavy on the metaphors tonight? Skydiving just came though..... I want to do that at some point - before I'm doing a copy of W Sr. Oooooh, have you seen the previews for the movie Twilight? It's based on Stephanie Meyers books... I cannot wait!!!!!!!

Okay, seriously, wrapping up right now. Right this second. I'm done. Finito. That's a wrap. Off-duty. End of shift. Crapped out. Later alligator!

An American's Duty...

2008-11-04T18:16:00.001-08:00

Is to vote. I don't care who you vote for (my buddy over at http://texas2tennessee.blogspot.com/2008/10/throwing-you-curve-ball.html says it much better than me) but you need to vote! I did... I didn't cash in for my free cup of Starbucks, Chik-fil-a sandwich, or scoop of Ben & Jerry's. I did it because that's what you're supposed to do. I'm refusing to watch any TV tonight or go to any internet site that has any reporting capabilities of the election... which is EXTREMELY hard to do at this point! I can't check my email on the computer because Y has nothing but election coverage.

I voted for 1 of 2 people for president. I'm not going to say which one. I'll do my duty as a citizen and stand behind the leader of our free country. I might or might not be happy about it. My big thing is this... No Vote = No Bitch! So, no matter which man ends up in the office I can be a big ol' whiney butt about their policies - cuz I voted! I am glad I don't live in the county in which I work however because our new district attorney, no matter which person it is, is going to be horrible and going to "fix" a lot of things that do not need "fixing". SHEESH!! Course, that might have a big impact on my job... but not too much. I know I'm going to lose a couple of my friends in the prosecutor's office that are going to either go to the dark side (defense attorney) or get with another agency.

Now, onto really important matters... I woke up the other night gasping for air... It was about an hour after my C shot so I don't think it was that weird side effect that supposedly hits around the 3rd year on it. Now I'm noticing that I'm getting these "quickies" in deep breath gasps every now and then.... Not enough to be concerned about it but enough to cause me to blog about it (obviously!) Just needed to get it off my 'chest'... AHAHAHAH I didn't even plan that one!

Then, I had a really pissy day at work. No real reason for it, but you know those days that just make you want to run screaming from the building? Yeah, one of those. Again, no real reason for it. Had fun teaching the cadets at the academy yesterday. None of them fell asleep on me or my partner so that was a good thing! Ran into a buddy of mine who's going to be working for a former boss of both of our's... It will be interesting!

OH, UPDATE ON THE SNOOPY DOG BATTLE! WE WON!!! I told you it was on like donkey-kong! Truth be told, it really wasn't much of a fight. They received my well written letter detailing the faults of their plan and my corrections last Monday. Yesterday, an adjuster supervisor came to the house and AGREED WITH US! He was pissed because he said this was the 3rd one he'd done in the past week in which the original adjuster had seriously fubar'd up their report. So, we should be hearing something by the end of this week. I got to call the fence guy today and tell him to put us on the schedule. And, the adjuster supervisor got our roofer's name (who came to the meeting for us as he understood our argument that he does not get any $ if we don't get any $!) and said he would deal directly with us!

I'm now doing the SNOOPY DANCE!!

We might even get all the stuff done before Thanksgiving.... apparently we've missed the rush that most people were yelling for and could probably have the fence done next week, the roof about 10 days later, and the gutters right after that... course, then we have to get the bedroom carpets and kitchen floor after that!!!!!!!!! Ok, so we won't be hosting turkey day this year ... now it's just seeing if Christmas Eve will be back in Galveston like it should!
Keep your fingers crossed!!

Whew... been busy...

2008-11-01T14:03:00.000-07:00

I want to look as good as Tina Turner when I'm 68 years old!!! That was the best concert I've ever seen in my life! And I'm a concert-goer who has been to some good concerts! Garth in 2001 was amazing! But this was a phenomenal, extraordinary, wonderful performance from a personal favortie of mine! Supposedly she was also my first concert when I was around 2-3 years old. My mom told me and she and her 2nd husband took me to a Tina Turner concert and they had front row seats. Supposedly I was asleep for most of the concert, curled up in a ball, and supposedly (based on my mom's telling) I was the focus of Tina Turner's attention for a few seconds when she asked how anyone could sleep through her concert.... She played for over 2 1/2 hours, including a 25 minute version of Proud Mary! Spectacularly awesome!! I took a picture with my new phone... It's hard to see but part of the stage came up and became a plank to go out over the crowd and she was dancing all over it... Best Legs Ever!

So, that was Monday night. Then, I got a great call from my cousin JP and he was in town for work. Now, he's around 8 hours older than me and we've taken our first steps together, our early tastes of adult beverages together, and lots of mayhem in Little Rock growing up! But, like so often happens, LIFE happens and time gets away from us and we don't call or write enough. It doesn't matter with us though... we're always full of hugs and lots of laughter and feels like we just saw each other the week before. We had two wonderful nights together, catching up, and getting re-acquainted with each other since it had been about 3 1/2 years since we saw each other last. He's such a great man! I love him sooo much (and I'm not just saying this cuz I actually gave him the link to this blog!!!!)!!

So, that was Tuesday and Wednesday nights. Actually didn't have anything Thursday night but pretty much came home, ate and passed out due to the late previous 3 nights!! Course, Friday night... HALLOWEEN BABY!!! That is my absolute fave holiday of the year! Hard to guess one of my favortie colors is Orange - the kick-ass color of my kick-ass Jeep Wrangler (with a black top of course!) Our neighborhood has a ton of kids that come around and so we buy mucho candy and pass it out by the handful... this year it was actually a little less, and I think it's because it was a Friday night and people have parties and church's have get-togethers.. We ended up in a neighbor's yard drinking beer and laughing and talking for a little longer after no more visits by goblins! Besides candy, I found a recipe for a Monster Brew and was handing out little cups of it with gummy worms in it!! It was a mixture of OJ, sprite, lime sherbert, white grape juice, and some green food coloring - made it a very nice baby-poop green!!!! The kiddos loved it and some of the parents also found it a bit fun. Course, I was also offering an "adult" version of it with the vodka underneath my chair!!! LOL

Now, today... a very good day. I'm feeling pretty good, I've got a great honey, some very wonderful 4 legged kiddos - and we moved my partner's parents back home to Galveston Island today!!! We have taken back control of our house! Now, they were wonderful to have around and I'm actually going to have to get used to the quiet again... and going to have to cook dinner during the week again!! AHAHHAHAH Course, today was the first time back to the island for us... very depressing. I can't imagine seeing it even a couple of weeks ago, as the in-laws said that a lot of debris had been picked up. It was so brown with all the grass and trees and shrubs dead from the salt water soaking it got. The tons and tons and tons of sand where it should not be... But, there were some smiles to be had as well as there were a lot of people working and rebuilding and getting life back on track.

Sheesh, maybe I should've posted a warning label at the beginning of this post to warn you about the needless data that would be posted!!!!! Life is good. It pretty much always is, with the ups and downs, but my life is hunkey-dorey! I'm very thankful!!

Big Yawn...

2008-10-24T18:29:00.000-07:00

I'm soooo staying away from the wing-ding choice.... not even getting within 4 choices!!! : p

I love Fridays. Payday Fridays are even better. Payday Fridays, 2 beers with dinner - great. Payday Fridays, 2 beers with dinner, with family - awesome!!

So, I didn't really have anything to type about so I was going to just blabber. Course, it's still not something to rush to your computer and go OMG! Then, you gotta love some of the positive sides for MS... never a dull moment! I'm sitting in bed, checking all the blogs and sites I take hits off of... I'd already changed positions once cuz my particular brand of spasticity likes to piss off my pectoral and latismus dorsi muscle groups... : ] I like to show off my halfway completed masters in biomechanics!!! I didn't survive A&P class for nothing!!!!!! [anyways, my chest & mid-back muscles that wrap around your sides]

Anyhows, I thought the change in position might help it calm a little bit down - it sometimes works. Whether or not it's a mental thing.. don't really give a rat's patootie! This time, it doesn't work. My honey complains a lot if I'm sitting on the couch next to her and they start going - I don't always feel it but she always does. So, I had her put her hand on the spot that was going nuts and asked her if that was what she kept feelin. Nope. Not it. So she gets "cute" and acts like she was going to punch it. I tell her to go ahead - it might help. She punches it. And punches it. And punches it. And punches it. And punches it. Get where I'm going here? Not too hard of a leap, huh?

After about a 30, 40 , maybe even a 60 count I calmly turned around and asked if all the aggression was out? L laughed and said almost. A few more counts and then it stopped. Slowly. A few more punches.... What brought about this tempest of rage? This explosion of violence? Well, the main reason is we got first word of our so called "insurance settlement". Let's just say I cracked up laughing - it was so horribly pitiful!!!!!!!! Quick reminder - Hurricane Ike came through on 9/12. We had 60+ mph winds at our house for over 12 hours. We had more than 50% of our roof shingles lifted up, will not re-seal, and all has debris underneath the shingles.... here's a quick laugh as how hysterical the insurance company is? They gave us $189 for 12 shingles. Let me tell you how I'm laughing my ass of, crying from how funny it is, can't breathe cuz I'm laughing so hard.

So, needless to say, the gauntlet's been thrown!! It is SO ON LIKE DONKEY-KONG!!! I've always been a fan of Charles Shultz, but the dog's going down this time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Head twirling, making zaps...

2008-10-22T13:14:00.000-07:00

(and I made sure not to accidentally select wingdings font like I have a few times in the past!!!) :p

I'm not a scardy-cat (OMG - how the hell do you spell that word?) but there are some things I've been scared of for a while. Like, anything that buzzes and flies at the same time... bees & wasps and the big horse-flies that can confuse me for a sec make me freeze. It's a true phobia. I was stung 6-7 times in my eye by yellow-jackets that had built a nest in my mother's lovely shag carpeting when I was 2 years old. I lost sight for a bit but got it back.. too bad I didn't remember that feeling for my bout with ON. Anyhows, forget BOO making me jump, but BZZZZ will make me shut down and squeal like a girl!! *SHIVER* Even being the 30-something adult I am now, I'm reduced to a little 2 yo crying if I can't get to a safe place quick enough. It doesn't help that I should have an epi pen on me since I'm also very allergic...

I've gotten over my fear of needles - a good thing about having to give yourself a shot everyday!! LOL I would think that I wouldn't need to replace an overcome fear with a new one, but apparently my brain feels "left out" with a space to fill in that lobe.. (dunno which lobe - don't remember that part of my neuropsych class). But, it has been replaced with a fear of FEVERS!! OMG - are you freakin' kidding me?!??!?! I almost have an aversion to thermometers because of it... Why? I've been admitted to a hospital everytime my fever has gotten over 100... ever since MS. I mean, I know our core temp should be regulated and we can't do a bunch of stuff we used to love outside, but seriously? I've missed a few days of work cuz of a stoopid migraine with a fever... luckily hasn't hit 100 or L would have already had me in the doc's office.

Seriously, fevers?!?!? I mean, come on!!!! Yet, here I go, starting to shake in my socks again (not wearing shoes) cuz I can feel my temp rising as I type this... 99.2 Sheesh. Time for more tylenol. I feel like I should just start walking around in my cooling vest to try and trick my body... ya know? I'm not talking "fear" in the common sense, but everytime I take that damn thing out of my mouth... I pause to wonder just what's in store for me based on that number... My normal temp is around 98.2 or .4. I can always tell when my temp gets a little too high because that's when my legs go nuts spazzing out, and my chest/rib muscles follow along...

Dang, I didn't mean for this post to be a rant or whine. I was just stating another lovely aspect of MS (still working on that "other word") I promised my boss I'd be back at work tomorrow with donuts (HGAHAHAHAHHAA - you know you laughed at that if you remember what I do for a living... I always love walking down the hallway at work with a Shipley's bag!!) and Sonic drinks. I also promised no more missed days for work until at least between Turkey day and Christmas. I'll make good on that promise - I can do it when I set my mind to it and my body has been behaving pretty good lately. So, I am setting my mind to it. No more missed work!! That's my motto for the next couple of weeks... it'll help that the weather will also be a little cooler for the bayou city as the fall has set in here...

Ready for it... highs in the 70s and lows in the 50s - We're freezin' baby!!! AHAHAHAHAHHA Seriously, it is some of the prettiest days in Texas during that time. Too cool for the mosquitos as well, so it'll be nice to be able to hang outside...

Okay, enough for today... daytime tv sucks and I finished my latest book and have 1 more in the series... Anybody read the Stephanie Meyers vampire series??? SOOOOOO GOOOODD! Highly recommended by my 16 yo niece but I've enjoyed them... good character stories...

Okay, seriously, I'll end my babbling now. Catch ya later!!!

I'd like to thank...

2008-10-19T17:59:00.000-07:00

All those who supported me through the rough times! HAHAHAHAHAHA

I just received my first blog award! WOO HOO!! Here it is....

YEAH!!! I love it!! I'm supposed to then pass along the prestige to 10 of the people's blogs that have Attitude! WOO HOO! So, considering how I'm just an infant in this wide world web I haven't
really established long roots in this world but I do have 11 over to that side bar over there - There's the blog portion of the ActiveMSers website that's pretty cool! And, my buddy's blog from Texas to Tennesse is soooo totally rockin' and has nothing to do with MS - unless she's talking about me or some random musings...

Anyways, thank you Lisa over at Brass and Ivory - it's coming right back atcha! So, here's the rules...

* Put the logo on your blog or post.
* Nominate at least 10 blogs which show great Attitude and/or Gratitude!

* Be sure to link to your nominees within your post.

* Let them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog.

* Share the love and link to this post and to the person from whom you received your award.

Okey dokes - Had a great weekend! Went and saw Jeff Dunham in concert last night - hilarious!! Needed to laugh out loud like that and it was sooooo great! It was new material and very funny! Seriously, google the name and LUAO!!! Had the house all to ourselves for the first time since Ike hit.... 6 weeks ago now. My partner's parents are probably going to be staying with us until the end of this month. They now have water but no power or gas at the beach house. It's still very cool though.. Barely notice they're here and it was actually very quiet without them...

Fixed the fence so that we can let the dogs outside without them going cavorting through the drainage ditch after tunneling through the orange plastic fencing! Amazing what a little lattice work can do to block pups inside the yard! They liked the beautiful weather this weekend as well - having the door open to let them roam in and out.

By the way, it was a great MS weekend as well. My MS has actually been acting very well - I think it's being gracious and letting my back have all the fun!! AHAHAAHA Seriously, am taking the pain meds and they are working out. I just don't want to become Dr. House - I love that show because he would be exactly the type of person I would never hang out with... That's exactly what I do not want to become. Do you love him on TV? Yes. Do you understand he's a good guy and is just in extreme pain at the end of the shows? Yes. But he's a character that none of us really want to become... addicted to pain meds to keep himself emotionally numb to not add to the physical pain he experiences everyday. He figures he goes through enough physical pain that he does not want to open himself open to any emotional pain...

I know that I'm nowhere close to being anywhere near to that type of person... but it's still a scary thought. Course, my doc didn't give me near enough of them to start me down that path. I was told to continue with PT and call him back in a couple of weeks. Thanks for putting up with the whining about the pain... I'm getting my reactions to it under control. That's one of the biggest lessons from MS that I'm continually learning - adaptation. My baseline keeps getting adjusted due to the dagnabbit disease and I'm having to make the adjustments to fit it into my life. What I don't want to have happen is to have my life fit into it... I know it may come down to point where that has to happen, but I can still make it a very small part of it. Besides, I was always the type that had to rearrange the furniture in my bedroom every couple of months growing up... I guess this is the big guy's (or gal's) way of having a sense of humor... Let's see how she'll rearrange this... Chuckling ensues and I get to establish a new norm... Good think I like irony!!!

By the way, I'm sorta getting sick of continually typing MS.... I'm going to try and think of a new name for it... something not too complicated but not totally vulgar (cuz I only want to use MFMS when it's really called for!!!) I've seen some funny stuff on some other blogs and I appreciate their names... Just warning you now that I see a potential theme for the next little bit - it's made it past the damaged neurons!!!

I'm a wimp...

2008-10-16T17:59:00.000-07:00

And I know it. I've been "clumsy" all of my life.... well, let me clarify that. If it was a sliding grab of the softball stopping it from going into center field - done, with the runner thrown out. If it was a run down with a dive with my arm stretched to the max to get the volleyball up within inches of hitting the court - done! But, stepping out of the dugout to walk to my position at 2nd base sometimes posed a problem, as well as walking back to serve the ball in volleyball. THEN - I had 2 left feet and 3 arms and none of them could stop my falls.

Course, I wonder now how much of that was pre-MS? That type of stuff didn't start until I was in my later teens. The first time they ever found lesions on an MRI was in my cervical spine after I hurt my back during an altercation at work. I then semi-lost feeling in both my arms, with tingly/zipper sensations along the "bottom" part of my arms from my shoulder to my fingers, with no feeling in either hands' pinky and ring finger. I was told by that neuro that I should get yearly MRI scans to follow-up to make sure it was not MS but that the symptoms matched my injury to a T so just thought it was injury-related. [didn't do the yearly follow-up and the diagnosis was 7 years later]

But, back to me being a wimp. So, my back has it in for me. It's determined to prove to me just how important it is, and just what I cannot do without it. Remember my not requesting of pain meds when I met with the neurosurgeon? Well, I sucked it up and called his nurse today. This pain is not fun. It's not horrible - but I'm scared it will progress there. My back is one constant spasm. At first it was just in my lower back. Now, the whole freakin' back! Those shooting pains down my leg that were very intermintent through the day only a couple of weeks ago - getting closer to common through the hour. (Actually it's there already).

I keep asking myself if I would still be feeling this pain if they hadn't told me about the "injury". Ever wonder about that? Would I still be as immobilized right now if I didn't know I had the diagnosis in my back? Or, would I just think I was having a little muscle cramp in my back and the heating pad would make it all go away? I dunno - I feel like I'm the biggest wimp ever. Surely, this pain isn't as bad as I'm feeling it? I'm a big believer in mental power. My college coach was a big believer in it as well - I still have a reminder of her positive power of thought ideas on my keychain to this day. When it's one of those days that you HAVE to get to work because you HAVE to do that meeting/presentation/interview because you HAVE to not miss that dinner and break anymore plans. We get through those days. Can I get through this? Yes, I can. I will. Do I want to? No, I don't. I don't want to endure anymore PT and I definately don't want to risk surgery? Will I be able to avoid any of that, I don't know.

Will I make it through anything I go through? Yes, I will. I know it. I have faith I will. I know I've got more years of lots of physical activity ahead of me. I know I have many years of playing with my pups, painting rooms in my house, and possibly playing with some 2-legged people in my house. So, bring it on. Am I a wimp? Yes, I cry at certain commercials and all the sappy movies and I feel pain - physical and emotional. Is it stronger than me, no. I just needed to whine about it a little bit. Get it on the outside so I could see how puny it really is. I'm going to snuggle in bed with my honey now and read a few pages of my book before I go to bed. That's the good stuff!! That's why I know I can't be too much of a wimp with that kind of support!

Why do some people...

2008-10-13T19:23:00.000-07:00

Not take pride in their work? Is it so much to ask? I think about this sometimes. Sometimes it's prompted by stupid people at work that don't know how to do their basic jobs. (which, in my line of work, can seriously hurt themselves or others!) Sometimes it's prompted by stupid customer service people that don't understand the idear behind that (Comcast, anyone?!?!? GRRRR!) Sometimes it's prompted by thoughts of one day not being able to do my job which I love ... as all of us with the MS probabilty of anything being possible (in a good/bad, love/hate way).

So, when it's combined with having a pissy day at my body but unable to just hang out at home and having to go to work to listen to STOOPID people at work delivering a very bad message. I just don't get it. If you're good at your job, then you must be doing something right. Yet, delivering information to other co-workers in a shared profession, wouldn't you think that would be easier than delivering the same information to non-co-workers? If that same investigator - and I wish there was a way to lighten that word for the person I'm referring to - delivered the message to non-classified personnel, I'm pretty sure he'd be fired. Even with our union/civil service protections - he'd be gone. And, I'm not sure that would help our city because I've heard he's a good investigator - but some of the stuff that came out of his mouth was STOOOOPID!!! Get my drift?

I became "liscensed" to teach other law enforcement people last year. We had to go through a class to do it - required by the state. It was actually a good class. I enjoyed it and learned from it. I might have to teach my subject matter to my fellow co-workers at some point (I'm the back-up right now and the woman teaching it is my hero... superwoman!!) so it might be a while. And, I'm a bit of a smart-ass. I'm sarcastic. I'm going to make jokes - but not at the expense of something I believe in and truly enjoy being a part of. I'll sacrifice myself, but I WILL NOT sacrifice the kiddos I help to protect. Do some of those kids lie? Yes. Are some of those lies horrible and cause great pain? Yes. Does it piss me off to no end when that happens, especially if (wo)man hours are wasted on it? YES! But, I will not lump those few pissy, crappy, awful kids with the rest of the kids I help - and I still can't totally blame some of those kiddos (if they're young enough to be redeemed) because it's obviously a LEARNED behavior.

Again, I'm ranting on my soap-box tonight because I had to sit in a very uncomfortable auditorium chair for the day - which made my back spasm the whole day and made PT this afternoon very painful. Again, some of the later presenters (my fellow co-workers) were boring and not the best at teaching but they did not sacrifice their topics at the sake of their victims. My LT was in the class as well and he was actually slack-jawed a couple of times with what the one guy was saying - and my boss is not easily made slacck-jawed!!

Okay, deep breath, I'm climbing off the box to sit back and let the heating pad on my back take effect. I just needed to get that off my chest. I've got a week of this dang in-service classes - any of y'all that have to have CEUs and required classes understand how bad this can be. I'll try to deconstruct my soap box for this week ... you'll know how bad it'll have to be for me to climb back on!!!

Ahhh, Sundays....

2008-10-12T10:27:00.000-07:00

Great for doing nothing but sitting on the couch, watching football, and reading a book. And doing all those things at once, while playing on the computer. Anybody get Columbus day off? While I am a civil servant, we do not get that day off of work. Our credit union is closed, since they are off, and I won't get any mail, since they're off... but I can't gripe too much. I get the other major holidays off.

I will be sitting on my butt getting educated all week in in-service classes. So, I will be fighting sleeping in class in other words. In my time in the department, there's only been a few required in-service classes that were actually worth my time. I talked about one earlier in my online history, and there have been a few others like it. At least I'll be in class with my work partner and one of my supervisors... who always has great stories about some member of her family, or herself! LOL She's got a crazy family!
I do have to wake up earlier than normal to drive up to the north side of town. UGH!

Nothing else going on... don't really have anything to "say" today. My MS seems to be behaving lately. My back doesn't really like me at all right now. I'm doing my exercises (well, not yet today but I will) and all I'm feeling is more tightness, spasms, and pain. I did do 4 exercises on Friday with my PT. WOO HOO!! Maybe I'll work up to 5 tomorrow! We went to dinner last night with a new friend... it was very fun. We laughed out booties off! Everyone was so nice - met a lot of new people as well and ran into some people I hadn't seen in a while. There was a comedian there and she was very funny! Of course, we were part of the "loud" table - which is always where I want to be!!

Well, I'm off to yell at the tv some more. The Texans are not playing that great right now.... but then the important game is on at 3 - when my Cowboys play! Hopefully they'll have pulled their heads out of their butts from last week and can beat the cardinals!

Why do the people in charge of making you feel better...

2008-10-08T19:00:00.000-07:00

most of the time, in the beginning, always make you feel worse?!??! I guess it's one of the mysteries of life... *sigh*

Had my first PT appointment this afternoon. I liked her, she was very nice and liked to answer the "whys" and very direct. I think a large portion of my sarcasm might be lost on her, but not everyone is as smartassy as me. I got through... {drum roll please} 3 exercises. That's right. I got through 3. Tres. Trois. Drei. Tpn. Drie. Tre. (Had enough of freetranslation.com?)

I'll be doing the same 3 exercises on Friday. Might have up to 2 more, but she said to be patient. Want to know the real punchline? It took me 45 mins to do those simple 3 exercises... I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that I can no longer consider myself athletic... There's no way in hell I can do that with the way I'm moving right now. I want to scream at the world... I USED TO RUN 3-5 MILES A DAY!! AT AN 8 MIN PACE!! I USED TO MT BIKE THE HO CHI MIN TRAILS IN MEMORIAL PARK FOR 45 MINS TO AN HOUR AND THEN RIDE 3 MILES HOME!! I USED TO DO A FREE WEIGHT WORKOUT FOR AN HOUR!!! I USED TO BE ABLE TO DO MORE >50 PUSHUPS WITHOUT STOPPING (WHICH WAS GOOD FOR ME!lol) THIS FREAKIN' SUCKS!!

Okay, I can't freakin' help it - IT FUCKIN' SUCKS!!!

Okay, I feel better now. I'm actually in quite a bit of pain right now but that's what the pain meds are for. Anybody watch Bones tonight? It was good but the message in it was great. I actually teared up. Sad, yes, and I'm not even PMSing.

I like the way it was framed. It was about the fact that God is more concerned about what's inside - your soul. It's not about what's on the outside. Take off your "covers" and just show what's underneath. It doesn't matter if you're black, white or brown... straight, gay, transgendered.... rich, poor, in-between... Democrat, Republican, or Kinky (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA) What matters is what's in your heart and soul. How do you treat people? How do you treat yourself?

I'm one of those people that does not lack in fatih... you can't have survived my life and not had faith. But I can't say it's because of God and mean it in any concrete form.. by that I mean, I can't identify as Baptist, Catholic, or Jewish, but I also can't say definatively that I'm Christian - I believe in heaven and hell, but not in the constructs presented to me in any temple, church, or synagogue. I have faith in the basic faith of humanity. I believe there is evil in the world and it's not as strong as the good that is out there. I bow my head in prayer and I raise my eyes to the sky.

Whatever you call HIM OR HER is your choice. We live in a country that allows us...wait, I'm sorry, GRANTS us that right by the Constitution. Our men and women are losing their lives to defend that right (whether you agree with the politics or war - it's true). I think I'm pretty good at showing my true colors all the time... the messed up rainbow that it is. I don't expect or want everyone to like me - that's too boring. I love all the different personalities that are out there.

Luckily enough, I've found a partner that I mesh with in heart, mind, body and soul... I have a wonderful set of friends that provide so many wonderful colors to me... and a wonderful family that adds even more brilliance. Besides, if you never had black, how would you how to appreciate white?????

Just rambling...

2008-10-06T18:18:00.000-07:00

Purple - good color. It's one of my best friends' favorite colors. Warning - if you're going to finish reading this particular post, don't expect anything close to making sense... Lots of those, the "..." thingys... which are pretty cool if you use them. I like them a lot.. they're that unspoken "pause" in writing that can't always be taken.... see? wasn't that pefect?

Ever watch that tv show "Chuck"? I love it - he's such a cutie!! He's vulnerable, goofy, and stumbley... in such an original way that he makes it fun to be a geek! Course, I am a bit of a nerd... My office uses me as the grammar police - they ask me to proof-read some of their stuff every now and then. I know that makes my mom proud.... realizing I could still diagram a complex sentence properly. How sad is that? Extremely, and I know it - and my honey still loves me anyways!! Really, she doesn't have any room to talk since she does mathmatical equations in her head to make herself go to sleep!!! I'm not that bad!!

What about beer? I used to not be any type of a beer drinker... that used to be my sign. If I was drinking beer - friends were drawing straws to see who was holding my hair back while praying to the porcelin goddess later that night (or morning if it was that bad!) Now, I dunno - they say your taste buds change as you get older, right? My latest favorite is Corona Light - 2 limes. YUMMERS! And, it makes spastic legs soooo much easier to deal with.

I probably should be headed off to bed now - I've gotta be at work very early tomorrow morning. UGH! See ya latro!

Ike pics...

2008-10-04T10:24:00.000-07:00

Back yard... Luckily that missed the back porch.
This was the tree in front yard... again, lucky it went away from the house.
The sunrise on the 14th... how this is so beautiful - blocking all the destruction off to the sides.

Estimates...

2008-10-04T10:07:00.000-07:00

Ever need estimates on home or auto repair? You call and schedule the free in-home consultation. They tell you why their product is so great, better than the other ones. Then, you decide where your personal give and take points are and what you're willing to sacrifice. It's not necessarily a horrible process, but it's not exactly stress-free dealings either.

We've started the estimate process after Ike. We got the roof done today and are faxing it off to our adjuster. To borrow a great phrase from Tommyboy - HOLY SHNIKEYS! Course, we can't do anything until we get the roof done... since the gutter people can't do anything based on the old roof, and we won't fix our ceiling if the roof's going to leak during next week's forecast rains, and won't do the carpet until the other stuff is done. Sheesh!!!

I'm not as stressed as I thought I'd be during this though, since I feel like I sort of do that a lot with having MS. Like, when you're first diagnosed and are told your treatment options... Do you want to possibly suffer through the "flu" every other day? Do you want to do a shot every day? Do you want to deal with that horribly long needle once a week? What are you willing to sacrifice to still feel comfortable with your choice afterwards... and how hard is it to change your mind? Obviously, when we get the roof we chose on - LOL - not going to be so easy to change that!! But, it wasn't hard for me to change from treatment B to treatment C for me.

I met with my neurosurgeon this week. (Didn't ever think that type of doc was in my future!) Luckily, I liked him a lot - he's very straightforward and a bit of a smart-ass! And, he does NOT want to cut me open immediately. He agreed that I was too young to have that bad of a degenerated disc (with slight protrusion) but he was glad to see that I still had pretty good movement and not a lot of pain. I refused pain meds at this time.... I hate how they make you feel (and plug you up - UGH!). So, we're going with a month of PT. All I need is to shrink my inflamation 1-2 mm. Tiny little millimeters... About the size of "." in the body. That much little space will make my life a lot better. Amazing!

Course, if he had immediately said surgery - I might have taken his word for it but still gotten another "estimate" for my body. As it is, I'll go make friends with a physical therapist next Wednesday and work on getting my body back to "work-out-able" condition. I miss being physically active!! This has nothing to do with MS - but that sorta pisses me off. I mean, isn't MS enough to worry about without having a totally separate problem too???? *Shrug* Oh well, that's me. If it's not one thing, it's usually another. I'll just get hugs from my L, the pups, and my friends and no it'll all be all-righty!!!

The 1st of October...

2008-10-01T12:21:00.000-07:00

Okay, life is returning to normal and I'm hoping to get back to a little more "blogging" normal. The adjuster had come and gone (need a new roof, new gutters, new fence, new flooring) and are now waiting on the insurance settlement offer. In a catch-22 where we now have to replace the roof, no matter how much $ they give us, because they've noted damage. Oh, well... the roof's 16 years old and it's better for resale value; not that we're going anywhere soon, but this isn't going to be our retirement home!

Back to work in my normal hours, with my normal (well, not really) co-workers, and all the goings-ons there. Where did September go? Ike took it along with everything else. Some GREAT news: I became an Aunt again (for the 8th time!).... Zack was born on 9/29 (I was hoping to share my bday today!!) at 7lbs 7 ozs, just under 21". He's the 3rd boy to my middle brother and they told me they are not going to try for a girl... which is fine, since my oldest brother has a girl and my step-brother does too... I was the only female grand-child in my family and loved being spoiled-ass rotten.. in a very good way of course!!! I can't wait to get up and see my newest family member!! I have a close friend/co-worker that has been trying to have a baby for a while and got a very early initial good news from her doc - we gotta wait til the 17th to find out for sure.... I'm keeping my positive thoughts cenetered on her!!

Have my appointment with my neurosurgeon tomorrow to discuss my L-spine MRI issues. They called today to confirm the appointment and it was an actual human being, and not the computerized reminder, so I figured it was very important... it was actually my normal neuro's nurse calling to check on me. Have I said how much I love my neuro and his nurse practitioner and his staff? Especially after reading some fellow posters' horror stories of their medical "experts" experiences.... I hit the MS doc jackpot! I'm very anxious to know whether or not I'm going to need surgery or just a bunch of PT.... I'd probably be more anxious about it if we hadn't just survived a hurricane in pretty good form - amazing how you get perspective from things, huh?

Let's see.. I seem to following the "brain dump" in this post, needing to get various, random thoughts out of my head. Ohh, neighbors and how great they are!! OMG!!! Amazing and wonderful and awesome our the neighbors - there's a reason I live outside the big city (although I've heard some wonderful stories from friends & co-workers about their neighbors in the city as well). We're all making sure everyone's getting what they need, not getting ripped off, and sharing info on insurance, repairs, and recipies... I'm glad that the bonds we were semi-forced to share during the 1st week after the storm don't appear to be fragile or temporary. We're supposed to be all bbq'ing in the cul-de-sac here soon. Can't wait!!

Been sleeping a lot here trying to catch up from working the night shift for 2 weeks. Amazing I did that for almost 5 years and actually preferred that shift on the streets. My boss and I were chatting in her office on Monday and she asked how I was doing. I was fine and so didn't think twice about the question until she asked again and made sure that I understood she was asking about how my body was reacting.... ie, did I think I was going to end up with another flare-up cuz of the mobilization and stress on my body and did she need to prepare to have me out for a while. And, she is a friend as well, so it wasn't just from an admin standpoint. I told her that it's MS - who the hell knows. I feel fine right now - I didn't remind her of my doc's appointment tomorrow... I cover that in the morning. Actually, I might cover that the following morning when I might actually know something. The worst thing I think about sometimes is not being able to do my job.... I love it (as I've mentioned a few times) and have no freakin' clue what I would do without it... When I did my rounds with optic neuritis, that was the one fear that I could never squealch or conceal - it was constantly bubbling at the surface. And, it's still a fear I have every time I have to get a new MRI, bloodwork, or visit the doc - will this be the time I get info that changes my life... more so than my dx.

I dunno - I consider myself still an MS infant. I'm past the newborn stage but I'm still stumbling around trying to figure out what happens if I put my right foot in front rather than my left. I still have some of that paranoia about this new world that I don't trust.... but I know I'll graduate to being a child - and enter that stage where I have no fear and will do whatever the hell I want and dammed be the consequences. My docs, nor my partner, probably won't like that stage, but am I ever looking forward to it!!

BTW, I also finished Teri Garr's book (amazing how she got that part after being told she could not have 2 consenants (sp???) in her 1st and last name - I wonder if it's worse if you have the same 2 letters in both your first and last name.... Does the double LL mean anything special??? The book was great and she's another heroine with MS to add in my brain about looking at how she's still able to accomplish soooo much while dealing with a crappy chronic illness. I love alliteration!!!!!

As hurricanes go...

2008-09-21T17:13:00.000-07:00

I guess this one wasn't as horrible as it could have been - but it was not fun either.

Howdy! Sorry I've been gone so long, but this is actually one of the first chances I've had to post. I'm back at work after my 1 day off since Ike hit. We've been on 12 hour shifts since the day of the storm and I am working 6p to 6a. Good thing I have not been battling fatigue issues with the MS, and what I'm feeling is just regular fatigue!

My men/women in blue down here are busting their tooshies on the streets - I've been in the office handling the younger violators and other issues with my investigations. All of us are running on generator power in our bodies, and most of us dealing with home issues as well.

On the home front - lost the fence and 1 pine tree in front... luckily when it split in half it decided to fall towards the street! The tree in back lost most of it's limbs in the back yard. We have some type of roof issue as we have water on our ceiling and already had to kill some black mold.... bleach is a wonderful thing. Luckily, we only went w/o power for 5 days. One of my co-workers still does not have power on the North side of town. Did you know brick is porous enough that it will get "soaked" through with the right combo of wind/rain? Well, apparently Ike was enough of a combo for our house - we'll see how the adjusted handles that issue - it's covered but we might have to vacate the house depending on what they deem the "problem" to be... If it molded the sheetrock, then all the insulation and all affected walls must be re-done - hence a home evacuation for a while. (That's worst case scenario and I'm trying the reverse psych trick on it!!!)

My partners' sister fared okay and only lost a part of the fence. My parners' parents lived on the island's west end. They got lucky. Our home, the sister's home, and the parents' home caught the clean side. We are doing the happy dance and singing our praises!! I feel for the east end of the island and Chambers and Liberty county (where a couple of friends have lost quite a bit - but no lives hurt/lost!). But, L's parents have a home to go to when the island gets livable again. They lost the dock, the boat (I suggested we put a pier under the bow side and make a downstairs bar of it - B liked the idea as 1/2 the boat is over the canal and half on the bulkhead - I'll get a pic posted as some point!), and all the downstairs.... including a fridge & freezer that's probably in the bottom of the canal... but all the windows, doors, stairs, and roof are okay.

We had an co-worker lose an aunt when the tree that crashed through his house fell on top of her room. We've had numerous co-workers lose their houses and had family/friends' houses lost. We, luckily, have had very few co-workers injured during the response to the emergency. Myself and my partner experienced first hand the goodness in people's hearts - and I will have tons to post about our neighbors later - as several neighbors took time away from their damage to help me with mine when they realized what hours I was working, telling me and my partner to just accept it as thanks for a job I do... I'm cried then, and I'm tearing up now just typing about it... I've had confirmation that there is so much good in this world still - among neighbors and strangers alike, as I see all the volunteers stepping up to the plate during this time and doing what they can, when they can, for complete strangers.

I have MS, it doesn't have me. We here in southeast Texas had Ike, but it did not get us. We will do whatever we can to make us thrive again - and it will be bigger and better than ever... Galveston will be even better than it was - because it will be. We, the citizens, will make it so.

So, now that I've typed your eyes off with this post - Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers during this time. I'll be back to posting normally again soon. I'm adjusting to my new normal after Ike, just as I adjusted to my new normal after my dx.

: ]

If you live by the coast...

2008-09-11T20:29:00.000-07:00

You might get a hurricane.

Yup, Ike is on a bee-line for Galveston, which means H-town will therefore be majorly impacted. Which means I go on 12 hour shifts starting tomorrow and probably won't be "off" until Sunday or Monday (or later) depending on damage and clean-up stuffs.... I've been in a couple of tornadoes and survived Rita (where we got the clean side) but this one is a little scary.

My partner's parents came to our house tonight from Galveston - they're hoping they have a house to go home to in a couple of days. We're not under mandatory evacuation where we live, so while I'm at work my partner and her parents will be riding it out at our house, with our 3 pups. We've taken some precautions and will most definately lose power in the afternoon tomorrow - the winds should hit close to 70-80 by the mid-afternoon tomorrow... I've got my "supplies" packed up for the station.

I probably won't be posting for a little bit - if I do, then that's a very good thing (or, if you don't particularly care for my style, it might not be!!) Course, there's another HUGE pink elephant in the middle of my brain I'm not going to blog about now because Ike is a HUMONGOUS pink elephant.... seems my L-spine MRI series was, and this is a direct quote from my wonderful NP, "SUCKED". I have an appointment in a couple of weeks to see a neurosurgeon because I have a nerve root compression between my L5 & S1.... and according to the radiologist, it's bad enough to recommend me as a surgical candidate for repair. Talk about freaking out this morning. I called my best friend, who's a doc, and she told me that was actually good news. Sorta like if you had to chose between a broken ankle or a sprained ankle, you'd want to take the broken one because it gets set, it heals, you move on.... with a sprained ankle it has to be nursed back and watched and treated gingerly....

Despite my saying I wasn't going to talk about it - I already said too much!! Oh, well, I just hope I have a relatively secure home to come back to myself in a couple of days!

Ike is a 4 letter word....

2008-09-10T20:32:00.000-07:00

I live in Brazoria county, which got issued a mandatory evacuation order at 10 tonight. Course, I will be leaving my house to head to my station as we're expecting to be activated.... meaning 12 hr shifts until the hurricane and any after-effects are over. I did it for Rita (the one right after Katrina that nobody remembers!). I love my co-workers and think we have a great unit, but sleeping at the station on the floor and waking up and having to re-visit those horrible high-school shower scenes in the women's locker room are not my ideas of a hurricane party!

I'll know more tomorrow by midday. I already called my supervisors and they said they had not gotten any orders but to expect it. One of my supervisors is trekking her kids to her in-laws in LA tonight to be back for a possible activation... Funny, huh? But, LA will be spared for this one hopefully.

I actually visited the downfall of society (aka WalMart) tonight and stocked up. Some for my honey who will be leaving our town for higher/northern parts and half for me to take to the station. All non-perishable, easy to eat stuffs. Now my main concern is my Copaxone... we have a fridge to store it in and our station should go to generator power if we lose it, but it's still on my mind. I'm sure I'll be fine... See you on the dirty side!!

Must view YouTube

2008-09-08T18:22:00.000-07:00

Okay, I've been playing with my blog trying to learn all about how to add things and spice it up. I discovered the video blog gadget - FUN! So, I typed in a comedian that I love and can watch a lot of without getting tired of him - Jeff Dunham. Dunno if you've ever seen or heard of him. He's a ventriliquist that's really good and really funny!

So, I tried to get specific videos showcasing my favorite characters: Walter, Peanut, Ahmed but I'm not figuring how to get'em in there without getting other crap that I don't want. Anyways, the first clip is a great one - Ahmed's "traditional" shtick. The 2nd one is Jose Jalepeno (on a stick). The 3rd clip is actually the entire, yes, the frakin' entire, show from one of his DVD's. It's very good but I doubt you have the 1 1/2 hours to just watch your computer... but if you ever do - It's chock full of belly laughs!! And, if you just want to see parts.... Walter is ~17:25 and peanut is around the end.

The last clip is Ahmed doing his song, Jingle Bombs - HILARIOUS!! If anything, type in Jeff Dunham in a video search at YouTube's site. You can pretty much see all his stuff and make sure and check out the Peanut videos. I'll try and remember to swtich my videos up every now and then.... If not, leave me a comment and I'll check it out... I am blonde!

So, now that I've bored the www with 2 posts tonight - holla' at y'all later!

: p

I heavily dislike scratching in public...

2008-09-08T17:15:00.000-07:00

But the itchy/red welps on my body from my Copaxone shots annoyed the crap outta me today!!! I go through cycles, I've noticed, where they bother me more than other times. This week, not so good. My right leg shot from Saturday still looks like a nasty bump into my footboard of my bed! But, I'd rather have a few itchy spots than more lesions on my brain anyday!

Two things on my mind tonight as I watch MNF - Go Packers!! (course, that only applies to this game as my Cowboys still are #1!) Which leads me to my first thought.... I used to hate, and I mean HATE with muy emphasis on that word, needles. My mom used to like to tell the story about how I made her feel like the most horrible parent in the world when all the lobby of the doc's office saw was a white-haired streak of a little girl running through it screaming at the top of her lungs that her mommy didn't love her cuz she was making me get a shot... by the way, it was one of my immunizations! Even as an adult, I'm a little ashamed to admit (with the appropriate head bowed and humble look) I was very squeamish. Any time I had to have blood drawn or get a shot, I always had to warn the nurses that I would be fine as long as they made it where I would not see the actual needle and DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES tell me "You'll feel a little prick". Either one of those would induce my flight syndrome and I would immediately get up and leave. Yes, that's right - Leave an emergency room or doctor's office! I did it... now, I would usually return around 10-20 mins later after I got control of my panic attack and apologize. Where, the nurse would usually apologize for not believing my warnings. Luckily, I didn't get sick that often and my doc's nurses got used to me and believed me....

My first med was Betaseron. I got off that due to the anxiety/depression issues as well as a semi-allergic reaction. Obviously, I'm now on Copaxone. But, that first time I met with my Beta nurse to show me how to do the injections and mix the meds.... OMFFFFFFFFFGosh!!!!! NO WAY IN HELLLLLLLl!!! I almost passed out from just looking at the needle... the nurse was great and stayed the entire 2 hours it took for me to get comfortable enough to actually give myself the shot. She promptly called my NP after leaving and I had a magical anti-anxiety med prescribed for me for the 1st couple of weeks of taking it... Couldn't have me hyperventilate into an ER visit... I was off work anyways so it didn't hurt anything. And, I guess it tricked my mind enough to where I don't even really think about it anymore when I shoot up every night. I still think it's amazing though - how our minds can be so squeamish and cause such a physical reaction to a mental problem.

Which leads me to my 2nd thought for today... I had an MRI of my L-spine this morning. My NP, now that's I've recovered use of my right leg after a round of steroids and rest, wants to make sure the structure is all okay down there and not making my nervous system react in an MS way to a non-MS problem. No problem. I show up this morning, and was actually excited when I got to wear scrubs instead of that very revealing, uncomfortable, horrible little gown they like to put you in most of the time. We get done with the 23 mins of clicking and beeping and sounding like a very exciting game of space invaders and the tech tells me the radiologist wants me to have it with contrast as well, since I'm an MSer. No problem I say.. I'd take another 20 min nap! (yes, I'm one of those weird ones that actually catch z's in the tube!!! ) So, the nurse is there to shoot me up with Gallium (????? the one w/o the funny taste) and I tell her my shpiel (it still makes me feel better) and she remembers the first part but tells me the dreaded words.... I could not freakin' help it but I flinched and that needle stick HURT! It was not her fault - and I grimaced through it. They got the stuff in me and I got my 2nd cat nap. I get the results in 5-7 days and I went on to work. I'll have a bit of a bruise on my left arm where I got the shot but I survived.

Another day of docs and life with MS. Now it's time to go pay full attention to the pack and watch my puppies play - always good things to do.

Gotta love friends!

2008-09-05T21:54:00.000-07:00

I know one thing that scared the bageebees out of me when I heard the diagnosis of MS - will I keep my friends? My family, we'd been through a lot already and survived, so I was not worried nor was I disappointed in them. But, my friends.... those mean the world to me. There's a quote (and I do not know who to attribute it to) that says "Friends are the family we choose for ourselves"...

My 30th birthday gift was my diagnosis. Technically it was 8 days after my birthday but that was just because I refused to go to the doctor for my deteriorating eyesight until after I returned from my vacation. My best friend is a doc and she had prescribed me some eye drops that seemed to help with the pain and I was taking tylenol for my weird headache that was only right above my eye and above my ear. I'll never forget calling my work partner, and close friend, on the verge of crying but keeping it together cuz our male friends NEVER want to hear their girls crying, do they? Anyways, I told him I needed him to come pick me up and take me to my MRI - after being shipped between the eye and brain docs that were separated by a floor all morning. He shows up and gets me to the MRI place (it was either that or the docs were going to admit me to the hospital to get'em done).

While I'm in the tube, right after I finally finish the last scans, the MRI tech (a female) tells me that I have some visitors. Next thing I know my best friend from HS (a guy) and my work buddy are talking about how it was confirmed that I was truly a blonde with no brain and the national enquirer was outside waiting to get my story. They then take me to dinner and we spend the whole time laughing at the various pirate jokes we can come up with since I had to keep my right eye closed to try and walk close to a semblance of normal. Then, a group of friends was supposed to be meeting later that week for dinner. I called one of the girls to tell'em I wouldn't be able to make it - seeing as I couldn't drive and next thing I know, there's an excel spreadsheet being emailing around between all my friends trying to get a schedule of who's picking me up to go grocery shopping, who's taking me to dinner and lunches to get me out of the house, and who's taking me to my doctor appointments and test. My family actually got a little pissy that they weren't getting in on the action!!!

I tell ya, friends and family are so important. Friends can really determine what kind of outlook you'll take towards an event in your life. I can honestly say that my fear of MS was reduced each and every day, as I read all the emails, cards, talked on the phone, and tried to get some sleep in between all the friendly visits. I had a freezer full of food, side-stiches from laughing at myself, and warm-fuzzies all in my brain and heart from my friends during those next couple of scary months trying not to think about having to retire from a job I love due to losing my sight at 30...I think the reason I've survived so well with this disease has a lot to do with my support network - It's amazing.

What brought on this shpiel of thankfulness? I got to share a wonderful night of good food and good conversation with 4 of those great friends tonight. I say a prayer of thanks after each one of those.... I soak it all in and let it wrap me up! And, now, I consider this blogdom another level of support as well - so take from me all the support you need and I will return the favor as well!

I'm a sports fanatic!

2008-09-04T16:02:00.000-07:00

So, I'm doing this Blog in "Georgia" font, in Bulldog red to honor one of my favorite college football teams! I love the fall....the smell of turf in August, the broken fingers of the offensive linemen, the gatorade over the coach's head. I was born and (mostly) raised in Texas, with 4 older brothers - 3 of which played Texas highschool football. You don't grow up in a household like that without becoming a football fan.

I guess it would be possible, but why?? I LOVE FOOTBALL! I always secretly desired to be a football coach - I wanted to be a secondary coach, yelling at the Roy Williams' (UT's) and Buschi's and LT's (I know he's a lineman, but he rocks) to get off their asses and get on those wide receivers! Offense might create a lot of press and highlight reels, but games are won by defenses! Yes, I catch boys off-guard because I know the difference between the nickel and dime defensive packages!

College football rocks - I have my faves that I have to root for besides Georgia. And, I have my reasons, either due to family members playing for them, good coaches (past ones included) or I've just liked what I've watched.... I will go to a neutral gray for this list so I don't offend: Arkansas (GO PIG SUUUUUUUEY!!!!), Texas A&M (Gig'em!), LSU (Geaux Tigers!), Oregon State (You gotta love a school with the Beavers as their mascot!), Texas Tech (Guns up!!!!), and Oklahoma (Sooner Pride!!!).

I have others I will root for but I know these schools and have followed them for a while - LSU is my latest fave as my best friend completed her medical residency with them and converted me!! So, needless to say my Saturday plans are set for the next 5 months! I also like the Pros - I'm Cowboy blue through and through!!!!! but the college boys still play for pride and fun! I'm going to watch the Giants play the Redskins tonight and hope that Eli whoops up on'em - I like the Manning family dynasty! And they're soooo cute!! LOL

My body behaved today. I like it on days like today. I'm going to 2 in a row tomorrow!!

And just when you think

2008-09-03T19:24:00.000-07:00

You're going to blog about one thing *Wham* life happens and there it goes... LOL

So, one of my favorite symptoms is my spasticity - i LOVE getting charlie horses in my calves for no reason! But, they've become that annoying aunt that always gives you that weird sweater your mom will make you actually put on. It reminds you to be thankful for when it's NOT there! Tonight, though, I get the cramp on the top part of my lower leg, running right beside my tibia (or is the top one the fibia - my best friend would be so dissapointed that I don't remember)... on TOP of my calf... haven't had that one before. So, my honey goes to massage it out since it seems to work on the bottom of that part of my leg and I realize I really don't feel her massaging that part of my left leg. It feels like she's rubbing a feather on it when I can SEE how hard she's pushing into the skin.... YIKES! Course, we start cracking up with all sorts of comical sayings that left my brain as soon as I tried typing them in here.... Dang, you just gotta love the central nervous system???

THEN... I hear a very loud buzzing outside and one of the chairs sounds like it falls over - my honey's out there so I get up, still looking at my left leg funny, and go make sure everyone's ok. I find our youngest 4 legged kid running around and there is loud buzzing coming from her mouth. Before I can even ask.... Venus (the youngest) spits out a quite sizable locust from her mouth!! Now, I can't even begin to laugh because Venus' older sister, Emma, then grabs it in her mouth and goes a couple of steps before upchucking it... the oldest, a chihuahua named Bobbie, does not want any part of this hot potato game with the locust! Talk about laughing your ass off - OMFG!

Want a better mental image? Venus is a ~1 1/2 yo black lab/border collie mix, Emma is a 9 1/2 yo chocolate lab/who's your daddy mix, and Bobbie is the 10 1/2 year old chihuahua (pronounced cha-whoooa-whoooa). I love dogs - they rock!

Oh those pesky ...

2008-09-02T18:29:00.000-07:00

MS symptoms! I had a good day today! I woke up and was able to walk normal from that point on, even walked up the stairs at work... been a couple of weeks for that! I was able to get up and down from my chair without any trouble and did not even really have any cramping today. I had my check-up with my fabulous NP at my neurologist's office this past Friday. I could even hop off the table to show her my "normal" walk!! I do have to get an MRI next week on my L-spine. They wanted to make sure they got the steroids in me first... They're pretty sure it was a flare-up (ever noticed how hard exacerbation is to type?) but they want to check my lower spine just to make sure there isn't some disc damage. I had a pretty bad back injury from the job about 7 years ago so it would not be a far reach. They say once you've hurt your back then you're screwed for life! Hey, I was lucky - I was able to keep working after a very good physical therapist!

I'm also tapering down off of one of my meds, which is always exciting! That's actually been one of my harder things to cope with and get accustomed to with MS - taking all the meds. I can't stand taking pills and yet I've gotten up to quite a few in a day just in my little MS experience... I know there are others out there with much worse, especially if swallowing already presents a challenge.

I was typing this tonight and felt my chest start twitching and then my bi & triceps decided to get in on the conversation. It doesn't hurt and apparently, according to my other half, I don't notice it most of the time. It's just annoying, really. I've been known to start talking to my muscles to tell'em to stop it.. then I remember that they really don't have a say in it since my nerves are the ones calling the shots. I heard someone say something the other day about someone "getting on their nerves". Did not really know how much that phrase would apply to me in my life!!!!! : P

OK, about my partner...

2008-09-01T18:08:00.000-07:00

Hope everyone had a great Labor Day weekend! I got to see my family in north TX... can't believe how big my nephews are getting.

I told y'all in he last blog that I would tell you about my co-worker - he who has the pain tolerance of Apollo himself! He's not a native Texan, not even a native Southern boy, but he'd qualify as both! He plays hockey and thought he twisted his ankle a couple of weeks ago. Then, last weekend, he twisted his knee pretty bad - bad enough to go to the doc. So, while he's at the doc for his knee, he tells them about his ankle. Well, turns out he's got a sprained knee ligament but a broken ankle! Now, my partner is a good guy and has his moments of brilliant charm but somehow he was able to convince the doc to put him in a removable boot and release him to work with NO restrictions. My buddy is not out on the streets patrolling, he's like me in plain-clothes behind a desk conducting interviews and the like. But, he was the in the class with me, doing everything all of us are doing - and I think I have more "restrictions" on me than him.

I think that's one of the hardest things about MS to explain to others that do not share that Dx. The restrictions the disease puts on us, in so many ways that are not visible. How do you explain to your best friend that you can't go have that drink with her after work because all you can think about is an Epson salt bath to calm your spastic muscles and then climbing into bed? Do your nephews understand why you can't come see their football games because they are at 1 and 3 pm on fields with no shade in 95 degree weather and 90% humidity - but you can make the 8am game next week in the pouring rain? How do you feel when you call in sick to work, not because you've got the flu or a migraine or a broken leg, but because your head is spinning so bad and your feet are so numb you don't trust yourself to walk to the bathroom, let alone crawl into your car and drive?

I can't remember what blog I read it on, but it would be easier if our MS restrictions were easier to explain, just so we could just call in "MS day"!!

MS.