Friday, October 24, 2008

Big Yawn...

I'm soooo staying away from the wing-ding choice.... not even getting within 4 choices!!! : p

I love Fridays. Payday Fridays are even better. Payday Fridays, 2 beers with dinner - great. Payday Fridays, 2 beers with dinner, with family - awesome!!

So, I didn't really have anything to type about so I was going to just blabber. Course, it's still not something to rush to your computer and go OMG! Then, you gotta love some of the positive sides for MS... never a dull moment! I'm sitting in bed, checking all the blogs and sites I take hits off of... I'd already changed positions once cuz my particular brand of spasticity likes to piss off my pectoral and latismus dorsi muscle groups... : ] I like to show off my halfway completed masters in biomechanics!!! I didn't survive A&P class for nothing!!!!!! [anyways, my chest & mid-back muscles that wrap around your sides]

Anyhows, I thought the change in position might help it calm a little bit down - it sometimes works. Whether or not it's a mental thing.. don't really give a rat's patootie! This time, it doesn't work. My honey complains a lot if I'm sitting on the couch next to her and they start going - I don't always feel it but she always does. So, I had her put her hand on the spot that was going nuts and asked her if that was what she kept feelin. Nope. Not it. So she gets "cute" and acts like she was going to punch it. I tell her to go ahead - it might help. She punches it. And punches it. And punches it. And punches it. And punches it. Get where I'm going here? Not too hard of a leap, huh?

After about a 30, 40 , maybe even a 60 count I calmly turned around and asked if all the aggression was out? L laughed and said almost. A few more counts and then it stopped. Slowly. A few more punches.... What brought about this tempest of rage? This explosion of violence? Well, the main reason is we got first word of our so called "insurance settlement". Let's just say I cracked up laughing - it was so horribly pitiful!!!!!!!! Quick reminder - Hurricane Ike came through on 9/12. We had 60+ mph winds at our house for over 12 hours. We had more than 50% of our roof shingles lifted up, will not re-seal, and all has debris underneath the shingles.... here's a quick laugh as how hysterical the insurance company is? They gave us $189 for 12 shingles. Let me tell you how I'm laughing my ass of, crying from how funny it is, can't breathe cuz I'm laughing so hard.

So, needless to say, the gauntlet's been thrown!! It is SO ON LIKE DONKEY-KONG!!! I've always been a fan of Charles Shultz, but the dog's going down this time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Head twirling, making zaps...

(and I made sure not to accidentally select wingdings font like I have a few times in the past!!!) :p

I'm not a scardy-cat (OMG - how the hell do you spell that word?) but there are some things I've been scared of for a while. Like, anything that buzzes and flies at the same time... bees & wasps and the big horse-flies that can confuse me for a sec make me freeze. It's a true phobia. I was stung 6-7 times in my eye by yellow-jackets that had built a nest in my mother's lovely shag carpeting when I was 2 years old. I lost sight for a bit but got it back.. too bad I didn't remember that feeling for my bout with ON. Anyhows, forget BOO making me jump, but BZZZZ will make me shut down and squeal like a girl!! *SHIVER* Even being the 30-something adult I am now, I'm reduced to a little 2 yo crying if I can't get to a safe place quick enough. It doesn't help that I should have an epi pen on me since I'm also very allergic...

I've gotten over my fear of needles - a good thing about having to give yourself a shot everyday!! LOL I would think that I wouldn't need to replace an overcome fear with a new one, but apparently my brain feels "left out" with a space to fill in that lobe.. (dunno which lobe - don't remember that part of my neuropsych class). But, it has been replaced with a fear of FEVERS!! OMG - are you freakin' kidding me?!??!?! I almost have an aversion to thermometers because of it... Why? I've been admitted to a hospital everytime my fever has gotten over 100... ever since MS. I mean, I know our core temp should be regulated and we can't do a bunch of stuff we used to love outside, but seriously? I've missed a few days of work cuz of a stoopid migraine with a fever... luckily hasn't hit 100 or L would have already had me in the doc's office.

Seriously, fevers?!?!? I mean, come on!!!! Yet, here I go, starting to shake in my socks again (not wearing shoes) cuz I can feel my temp rising as I type this... 99.2 Sheesh. Time for more tylenol. I feel like I should just start walking around in my cooling vest to try and trick my body... ya know? I'm not talking "fear" in the common sense, but everytime I take that damn thing out of my mouth... I pause to wonder just what's in store for me based on that number... My normal temp is around 98.2 or .4. I can always tell when my temp gets a little too high because that's when my legs go nuts spazzing out, and my chest/rib muscles follow along...

Dang, I didn't mean for this post to be a rant or whine. I was just stating another lovely aspect of MS (still working on that "other word") I promised my boss I'd be back at work tomorrow with donuts (HGAHAHAHAHHAA - you know you laughed at that if you remember what I do for a living... I always love walking down the hallway at work with a Shipley's bag!!) and Sonic drinks. I also promised no more missed days for work until at least between Turkey day and Christmas. I'll make good on that promise - I can do it when I set my mind to it and my body has been behaving pretty good lately. So, I am setting my mind to it. No more missed work!! That's my motto for the next couple of weeks... it'll help that the weather will also be a little cooler for the bayou city as the fall has set in here...

Ready for it... highs in the 70s and lows in the 50s - We're freezin' baby!!! AHAHAHAHAHHA Seriously, it is some of the prettiest days in Texas during that time. Too cool for the mosquitos as well, so it'll be nice to be able to hang outside...

Okay, enough for today... daytime tv sucks and I finished my latest book and have 1 more in the series... Anybody read the Stephanie Meyers vampire series??? SOOOOOO GOOOODD! Highly recommended by my 16 yo niece but I've enjoyed them... good character stories...

Okay, seriously, I'll end my babbling now. Catch ya later!!!

Sunday, October 19, 2008

I'd like to thank...

All those who supported me through the rough times! HAHAHAHAHAHA

I just received my first blog award! WOO HOO!! Here it is....

YEAH!!! I love it!! I'm supposed to then pass along the prestige to 10 of the people's blogs that have Attitude! WOO HOO! So, considering how I'm just an infant in this wide world web I haven't
really established long roots in this world but I do have 11 over to that side bar over there - There's the blog portion of the ActiveMSers website that's pretty cool! And, my buddy's blog from Texas to Tennesse is soooo totally rockin' and has nothing to do with MS - unless she's talking about me or some random musings...

Anyways, thank you Lisa over at Brass and Ivory - it's coming right back atcha! So, here's the rules...

* Put the logo on your blog or post.
* Nominate at least 10 blogs which show great Attitude and/or Gratitude!
* Be sure to link to your nominees within your post.
* Let them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
* Share the love and link to this post and to the person from whom you received your award.

Okey dokes - Had a great weekend! Went and saw Jeff Dunham in concert last night - hilarious!! Needed to laugh out loud like that and it was sooooo great! It was new material and very funny! Seriously, google the name and LUAO!!! Had the house all to ourselves for the first time since Ike hit.... 6 weeks ago now. My partner's parents are probably going to be staying with us until the end of this month. They now have water but no power or gas at the beach house. It's still very cool though.. Barely notice they're here and it was actually very quiet without them...

Fixed the fence so that we can let the dogs outside without them going cavorting through the drainage ditch after tunneling through the orange plastic fencing! Amazing what a little lattice work can do to block pups inside the yard! They liked the beautiful weather this weekend as well - having the door open to let them roam in and out.

By the way, it was a great MS weekend as well. My MS has actually been acting very well - I think it's being gracious and letting my back have all the fun!! AHAHAAHA Seriously, am taking the pain meds and they are working out. I just don't want to become Dr. House - I love that show because he would be exactly the type of person I would never hang out with... That's exactly what I do not want to become. Do you love him on TV? Yes. Do you understand he's a good guy and is just in extreme pain at the end of the shows? Yes. But he's a character that none of us really want to become... addicted to pain meds to keep himself emotionally numb to not add to the physical pain he experiences everyday. He figures he goes through enough physical pain that he does not want to open himself open to any emotional pain...

I know that I'm nowhere close to being anywhere near to that type of person... but it's still a scary thought. Course, my doc didn't give me near enough of them to start me down that path. I was told to continue with PT and call him back in a couple of weeks. Thanks for putting up with the whining about the pain... I'm getting my reactions to it under control. That's one of the biggest lessons from MS that I'm continually learning - adaptation. My baseline keeps getting adjusted due to the dagnabbit disease and I'm having to make the adjustments to fit it into my life. What I don't want to have happen is to have my life fit into it... I know it may come down to point where that has to happen, but I can still make it a very small part of it. Besides, I was always the type that had to rearrange the furniture in my bedroom every couple of months growing up... I guess this is the big guy's (or gal's) way of having a sense of humor... Let's see how she'll rearrange this... Chuckling ensues and I get to establish a new norm... Good think I like irony!!!

By the way, I'm sorta getting sick of continually typing MS.... I'm going to try and think of a new name for it... something not too complicated but not totally vulgar (cuz I only want to use MFMS when it's really called for!!!) I've seen some funny stuff on some other blogs and I appreciate their names... Just warning you now that I see a potential theme for the next little bit - it's made it past the damaged neurons!!!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

I'm a wimp...

And I know it. I've been "clumsy" all of my life.... well, let me clarify that. If it was a sliding grab of the softball stopping it from going into center field - done, with the runner thrown out. If it was a run down with a dive with my arm stretched to the max to get the volleyball up within inches of hitting the court - done! But, stepping out of the dugout to walk to my position at 2nd base sometimes posed a problem, as well as walking back to serve the ball in volleyball. THEN - I had 2 left feet and 3 arms and none of them could stop my falls.

Course, I wonder now how much of that was pre-MS? That type of stuff didn't start until I was in my later teens. The first time they ever found lesions on an MRI was in my cervical spine after I hurt my back during an altercation at work. I then semi-lost feeling in both my arms, with tingly/zipper sensations along the "bottom" part of my arms from my shoulder to my fingers, with no feeling in either hands' pinky and ring finger. I was told by that neuro that I should get yearly MRI scans to follow-up to make sure it was not MS but that the symptoms matched my injury to a T so just thought it was injury-related. [didn't do the yearly follow-up and the diagnosis was 7 years later]

But, back to me being a wimp. So, my back has it in for me. It's determined to prove to me just how important it is, and just what I cannot do without it. Remember my not requesting of pain meds when I met with the neurosurgeon? Well, I sucked it up and called his nurse today. This pain is not fun. It's not horrible - but I'm scared it will progress there. My back is one constant spasm. At first it was just in my lower back. Now, the whole freakin' back! Those shooting pains down my leg that were very intermintent through the day only a couple of weeks ago - getting closer to common through the hour. (Actually it's there already).

I keep asking myself if I would still be feeling this pain if they hadn't told me about the "injury". Ever wonder about that? Would I still be as immobilized right now if I didn't know I had the diagnosis in my back? Or, would I just think I was having a little muscle cramp in my back and the heating pad would make it all go away? I dunno - I feel like I'm the biggest wimp ever. Surely, this pain isn't as bad as I'm feeling it? I'm a big believer in mental power. My college coach was a big believer in it as well - I still have a reminder of her positive power of thought ideas on my keychain to this day. When it's one of those days that you HAVE to get to work because you HAVE to do that meeting/presentation/interview because you HAVE to not miss that dinner and break anymore plans. We get through those days. Can I get through this? Yes, I can. I will. Do I want to? No, I don't. I don't want to endure anymore PT and I definately don't want to risk surgery? Will I be able to avoid any of that, I don't know.

Will I make it through anything I go through? Yes, I will. I know it. I have faith I will. I know I've got more years of lots of physical activity ahead of me. I know I have many years of playing with my pups, painting rooms in my house, and possibly playing with some 2-legged people in my house. So, bring it on. Am I a wimp? Yes, I cry at certain commercials and all the sappy movies and I feel pain - physical and emotional. Is it stronger than me, no. I just needed to whine about it a little bit. Get it on the outside so I could see how puny it really is. I'm going to snuggle in bed with my honey now and read a few pages of my book before I go to bed. That's the good stuff!! That's why I know I can't be too much of a wimp with that kind of support!

Monday, October 13, 2008

Why do some people...

Not take pride in their work? Is it so much to ask? I think about this sometimes. Sometimes it's prompted by stupid people at work that don't know how to do their basic jobs. (which, in my line of work, can seriously hurt themselves or others!) Sometimes it's prompted by stupid customer service people that don't understand the idear behind that (Comcast, anyone?!?!? GRRRR!) Sometimes it's prompted by thoughts of one day not being able to do my job which I love ... as all of us with the MS probabilty of anything being possible (in a good/bad, love/hate way).

So, when it's combined with having a pissy day at my body but unable to just hang out at home and having to go to work to listen to STOOPID people at work delivering a very bad message. I just don't get it. If you're good at your job, then you must be doing something right. Yet, delivering information to other co-workers in a shared profession, wouldn't you think that would be easier than delivering the same information to non-co-workers? If that same investigator - and I wish there was a way to lighten that word for the person I'm referring to - delivered the message to non-classified personnel, I'm pretty sure he'd be fired. Even with our union/civil service protections - he'd be gone. And, I'm not sure that would help our city because I've heard he's a good investigator - but some of the stuff that came out of his mouth was STOOOOPID!!! Get my drift?

I became "liscensed" to teach other law enforcement people last year. We had to go through a class to do it - required by the state. It was actually a good class. I enjoyed it and learned from it. I might have to teach my subject matter to my fellow co-workers at some point (I'm the back-up right now and the woman teaching it is my hero... superwoman!!) so it might be a while. And, I'm a bit of a smart-ass. I'm sarcastic. I'm going to make jokes - but not at the expense of something I believe in and truly enjoy being a part of. I'll sacrifice myself, but I WILL NOT sacrifice the kiddos I help to protect. Do some of those kids lie? Yes. Are some of those lies horrible and cause great pain? Yes. Does it piss me off to no end when that happens, especially if (wo)man hours are wasted on it? YES! But, I will not lump those few pissy, crappy, awful kids with the rest of the kids I help - and I still can't totally blame some of those kiddos (if they're young enough to be redeemed) because it's obviously a LEARNED behavior.

Again, I'm ranting on my soap-box tonight because I had to sit in a very uncomfortable auditorium chair for the day - which made my back spasm the whole day and made PT this afternoon very painful. Again, some of the later presenters (my fellow co-workers) were boring and not the best at teaching but they did not sacrifice their topics at the sake of their victims. My LT was in the class as well and he was actually slack-jawed a couple of times with what the one guy was saying - and my boss is not easily made slacck-jawed!!

Okay, deep breath, I'm climbing off the box to sit back and let the heating pad on my back take effect. I just needed to get that off my chest. I've got a week of this dang in-service classes - any of y'all that have to have CEUs and required classes understand how bad this can be. I'll try to deconstruct my soap box for this week ... you'll know how bad it'll have to be for me to climb back on!!!

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Ahhh, Sundays....

Great for doing nothing but sitting on the couch, watching football, and reading a book. And doing all those things at once, while playing on the computer. Anybody get Columbus day off? While I am a civil servant, we do not get that day off of work. Our credit union is closed, since they are off, and I won't get any mail, since they're off... but I can't gripe too much. I get the other major holidays off.

I will be sitting on my butt getting educated all week in in-service classes. So, I will be fighting sleeping in class in other words. In my time in the department, there's only been a few required in-service classes that were actually worth my time. I talked about one earlier in my online history, and there have been a few others like it. At least I'll be in class with my work partner and one of my supervisors... who always has great stories about some member of her family, or herself! LOL She's got a crazy family!
I do have to wake up earlier than normal to drive up to the north side of town. UGH!

Nothing else going on... don't really have anything to "say" today. My MS seems to be behaving lately. My back doesn't really like me at all right now. I'm doing my exercises (well, not yet today but I will) and all I'm feeling is more tightness, spasms, and pain. I did do 4 exercises on Friday with my PT. WOO HOO!! Maybe I'll work up to 5 tomorrow! We went to dinner last night with a new friend... it was very fun. We laughed out booties off! Everyone was so nice - met a lot of new people as well and ran into some people I hadn't seen in a while. There was a comedian there and she was very funny! Of course, we were part of the "loud" table - which is always where I want to be!!

Well, I'm off to yell at the tv some more. The Texans are not playing that great right now.... but then the important game is on at 3 - when my Cowboys play! Hopefully they'll have pulled their heads out of their butts from last week and can beat the cardinals!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Why do the people in charge of making you feel better...

most of the time, in the beginning, always make you feel worse?!??! I guess it's one of the mysteries of life... *sigh*

Had my first PT appointment this afternoon. I liked her, she was very nice and liked to answer the "whys" and very direct. I think a large portion of my sarcasm might be lost on her, but not everyone is as smartassy as me. I got through... {drum roll please} 3 exercises. That's right. I got through 3. Tres. Trois. Drei. Tpn. Drie. Tre. (Had enough of

I'll be doing the same 3 exercises on Friday. Might have up to 2 more, but she said to be patient. Want to know the real punchline? It took me 45 mins to do those simple 3 exercises... I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that I can no longer consider myself athletic... There's no way in hell I can do that with the way I'm moving right now. I want to scream at the world... I USED TO RUN 3-5 MILES A DAY!! AT AN 8 MIN PACE!! I USED TO MT BIKE THE HO CHI MIN TRAILS IN MEMORIAL PARK FOR 45 MINS TO AN HOUR AND THEN RIDE 3 MILES HOME!! I USED TO DO A FREE WEIGHT WORKOUT FOR AN HOUR!!! I USED TO BE ABLE TO DO MORE >50 PUSHUPS WITHOUT STOPPING (WHICH WAS GOOD FOR ME!lol) THIS FREAKIN' SUCKS!!

Okay, I can't freakin' help it - IT FUCKIN' SUCKS!!!

Okay, I feel better now. I'm actually in quite a bit of pain right now but that's what the pain meds are for. Anybody watch Bones tonight? It was good but the message in it was great. I actually teared up. Sad, yes, and I'm not even PMSing.

I like the way it was framed. It was about the fact that God is more concerned about what's inside - your soul. It's not about what's on the outside. Take off your "covers" and just show what's underneath. It doesn't matter if you're black, white or brown... straight, gay, transgendered.... rich, poor, in-between... Democrat, Republican, or Kinky (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA) What matters is what's in your heart and soul. How do you treat people? How do you treat yourself?

I'm one of those people that does not lack in fatih... you can't have survived my life and not had faith. But I can't say it's because of God and mean it in any concrete form.. by that I mean, I can't identify as Baptist, Catholic, or Jewish, but I also can't say definatively that I'm Christian - I believe in heaven and hell, but not in the constructs presented to me in any temple, church, or synagogue. I have faith in the basic faith of humanity. I believe there is evil in the world and it's not as strong as the good that is out there. I bow my head in prayer and I raise my eyes to the sky.

Whatever you call HIM OR HER is your choice. We live in a country that allows us...wait, I'm sorry, GRANTS us that right by the Constitution. Our men and women are losing their lives to defend that right (whether you agree with the politics or war - it's true). I think I'm pretty good at showing my true colors all the time... the messed up rainbow that it is. I don't expect or want everyone to like me - that's too boring. I love all the different personalities that are out there.

Luckily enough, I've found a partner that I mesh with in heart, mind, body and soul... I have a wonderful set of friends that provide so many wonderful colors to me... and a wonderful family that adds even more brilliance. Besides, if you never had black, how would you how to appreciate white?????

Monday, October 6, 2008

Just rambling...

Purple - good color. It's one of my best friends' favorite colors. Warning - if you're going to finish reading this particular post, don't expect anything close to making sense... Lots of those, the "..." thingys... which are pretty cool if you use them. I like them a lot.. they're that unspoken "pause" in writing that can't always be taken.... see? wasn't that pefect?

Ever watch that tv show "Chuck"? I love it - he's such a cutie!! He's vulnerable, goofy, and stumbley... in such an original way that he makes it fun to be a geek! Course, I am a bit of a nerd... My office uses me as the grammar police - they ask me to proof-read some of their stuff every now and then. I know that makes my mom proud.... realizing I could still diagram a complex sentence properly. How sad is that? Extremely, and I know it - and my honey still loves me anyways!! Really, she doesn't have any room to talk since she does mathmatical equations in her head to make herself go to sleep!!! I'm not that bad!!

What about beer? I used to not be any type of a beer drinker... that used to be my sign. If I was drinking beer - friends were drawing straws to see who was holding my hair back while praying to the porcelin goddess later that night (or morning if it was that bad!) Now, I dunno - they say your taste buds change as you get older, right? My latest favorite is Corona Light - 2 limes. YUMMERS! And, it makes spastic legs soooo much easier to deal with.

I probably should be headed off to bed now - I've gotta be at work very early tomorrow morning. UGH! See ya latro!

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Ike pics...

Back yard... Luckily that missed the back porch.
This was the tree in front yard... again, lucky it went away from the house.
The sunrise on the 14th... how this is so beautiful - blocking all the destruction off to the sides.


Ever need estimates on home or auto repair? You call and schedule the free in-home consultation. They tell you why their product is so great, better than the other ones. Then, you decide where your personal give and take points are and what you're willing to sacrifice. It's not necessarily a horrible process, but it's not exactly stress-free dealings either.

We've started the estimate process after Ike. We got the roof done today and are faxing it off to our adjuster. To borrow a great phrase from Tommyboy - HOLY SHNIKEYS! Course, we can't do anything until we get the roof done... since the gutter people can't do anything based on the old roof, and we won't fix our ceiling if the roof's going to leak during next week's forecast rains, and won't do the carpet until the other stuff is done. Sheesh!!!

I'm not as stressed as I thought I'd be during this though, since I feel like I sort of do that a lot with having MS. Like, when you're first diagnosed and are told your treatment options... Do you want to possibly suffer through the "flu" every other day? Do you want to do a shot every day? Do you want to deal with that horribly long needle once a week? What are you willing to sacrifice to still feel comfortable with your choice afterwards... and how hard is it to change your mind? Obviously, when we get the roof we chose on - LOL - not going to be so easy to change that!! But, it wasn't hard for me to change from treatment B to treatment C for me.

I met with my neurosurgeon this week. (Didn't ever think that type of doc was in my future!) Luckily, I liked him a lot - he's very straightforward and a bit of a smart-ass! And, he does NOT want to cut me open immediately. He agreed that I was too young to have that bad of a degenerated disc (with slight protrusion) but he was glad to see that I still had pretty good movement and not a lot of pain. I refused pain meds at this time.... I hate how they make you feel (and plug you up - UGH!). So, we're going with a month of PT. All I need is to shrink my inflamation 1-2 mm. Tiny little millimeters... About the size of "." in the body. That much little space will make my life a lot better. Amazing!

Course, if he had immediately said surgery - I might have taken his word for it but still gotten another "estimate" for my body. As it is, I'll go make friends with a physical therapist next Wednesday and work on getting my body back to "work-out-able" condition. I miss being physically active!! This has nothing to do with MS - but that sorta pisses me off. I mean, isn't MS enough to worry about without having a totally separate problem too???? *Shrug* Oh well, that's me. If it's not one thing, it's usually another. I'll just get hugs from my L, the pups, and my friends and no it'll all be all-righty!!!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

The 1st of October...

Okay, life is returning to normal and I'm hoping to get back to a little more "blogging" normal. The adjuster had come and gone (need a new roof, new gutters, new fence, new flooring) and are now waiting on the insurance settlement offer. In a catch-22 where we now have to replace the roof, no matter how much $ they give us, because they've noted damage. Oh, well... the roof's 16 years old and it's better for resale value; not that we're going anywhere soon, but this isn't going to be our retirement home!

Back to work in my normal hours, with my normal (well, not really) co-workers, and all the goings-ons there. Where did September go? Ike took it along with everything else. Some GREAT news: I became an Aunt again (for the 8th time!).... Zack was born on 9/29 (I was hoping to share my bday today!!) at 7lbs 7 ozs, just under 21". He's the 3rd boy to my middle brother and they told me they are not going to try for a girl... which is fine, since my oldest brother has a girl and my step-brother does too... I was the only female grand-child in my family and loved being spoiled-ass rotten.. in a very good way of course!!! I can't wait to get up and see my newest family member!! I have a close friend/co-worker that has been trying to have a baby for a while and got a very early initial good news from her doc - we gotta wait til the 17th to find out for sure.... I'm keeping my positive thoughts cenetered on her!!

Have my appointment with my neurosurgeon tomorrow to discuss my L-spine MRI issues. They called today to confirm the appointment and it was an actual human being, and not the computerized reminder, so I figured it was very important... it was actually my normal neuro's nurse calling to check on me. Have I said how much I love my neuro and his nurse practitioner and his staff? Especially after reading some fellow posters' horror stories of their medical "experts" experiences.... I hit the MS doc jackpot! I'm very anxious to know whether or not I'm going to need surgery or just a bunch of PT.... I'd probably be more anxious about it if we hadn't just survived a hurricane in pretty good form - amazing how you get perspective from things, huh?

Let's see.. I seem to following the "brain dump" in this post, needing to get various, random thoughts out of my head. Ohh, neighbors and how great they are!! OMG!!! Amazing and wonderful and awesome our the neighbors - there's a reason I live outside the big city (although I've heard some wonderful stories from friends & co-workers about their neighbors in the city as well). We're all making sure everyone's getting what they need, not getting ripped off, and sharing info on insurance, repairs, and recipies... I'm glad that the bonds we were semi-forced to share during the 1st week after the storm don't appear to be fragile or temporary. We're supposed to be all bbq'ing in the cul-de-sac here soon. Can't wait!!

Been sleeping a lot here trying to catch up from working the night shift for 2 weeks. Amazing I did that for almost 5 years and actually preferred that shift on the streets. My boss and I were chatting in her office on Monday and she asked how I was doing. I was fine and so didn't think twice about the question until she asked again and made sure that I understood she was asking about how my body was reacting.... ie, did I think I was going to end up with another flare-up cuz of the mobilization and stress on my body and did she need to prepare to have me out for a while. And, she is a friend as well, so it wasn't just from an admin standpoint. I told her that it's MS - who the hell knows. I feel fine right now - I didn't remind her of my doc's appointment tomorrow... I cover that in the morning. Actually, I might cover that the following morning when I might actually know something. The worst thing I think about sometimes is not being able to do my job.... I love it (as I've mentioned a few times) and have no freakin' clue what I would do without it... When I did my rounds with optic neuritis, that was the one fear that I could never squealch or conceal - it was constantly bubbling at the surface. And, it's still a fear I have every time I have to get a new MRI, bloodwork, or visit the doc - will this be the time I get info that changes my life... more so than my dx.

I dunno - I consider myself still an MS infant. I'm past the newborn stage but I'm still stumbling around trying to figure out what happens if I put my right foot in front rather than my left. I still have some of that paranoia about this new world that I don't trust.... but I know I'll graduate to being a child - and enter that stage where I have no fear and will do whatever the hell I want and dammed be the consequences. My docs, nor my partner, probably won't like that stage, but am I ever looking forward to it!!

BTW, I also finished Teri Garr's book (amazing how she got that part after being told she could not have 2 consenants (sp???) in her 1st and last name - I wonder if it's worse if you have the same 2 letters in both your first and last name.... Does the double LL mean anything special??? The book was great and she's another heroine with MS to add in my brain about looking at how she's still able to accomplish soooo much while dealing with a crappy chronic illness. I love alliteration!!!!!